"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Archive for the ‘Weight Loss’ Category

Alternate Reality

My new normal for now is so strange.  All of my great healthy habits are slipping.  My gym is closed, my 5K is canceled.  I am staying up an hour or so later, so I wake up later.

I can’t really exercise in the early morning.  Maybe I can if I did some workouts in my apartment.  I miss my gym, so I need to regroup and keep going.

I have continued to lose weight.  I am averaging 0.64 pounds a week so I have lost over 10 pounds since January.  I have trimmed down inches all over as well.  My clothes fit better.  I have two pairs of jeans I bought for the holidays that are so big now I can slip them off without unzipping them.  VICTORY!  I don’t feel like I am dieting which is good.  I am simply making better decisions and cooking my own food, so my diet is much healthier. It will be really healthy for the next two weeks since I have a bunch of fresh veggies and limited protein.  I need to blanch and freeze the veggies so they do not go bad.  Food cannot be wasted these days.   An example of my new healthy ways is before turning on the laptop, I thought about making something sweet.  Naw, too much trouble and it’s getting to late to be eating.  Extra calories avoided through sheer laziness.

I do need to get out of my head a bit more.  Read more, get outside to exercise.  Summer is coming which means soon we Floridians will retreat inside to escape the brutal heat (and giant mosquitoes that sometimes carry Zika)  This will especially be the case since we won’t have pools or beaches for the foreseeable future.  Ugh.

Tonight I talked to two girlfriends.  One has a son in Brooklyn – sigh.  She is facing unemployment as her profession has dried up due to COVID.  Her spirits were good, but she is worried primarily about her family.  The other is happily unemployed from the insurance world and watching that world crumple along with everyone else.  I called my son who is facing a rapidly changing world.  His grad school is now online.  The foundation that he is interning with just learned that a major source of their funding has evaporated completely.  He will be fine, but he may not know that yet.  I told him just to focus on school.

When I was talking to one of my girlfriends, I described what we need to do for the next 4-6 weeks as “surfing the tsunami”.  We just need to ride the gigantic wave of awfulness that is approaching us and stay afloat.   This COVID situation is stripping away everyone’s mask.  The greedy, the panicky, the noble, the scum, the desperate, the calm.  Everyone’s mask is being stripped away and true colors are being exposed.  So what’s next?  Time will tell when we have finished surfing the tsunami.  For now, we have to come to terms with our new alternate reality.


Photo by Austin Schmid on Unsplash


I am pooped.  I have kept up a 5-day a week workout routine, meal prepping each weekend, and a steady social calendar with 2+ events a week for two months.  It has worn me out to be honest.  Here I sit on Sunday night with no meal prepping, no laundry, no house cleaning (this is my scheduled weekend) and nothing particularly productive to show for myself.

The Hunter came over Saturday night and we made a great dinner, smoked a little weed, had a fabulous romp and all around fun evening.  Then we got up somewhat early to take a hike and then a long drive around the woods.  The day was mild and beautiful so it was wonderful being outdoors.  However, when we returned, we both were worn out.

I am getting plenty of sleep, my diet (until the past 24 hours) has been healthy and plant-heavy.  I am moving my body regularly and we can see results.  I think I worked my poor abs too hard this week and it made me feel like I had a stomach ache for two days.  LOL.  Getting old sucks.

Part of me has been wanting a break from all this healthy stuff.  I made a chocolate cake from scratch for the Hunter and ended up eating more than he did.  Sigh.  I challenged myself to eat from my freezer for February and that has been quite successful in using up a bunch of stuff.  I am just tired.  Tired of going to work every day, tired of cooking, tired of the same old, same old.  I need a little break.  I am not unhappy with my routines, I just want a little variety perhaps.

My meetups have been a lot of fun.  I did a Trivia night where I found people far smarter than me, I went painting with girls from work and that was fun.  I have never painted a picture and I really enjoyed it.  This week I am having dinner with a girlfriend, a work dinner and a Saturday horse show.  I think I have one more outing.  That is more than enough.

I think what I am looking for is some balance.  I am close to having it, but I am not quite there.  I still have paperwork to be done, photos to be sorted and basic drudgery (LOL). When I get home in the evenings after work, I am simply not in the mood. I am tuckered out and just want to veg.

The good news is I am finding social things to do and plenty of them.  I think that friends will follow as I continue with these groups.  This is a major 2020 goal and I am making progress.  I am making great progress with my exercise routine.  I have made serious inroads on my health check-ups.  My general physical, blood work and gyn checkup are completed.  I have my mammogram scheduled and next up are the optometrist and dermatologist.

Gee whiz, it’s only February and I am kicking butt.  No wonder I am pooped.  Once again, I just need to be patient.  Patient with settling into my new life and developing new routines, patient with when I run out of steam and just general patience with me overall. I think an early bedtime this week will do me a world of good.  Sweet dreams….


Photo by David Clode on Unsplash


I’m reading Michael Pollan’s book, Cooked. Fascinating. I also heard his recent interview on Fresh Air about his new Audible book, Caffeine. What he writes/thinks about food has always resonated with me. I discovered him when I read Omnivore’s Dilemma.

In his Fresh Air interview, he summed up his dietary habits in a haiku.

Eat food

Not too much

Mostly plants

That is also my plan in a nutshell. I am proud of myself these days. I have gone to the gym every week day for over 6 weeks. My None2Run training for the April 5k is about to hit the halfway mark and I am achieving those goals. I have increased my water consumption, decreased my food intake and think/plan before eating. I have talked myself out of bad choices for the most part.

I cook more now than at any other time in my life. I enjoy it. Most of my cooking is on the weekends with podcasts going. I am trying a plethora of new recipes. This weekend I made a vegan chicken salad out of chickpeas and raw cashews. Surprisingly delicious. I enjoy planning my meals and challenging myself in multiple ways such as new tastes, create meals from my freezer and/or frig for a week or two.

My body is responding albeit slowly. But slowly means it is gone for good. I remind myself of this as I watch others in our work weight loss challenge drop weight like crazy. I hear the ridiculous restrictions and know that they won’t be able to maintain it. None of them are incorporating exercise like me. I am the tortoise and they are the hare. Let’s see who’s cooked 3 months from now.

F#*king Weight

I was looking at my little weight loss notebook last week as I noted my weight and measurements (steady downward trend, thank you very much).  I flipped through the pages and then I jumped into MyFitness Pal which I have used intermittently since 2011.  I separated from my Ex in June 2013.  In August 2013, I weighed 194.4.  Today I am 202.

Between 2013 and today my weight has been as low as 162 to as high as 210.  Roughly a 100 pound swing.  Ugh.  Un-fucking-believable.

What happened?  Oh, I know what happened.

  1. Stress:  Ugh, all the work stress of trying to crank up my own company, trying to juggle my meager finances, being the primary breadwinner, realizing I was not making money and living beyond my means.  The stress of job hunting and figuring out my next career move.  Yeah, all that stress resulted in me feeding my emotions.  Nothing like sugar (and alcohol) to get a good solid dopamine hit when you are depressed.  Add in some cannabis to get the munchies cranked up and we’ve got a solid party going on….
  2. I stopped going to the gym.  Ugh, worse thing for me.  I got lazy and enjoyed snuggling with the Hunter.  Later the walks with him and the Kracken were nice, but not enough.  I need solo, dedicated workout time.  I need strength/resistance training to build my muscles and keep my metabolism chugging along at a decent clip. Yes, I know lots of weight loss experts say it is primarily diet, but I need the metabolism boost due to my sedentary work.
  3. The Hunter’s cooking.  Yes, I loved his cooking, however, he is a “meat & potatoes” guy.  Fries food, heavy carbs, red meat, processed meats.  I clearly remember very early in our relationship thinking “Oh dear, will I be OK with this?”  Clearly the answer is NO.

Now I don’t want anyone to think I am blaming the Hunter for my weight gain.  It is 110% my fault.  I put the food in my mouth and became a couch potato.  I needed to advocate more for myself in certain situations.  I let him reign in the kitchen because I enjoyed being taken care of, however, the result was not good for me.

These days I cook all of my food.  I mean all and from scratch.  I have very few processed foods if any.  I very rarely eat out because a) it’s expensive right now and b) I need to monitor and control what I am eating.  My sugar cravings are virtually gone.  I don’t want cookies or sweets.  I had a small container of ice cream in my freezer since November,  I barely touched it and finally chucked it out a couple of weeks ago.  I have 1-2 chocolate squares after dinner and that’s fine for dessert.  I don’t want more.  My veggie and fruit consumption has increased dramatically.  The past two weeks I reduced my carbs and saw immediate results.

I need to live alone for awhile.  Quite awhile.  I need the control of my environment.  I need to stick to my new steady habits.  This is working.


Photo by i yunmai on Unsplash


I Found My Rhythm

Life is settling into a pleasant routine these days. I hit the gym in the morning and my running program hasn’t killed me yet. I rarely eat out, so my food choices are always planned and under control for the most part. Work got busy with an unexpected project that has an impossible deadline. I am not stressed or worried – I am enjoying the challenge.

MeetUp in this area is actually pretty good. One last week was a fiasco, but another was lovely. I have several more coming up, so I feel like my social life is kicking off nicely. I am bumping into people who are very familiar with my company, which is a reminder that I am living in a small town, so my words matter.

Life is good. I wish I was losing weight faster because I was in the bottom third of the weight loss challenge. But then I remind myself that it doesn’t really matter because I am losing weight each week. I just need to be patient. Plus I am getting stronger and I really feel that progress. I had a physical and bloodwork done. My cholesterol is a bit high (some of it, the good ones are fine). I think it is related to my weight because I am not eating processed foods. Glucose is fine, sodium fine, etc., so I just need to once again be patient and allow my body to heal.

The Hunter has been really busy with work, so I haven’t seen much of him. It’s been OK because I have enjoyed having time to myself lately. I have been slowly working on going through all the damn photos. Right now I am sorting with some tossing. Good grief, there is a lot. Plus I found a shoebox of videos. I bought a used VCR for $9 at Goodwill so I can see if any are worth converting to digital. I need an adapter, so I can’t watch them yet.

What has been interesting about the photos is the flood of memories as I sort them. I intentionally avoided this project for years for just that reason – I simply didn’t have the emotional capacity to process all of it. Now I do, but in stages. It has been enjoyable for the most part, but it’s a messy project with lots of shoeboxes filled with loose photos. Ugh.

Life is good and I am grateful.

Kicking Butt

I have started 2020 with some big physical reaches/challenges.  First is signing up for my company’s corporate 5K run in April.  I have never participated in a 5k much less run that long a distance.  I am training using None2Run which is going really well.  I just completed Week 2 (LOL) with out swearing, so that is already a win.

My next physical challenge is a company weight loss challenge.  I had tried one last August, but there was so much other stuff going on with planning my move, long commute, etc., that I floundered.  Not this time!

I have been doing well with staying on a schedule, planning my food, exercising every day and I am already seeing positive results.

To kick up the weight loss, I toyed with the idea of doing another Whole 30.  A Whole 30 isn’t a huge switch from my current diet habits, but I need to think about it another day or so.

The weight loss challenge is based on the percentage lost, not total pounds so the playing field is leveled.  I inadvertently helped myself the night before the first weigh-in by making cornbread in my cast iron skillet.  DO NOT DO THIS if you live alone.  I ate way too much.  I stashed the rest in the freezer to save myself.  Ugh.

I enjoy giving myself some goals and activities a bit outside my comfort zone.  I have a quote on my bulletin board at work:

“Great things never come from comfort zones”

So true, so true.  I have hung outside my comfort zone before, so the unease is not unfamiliar.  Time to push myself again.  Happily this push is in the areas of my health and not work or money.  I feel safe and secure in those two areas.

Now let me make plans to crush my weight-loss competitors……


Photo by Linda Xu on Unsplash


Relationships – that is my word for 2020.  I love goals, action/strategic plans and all that stuff.  I hear the groans, but I am a sucker for a good planner.  Plus I don’t actually achieve many of my lofty ambitions, but I like the thought and planning behind it all.  I just happen to suck at the execution.  “To thine own self be true.”  Yep, execution is my Achilles heel.

I have tried this picking a word to be my theme for the year.  In 2019 about midway, I chose “journey” because I was on quite the journey. This year, my word is “relationships”.  The more I have been thinking about this word, the more I like it.  There is so much I need to do with various relationships in my life, but two are first and foremost:  money and food.

I need to improve my relationship with money so I never get myself in dire straits due to my own foolish spendthrift ways.  I would like to say that I am cured, but I am not.  I have bills to pay, savings to create, a retirement looming sooner than I care to admit. My 401k paints a pretty rosy picture if I croak by 84.  I would like to see 90 plus what if the stock market tanks again or I have significant health issues? I need a back-up/margin of error/robust savings.

I started with You Need a Budget.  Shit, it is a mind teaser.  Since I failed Accounting in college and barely scraped by Economics (mostly because I was sleeping with a grad student who tutored me through it), this struggle with YNAB is not too surprising.  But my brain needs to learn new things, so I will push through.  It is encouraging (?) to see folks on the FB page confessing it took them several tries before it clicked.

Next on my relationship list is food.  My relationship with food is improving.  I have never eaten as healthy as I am eating today.  Corinne Crabtree, the weight loss coach, said something so true about my food choices.  She said that if it came from the ground or has eyes, eat that.  That is basically the most diet advice she gives.  This has been what I have been focused on doing lately.  Good, natural food –  no processed meats, reduced meat, no processed foods with additives, preservatives and the like.  I am following along with the Mediterranean Diet guidelines which hopefully will yield results.

I have my sugar addiction (another relationship, but a bad one) tamed for the moment.  I cook virtually all of my food.  Take-out is non-existent with me and dining out is a big, rare treat.  However, like any addict, I know I could lapse easily.

Right now my brain has been telling me to have a drink after work.  It’s a new mind worm from my inner devil.  I rarely drink and my brain is saying, “Have a cosmo and unwind.”  Yeah, that cosmo is full of sugar.  Then it swaps to “then have some red wine because that is on the Mediterranean Diet”.  Yeah, I have a $20 bottle, nothing cheap and I don’t drink enough to make it worthwhile to open it.  I don’t want those extra calories.  Ugh.

Just like any addict, I need to take it one day at a time.  I need to divert my mind from the cravings.  I need to plan, make healthy choices and think calmly about how my stomach feels before and after a meal.  Not too full either way is my goal.

I gained 15 pounds last year due to stress eating.  I have to stop gobbling food and drinking when I am stressed or happy.  I must learn to treat food only as fuel and not my dopamine fix.  That is one of my key relationship goals this year.

Tied to the weigh issue is another relationship for me to improve:  my body/health.  I love my body, no matter how much she weighs.  She has given birth to two beautiful, healthy kids.  She has remained healthy no matter how poorly I have treated her.  I need to treat her better by getting into shape, getting complete physicals and making sure her fuel is top-notch. Otherwise how will I hit 90?

In a moment of inspired insanity, I committed to running a corporate 5k run in April.  I have started training this week.  I want to run with all my colleagues.  My boss is a fitness empress — she’ll run that damn thing in about 10 minutes.  I just want to finish it without paramedics. I am using the None 2 Run program for this insane goal.

Personal relationships fall into my 2020 goals also.  I want to make new friends in my new locale plus maintain the existing ones.  I have a distant cousin nearby that my Aunt recently told me about.  I have her phone number, so I need to call her and see where that leads.  There is a lot to be thought about in personal relationships, so more will come as the year moves forward. The Hunter and I have had some interesting conversations as we feel out this new phase of our relationship. Hey, Love – I am talking about us – LOL.

2019 was a big year of change for me.  I truly want 2020 to be one of re-grouping.  That is why I like my word.  Relationships tie into this re-grouping and re-centering as I settle down into my next chapter.

What is your word?


Photo by Brittney Burnett on Unsplash


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