Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies
(Tell me lies, tell me, tell me lies)
Oh, no, no you can’t disguise
(You can’t disguise, no you can’t disguise)
Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies
I promised you the story about how I caused some pre-wedding drama between the Ex, Taz and the now In-Laws. Right before the wedding, I made a whirlwind visit to Taz’s city because she was getting an amazing award and she wanted me and the Ex there. My daughter is incredible and this achievement is an incredible honor. It was a lovely ceremony, lively reception and then off to dinner with Taz, Hubby-to-Be (H2B), In-Laws and Ex.
Taz had told me something prior to the trip that wasn’t sitting well with me. The Ex was suggesting/encouraging the Happy Couple to go ahead and get married at the courthouse when they went to get their marriage license. The reason was so his law partner wouldn’t have to bring her notary seal to the ceremony to properly witness the marriage license. Taz said they wouldn’t tell anyone they had really gotten married two days prior to the wedding.
Well, apparently this was bothering my subconscious more than I realized and it bubbled out of me during dinner as we discussed wedding logistics. H2B was telling his mom that he was jonesing for a particular restaurant that he wanted to hit for lunch upon his arrival in my fair city. Taz was reminding him that they had to go together to get the marriage license. I spoke up and said something to the effect that if they were getting married at the courthouse, I wanted to be there. That, my friends, stopped the show and all civilized hell broke loose.
Taz sent me horrific death ray looks. The MIL asked what the heck was I talking about. The Ex began explaining and the MIL had questions because obviously she couldn’t believe what she was hearing — this wedding was going to be a fake because the kids would already be married. Taz and H2B left the table because apparently H2B wasn’t up to speed on this idea and Taz was upset. It left us parents at the table unwinding this. Rather the Ex trying to provide some rational explanation for his idiotic idea. I sat back and watched.
Then Taz returned, absolutely furious with me. By this time the Ex had apologized and confessed that he had given the kids “bad advice”. I explained to Taz that the Ex had explained everything and admitted his mistake. Then the In-Laws left the table which freaked Taz out because she didn’t want them upset. Everyone was way too polite to really let loose and say what was on their mind, but the end result was everyone agreed that there would be no courthouse marriage. Dinner was over and the evening ended on a bit of a sour note. I felt awful for being such a killjoy but secretly happy to have aired this dirty laundry. Actually I was surprised that the In-Laws didn’t know about this. Taz had told me 4 days prior and the MIL is a divorce attorney –I assumed they knew. Anyway, I was staying with Taz and H2B which made for a bit of awkwardness when we got home.
Taz and H2B spent about 30-45 minutes in their room. I retreated to the guest room and was prepared to call it a night. Then Taz called me down because they had made a fire. We all chatted and everyone was relaxed. Then I learned of more wedding drama — family friends were asking for plus-1’s. This created stress between Taz and H2B because he had cut cousins and friends from the guest list only to now be asked to include perfect strangers. H2B and his kin would cut off their arm before asking for the favor of a plus-1. Our neck of the woods apparently hasn’t read enough etiquette books to know that it’s rude to ask and ruder still to ask inside the 10-day window. We chat some more and I headed to bed only to be surprised by having Taz follow me to apologize for being mad at me. I was pleasantly surprised and relieved.
When I returned home the next morning, I immediately called the MIL and apologized. I didn’t say what for and I guess I was apologizing for creating drama. She apologized for leaving the table and her behavior (which I had no problem with -I thought she had handled it well). She had apparently texted Taz that night to apologize. What a class act.
Then I called my BFF and asked for a reality check. My BFF is from the same area as H2B so she was mortified with the plus-1 BS. She was equally horrified with the courthouse marriage idea. As I told her, I got angrier as I thought about it. My damn Ex. What an asshole and here’s why:
- He was basically advising the Happy Couple to begin their marriage by lying to all their closest friends and family. “Come witness our exchange of vows” but the joke’s on all of you because this is just pretend. Why the fuck are we even flying in the minister? Why are we spending $50k on a wedding? There is no way that could have been kept a secret and imagine the explosion when the truth emerged?
- Start your marriage with a lie so my law partner and I aren’t inconvenienced. Seriously? If that was my responsibility and I thought she was too flaky to remember the damn seal, I would have brought it or asked other guests who are notaries to bring theirs. It’s an honor, not an imposition.
- The whole plus-1 situation was bubbling up from the Ex’s side. Control your damn guests and tell them NO and don’t bother Taz. She’s got enough on her plate without having to be the bad guy. YOU be the bad guy. They should know better.
I ranted to my BFF and then got another rant with the Hunter. He plied me with wine and weed which softened my anger. He thinks I did this on purpose and perhaps he’s right, but it wasn’t pre-mediatated. My rants did give me a whole new perspective of what Taz had been dealing with, although she later brushed it off when I later mentioned it. Perhaps I over-reacted because it’s simply my Ex being his usual douchebag self and I’m still sensitive about his shittiness.
So Dear Readers, what are your thoughts? Man, I am so glad I only have one Type A daughter to get married. Another would send me running for the woods.