"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Sucker Punched

I remember many years ago riding home on the school bus in 6th or 7th grade. I’m in the back of the bus and out of the blue, another kid sucker-punched me in the stomach. It doubled me over and knocked the wind out of me. For the life of me, I had and still have no idea why the hell that little shit did that.

Last week I got sucker-punched by a client. OK, I’m a subcontractor and we were thrown together, but I was moving along doing what Maggie & Co does best and somehow he had a whole different take on the entire situation. I was accused of being unethical, greedy, self-serving, and a host of other nasty things.

I talked to his service provider who told me all of his vitriol. I was dumbfounded and blindsided. At first I thought his misinformation was coming from a vicious third-party, so I was frightfully angry at the third-party (although I didn’t attack them). I sent an explanatory email outlining my take on the situation. It was a well-thought out, carefully crafted message that clearly shows that Maggie & Co has nothing but his best interests at heart.

Then I left for the beach (again), my refuge. I ended up close to a friend’s house and they took me out to dinner and let me vent. I was feeling better, vindicated and I had a clear direction on how I was going to revenge myself with that third-party….until the client responded to my email.

He responded with venom, suspicion, and said that my email confirmed that I was concerned about nothing but myself. That his company was founded on integrity and compassion. He gave me the Mark Cuban quote, “Just watch. Pigs get fat, hogs get slaughtered. When you try to take it too far, people turn the other way. I’m just telling you, when you’ve got a good thing and you get greedy, it always, always, always, always, always turns on you. That’s rule No. 1 of business.”


I was slack jawed and felt sucker-punched again. Why? Because I truly thought the root of the problem was the third-party, but apparently this client is batshit crazy. One thing I am not is greedy. I read it again and again. I sent it to Robin who coolly responded that he is not someone we ever want to be associated with and he doesn’t understand Maggie & Co. The service provider has remained silent (which the Hunter says is proof that she is part of the problem). Now I will say that service provider, during our conversation about his complaints, claimed once we finish this assignment she is firing him as a client, but for now….

As for me, I feel unanchored. My reality has been completed upended. I have lost my way. My work is hard and often misunderstood, as clearly evidenced by Mr. Batshit Crazy. One thing I do know for sure is that his ambitious start-up will be belly-up within 5 years because karma is a bitch, but I really don’t care about him. I care about how this has shaken me to the core. I care about how I have now stopped in my tracks and am looking around saying, WTF? I care about how am I going to make a living?

This career I have is a tough one and clients like this make me step back and ask myself if I really, really like what I do. Today, I don’t. I don’t like it one bit. So I am going to take some time, catch my breath and recover from my sucker punch.





Photo by Samuel Zeller on Unsplash

I think it’s the sound that calms me.  The never-ending crash of waves is a beautiful, relentless wash of white noise.  Add in the salty wind and my soul quiets so I can think and listen to myself.

My anxiety grew yesterday until my skin crawled and my breathing grew short.  The Hunter had gone hiking so I needed to cope on my own.  I grabbed my keys and headed for the beach.

My chest was tight.  I felt tears threatening at the slightest provocation.  Then I stepped onto the sidewalk along the beach and began walking.  The wind was gusty.  As I settled into a rhythm, I began talking to myself.  OK, not too loudly because I don’t need to be Baker Acted on top of everything!  At first I began with:

  • “What am I going to do?”
  • “How am I going to survive?”

But the walking and the waves began working their magic.  The steady cadence turned my self-talk to:

  • I am not a victim.
  • The only way to go is forward.
  • I am a fighter.
  • I am an Amazon.
  • I am relentless.
  • People like me and once they know me, they like working with me.
  • I need to talk to the people who like working with me
  • I can do hard things

I walked two miles through the tourists, the retirees and every step returned my confidence.

I am a warrior.  I am a fighter.  I raised kids who are fearless and fighters and they are who they are because I showed them the way.

Courage is the ability to do something even when I am afraid.  It’s OK to be afraid so long as I’m still fighting and moving forward.  I’ll be fine.  Actually I’ll be better than fine — I’ll be great.

Monday is not a Fun Day

Do you ever feel overwhelmed? I have been feeling that lately. I am sitting at my desk trying to figure out how to eat an elephant and quickly. What should I be doing? What is the most productive use of my time? Why do I feel like I’m simply banging my head against the wall of business development?

I’m busy, thankfully, but these are quick projects that will soon be over. Now is the time I need to double down and focus on finding my next paycheck. Lately I have been having doubts. Should I keep doing this? Should I just fold up Maggie & Co to join a big corporation for the steady paycheck? Am I even employable? My work is hard. I fight for the business, then I fight to execute the business, then I fight (sometimes) to get paid. That’s a whole lot of fighting for someone who is a lover, not a fighter.

I have not been helping myself any because I continue my quest for the Holy Grail of business development. I am not doing myself any favors in this crusade because all I am finding is that old saying, “Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one”. Everybody has their method (often with a price tag attached).

One thing I know for sure – I need to be in front of people. I made the mistake of taking a cool frenemy to some networking events with me. I adore her – she’s fun and a really good friend, BUT…. bringing her means I have brought my competition with me. I had the rude double slap in the face last week of someone that I have been trying to meet being at the event. I knew his company and details of some changes that means he needs my services. I had been trying to reach him (OK, not stalking, but I had reached out several different ways to no avail at this point). Not only had he selected someone 3 weeks ago from a referral source, BUT, then he turns to my GF and says, “too bad because I would love to work with you”. HELLO – I AM STANDING RIGHT HERE AND I’M THE ONE TRYING TO MEET YOU. Ugh. I went back to the bar.

It’s those types of rejections that beat me down. Look, I understand that I have a niche profession. I understand that not everybody needs my services now or sometimes ever. That’s fine. I get it. But when I have a fish swimming around in front of me, I really want it to grab MY damn bait not someone who doesn’t even have bait in the water!!

Back to work….20 more outreaches and I can end this day’s painful business development efforts. I have to be more optimistic and positive—BLEH. That reminds me of the story about the two little boys being tested on their optimism. One little boy was put into a room full of new toys to play with – he sat and cried, refusing to touch any of the toys. He was too afraid he was going to break them. The other little boy was put in a room full of horse poop. When they checked on him, he happily was shoveling it around. They asked him what he was doing, and he replied, “With all this poop in here, there is bound to be a pony somewhere under it all.” I need to be that boy and go find my pony. Giddy-up!

Fuck this is hard

Yeah, you were hoping I was going to talk about the Hunter’s cock.  Sorry, no dice.  OK, we can digress a bit — I do really like his cock.  It’s the perfect size and it’s quite lovely, but that’s not what’s on my mind.

My work is hard.  I came out of the 2018 starting gate all full of piss and vinegar.  I have a plan, I’m working the plan and the plan is yet to bear fruit.  It’s a marathon — I must remember this.  I had a long call yesterday with a frenemy who made the same bold leap I made.  He’s running about 6 months behind me on his startup, but he has made some very bold marketing moves with publishing a book and a podcast.  Wow.  I was jealous at first, so I disparaged his accomplishments: “Why charge for the book?” “The first podcast topic was such a snoozer I haven’t listened since”.  It came from my green-eyed monster.  I’m going to be a friend and a better person by heading over to his book-signing event next month.   I asked him if it was OK since we are frenemies.  He needed the support.  I hope there is alcohol.

Anyway we talked about how things are going.  I call him every month or two just to check in on him.  He is facing the same business development challenges I am facing.  I haven’t told him one of my “secret sauce” solutions because it’s actually making some $ for me and if I tell it will dilute my $, so fuck that.  Maggie first.

His book did yield a client, who had the book thoroughly highlighted and bookmarked prior to their meeting.  We talked about how creating content is BS unless you can get it in front of the right people.  I apparently do a heck of a lot more in that arena than he does.  Point to Maggie. We discussed paying for content placement and budgets for that.

We agreed that one segment of our profession is so incredibly tough to generate clients that it makes sense to pivot to the sometimes easier-to-win, but more complex and time-consuming to execute.  The incredibly tough-to-find client has some big hazards once you land her — like, oh say, getting paid for one thing.

It was good to hear that he is facing the same challenges.  It reinforced my drive to continue my push to actually connect and meet with people face-to-face rather than just lobbing marketing materials at them in the hopes they will call me.  Although lobbing in the marketing crap does help open the door.  My 2018 mantra of “relentlessly persistent” is the only way forward.  Now, I have to get to work.

Good Night’s Sleep?

Hi Hunter!  Yes, he is reading my blog and yes, things erupted after he read my previous post.  Sigh.  I need to trust him more and realize that honesty is the best policy when it comes to our relationship.


As we snuggled this morning, post wake-up fuck, he murmured that our relationship took a hard hit from this last kerfuffle.  I agree.  We are sleeping in separate beds, but enjoying the good night’s sleep that comes from not sharing the covers (him) or loud snoring (me) of a loved one.  I can stay up and read.  He can go to bed super early.  But are separate beds healthy for our relationship?  Pros and cons.  Pros and cons.


Apparently we are part of a bigger trend — people who have the balls to say, “I love you, but I really want a good nights sleep so go somewhere else”.  USA Today and Huffington Post cited a study that cited 25% of couples sleep separately.  I honestly don’t mind the separate beds these days because I have been sleeping like a baby.  The Hunter feels the same — my snoring isn’t bothering him and waking him up.  Will this continue?  Perhaps off and on.  I do enjoy when he jumps in bed with me in the morning for a snuggle and a fuck.

As for our relationship hit, that’s a story for another day.


Don Juan Surfaced

I put up a challenge on LinkedIn that I want to connect either in person or by phone/email with every LinkedIn connection I have.  That’s a daunting goal since I have over 1,200 connections.  One of the first people to rise to the challenge was Don Juan who invited me for a coffee.

We met and talked about business the entire time.  I introduced him to a consultant who had done some great workshops for me.  He told me about a new piece of business his firm is developing and it was all work, no fun.  We both made it very clear from the get-go that we now have a friendship.  I told him about the Hunter, he told me about his family.  The past is firmly in the past.

I didn’t tell the Hunter. I did tell him that I was having coffee with a connection.  Was this a lie of omission?  Perhaps, but I knew that I had no interest in Don Juan and I was sure that feeling was mutual because we met for coffee.  No drinks, no dinner — just a 30 minute coffee, so why would I create some drama when there was none to be had?  Or perhaps I’m just lying to myself and I should be willing to withstand any confrontation that could occur.

In any case, in my mind it was just an interesting coffee.  I can check him off my LinkedIn list and continue down the list of 1100+ to go…..

I’m Still Trucking Along

Work has started off with a bang and I am happily quite busy this week.  It’s almost 11:00 and I’m still at the computer.  No complaints there.  Anyway, a quick update to say that life is just fine down here.  The Hunter and I had a great holiday break.  I’ll write something about what a kid that man is when it comes to presents.  We went camping and it was chilly but we got back before the big freeze.  Now I’m ducking and looking out for frozen iguanas falling from trees.  You folks up north may have snow, ice and all that mayhem.  We have to look out for frozen invasive reptiles.  It’s kind of a reptilian zombie apocalypse.

Anyway, I started kickboxing as my new exercise routine and I absolutely love it.  I have never been any type of an athlete, but this speaks to me.  It is great for my body and my brain.  My brain has to remember the punch/kick combinations and my body is sweating up a storm.  Plus I must say that this franchise has it’s shit together with an active Facebook group, a personal note mailed to me after I joined, lots of hashtags, selfies, contests, encouragement.  I feel like I just joined a new tribe.

I’ll try to write some more this weekend, but for now just know that I am freezing my tuckus along with everyone else — nothing in South Florida is built for cold weather.  We don’t have the clothes either.  Brrr, I need to go snuggle up with the Hunter.

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