It has been an emotionally tough week for me. I just don’t have the push to move forward with work and have been in a bit of a funk. Combine that with my first session of couples counseling with the Hunter and then a lovely argument with my Ex over wedding expenses and I am burned out.
Let’s talk about the couples counseling first and then I’ll chat about my Ex in another post. We went to see the counselor that I used before and during my divorce. She is lively and opinionated, not someone who merely stares at you mumbling along, which is exactly what I need in my life. She now has this blog’s website, so I gained yet another reader. Yea! Since she is now back in my life, she will need a name, so I am going with Athena – Goddess of Wisdom and War, an apt choice I think.
It is fascinating to be in a room with two people who know me well. They both agreed that I tend to keep a wall up and hide my feelings from loved ones. Really? Athena explained to the Hunter that I needed to hide my emotions during my marriage, which was really helpful for him to hear from someone else. I felt like most of the evening was spent with the two of them talking about me. I had moments when I felt like, “Hello, I am sitting right here!” I don’t say that in a bad way, because the evening was loving and helpful. It was just funny being the main topic of conversation.
Prior to the session, we filled out paperwork which included some background on both of us. One question asked about significant events in our past that caused us great stress. The Hunter put down the trauma that had destroyed his last marriage. Athena gently touched upon it and said that grief had the power to destroy relationships or draw people closer. The Hunter had the former experience.
We all agreed that things appear to be great in our relationship. After Memorial Day, the Hunter has begun to regain trust in me. Reading this blog and my actions have reassured him. He told her that this blog is a very accurate account of events. She told us that we needed more time together because with time, we will continue to iron out the kinks. She was truly happy for me and liked the Hunter. He handled himself exceptionally well and was his usual thoughtful, well-spoken self.
One interesting thing that the Hunter and Athena discussed is that he is very confrontational. He has no issue with confronting anyone about anything either nicely or not so nicely. Then he made a very clear distinction that he does not do that with me. I am the exception to his rule. I felt special and loved.
One thing that Athena told him was that I would need time in order to be more forthcoming with my emotions and feelings. She suggested that I continue writing and give him notes or texts when it was too hard for me to confront things head on. I felt safe and loved during this session. However, it seemed like every time I opened my mouth I began crying. I just have a lot going on in my head and life right now.
I told Athena that I had lunch with my Ex back in February and apologized for the things I did to contribute to our marriage’s demise. I was surprised that he didn’t get it and would readily get back together. Athena commented that my Ex will not grow or change, so he will stay in a perpetual state of controlling mess. She said not to even bother trying with him. Ahhh, I no longer have to live with it. Hallelujah!
When we got home, the Hunter and I decompressed for a half hour and then he swooped me up to bed. We have been teasingly having a moratorium on sex this week to see who would give up first. I don’t know who lost, but we were both winners with a great romp last night. It felt so good to connect with him. He had told her that we spend 15-20 minutes in the morning connecting. She was beaming. I was too. I think I will take a couple of sessions with her over the next couple of months. With the wedding looming and some other work things, my stress levels are rising. This is a concern for both of them (and me). It will be money well spent.