"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Archive for the ‘Sex’ Category

Study of a Woman

Nicole had this cool, hip androgynous vibe that just mesmerized me.  She would run her fingers through her hair and swoop back the bangs of her asymmetrical pixie haircut.  She was wearing a cool pair of Raybans which hid her beautiful pale green eyes.  She had full lips that hid a beautiful smile.

I’m not sexually attracted to women, but something about Nicole struck a vibe in me that wanted to go home and fuck the shit out of the Hunter.  She was, to me, incredibly sexy and 100% unattainable.

We met at a networking event.  She was the +1 of her partner, a fem attorney.  As they sat together on the patio on a sofa, she touched her partner’s arm.  When her partner mentioned that the sofa didn’t have enough pillows, she immediately got up and retrieved another pillow to make her comfortable.  The same attentive Acts of Service  and physical touch that I love about the Hunter.

Nicole dressed in dark skinny jeans, with a nondescript dark long-sleeve shirt that partially hid her sleeve tattoo.  She had a purse — no, let’s call it a bag that was like a hip worn leather messenger bag.  Her fingers were long, masculine with very short nails.  I sat across from her and just stared.

She has a very demanding, stressful job as a high-profile first responder.  We talked about the male-domination of her field and mine.  Mostly I just nursed my glass of wine and drank in the amazingly cool vibe that Nicole projected.  It was one of confidence, acceptance of who she is — may I aspire to be that cool and hip.


Good Night’s Sleep?

Hi Hunter!  Yes, he is reading my blog and yes, things erupted after he read my previous post.  Sigh.  I need to trust him more and realize that honesty is the best policy when it comes to our relationship.


As we snuggled this morning, post wake-up fuck, he murmured that our relationship took a hard hit from this last kerfuffle.  I agree.  We are sleeping in separate beds, but enjoying the good night’s sleep that comes from not sharing the covers (him) or loud snoring (me) of a loved one.  I can stay up and read.  He can go to bed super early.  But are separate beds healthy for our relationship?  Pros and cons.  Pros and cons.


Apparently we are part of a bigger trend — people who have the balls to say, “I love you, but I really want a good nights sleep so go somewhere else”.  USA Today and Huffington Post cited a study that cited 25% of couples sleep separately.  I honestly don’t mind the separate beds these days because I have been sleeping like a baby.  The Hunter feels the same — my snoring isn’t bothering him and waking him up.  Will this continue?  Perhaps off and on.  I do enjoy when he jumps in bed with me in the morning for a snuggle and a fuck.

As for our relationship hit, that’s a story for another day.


The Hunter Returns

The Hunter had been out of town for almost a week.  He was out in the woods freezing his tuckus off.  I stayed behind to work both on Maggie & Co and around the house.  I got the tree set up (quite lovely if I do say so myself) and went to a bunch of networking BS.  When he first left, I got really anxious.  Anxious about work, money — my  usual triggers. I had a migraine when he left and it stayed with me for two days.  Lovely.  I was glad he was gone because I was not fit to be around.

Then the headache lifted and I decided it was time to get my shit done.  I got the house cleaned up and then listened to Christmas music for about 10 hours straight.  I decorated the tree, wrapped some gifts and found my spirits lifting.  It was lovely.  I feel much better even though today my accountant’s bookkeeper sent me an estimated tax bill that is 3x what I was expecting.  I gulped down two glasses of wine and some chocolate to keep myself under control.  I’ve asked for more information — I’m sure there has to be a mistake for a number of reasons.

Anyway, enough BS about day-to-day life.  The Hunter returned a day after my Son arrived for his winter break.  Son and I had a lovely dinner together to get caught up on his life.  He is one semester from graduating and we are discussing his next step.  I never had to worry much about Taz’s next steps — it was more school, more training and the choices were more about where rather than what.  My Son now has to think about both what and where, so it’s a completely different conversation.  He has ideas and is on the right track, so I’m not too worried about him.

The Hunter arrived home and it was so good to feel his arms around me.  I needed his hug.  He was exhausted and crawled into bed a couple of hours later.  I joined him a couple of hours afterwards (7:00 pm bedtime is a bit too early for me).  He instantly wrapped me in his arms and held me close.  It was divine.  I needed it.  Then he turned me over to fuck me lovingly and thoroughly.  We fell asleep with his worn-out dick still in my pussy.  It felt so good.

I am at peace.  Even with the work stress, I am OK.  Nervous — yes, a little, but I know that I’ll be OK.  I’m not happy to be in such a shitty financial predicament, but I have no one to blame but myself, so I better put my head down and work hard.  I have had these cycles before, but I had a husband who earned more so the pressure wasn’t so intense.  Now that I am responsible for all my living expenses, I have to be an Amazon.  I feel confident.  I am fierce.  Look out 2018 — Maggie’s gonna kick some ass.

A Hunter’s Tale

We went out to breakfast and passed by a franchise of a massage place.  There has been a flurry of lawsuits and accusations of sexual misconduct by various masseuses in various locations of this particular franchise in my neck of the woods.  I told the Hunter about it and he laughed because he already knew that franchise was notorious.

“Wait a minute, it was male masseuses that were accused”, I explained.  He commented that he had come across females willing to provide a happy ending.  “Wait, what — there, not an Asian massage parlor?”  Yes there, he tells me.

“I was never offered a happy ending,” I pout.  He laughed again — they will never offer he explains.  You have to ask.  “How the heck do you ask?”  You throw down $100 on the table. “Seriously — you are just messing with me,” I squeal.  Nope, it’s the truth.

The Hunter explains his slick tactic.  He tells the girl that she works hard, she’s pretty and offers to give her a massage.  He gets her on the table and gives her a massage.  His crotch happens to be right at her head as she is face down….and he ends up with a blow job.  That’s one strategy.  He has others….

I am speechless.  “Seriously — you have done this?  It’s that easy?”  He laughs and says yes.  He says so many of these women and sex workers he has come across are so abused both verbally and physically that as soon as he is nice to them, they are more than accommodating.  They will date him if he wants, provide freebies all because he schmoozed them with his sexy voice and gentle words.

I have known from the beginning that the Hunter has quite an extensive sexual history involving strippers, other sex workers, women he worked with, women he met through work, and generally any attractive woman that crossed his path.  We have few secrets and absolutely no judgement.  I just found it hilarious today to pry that little vignette out of him.

Curvy Widow

Here is a New York Times article about a woman after my own heart and an Ashley Madison devotee to boot.  My BFF always said I needed to write a book about those days…

Dating 6 Men at 68: The Woman Behind the Musical ‘Curvy Widow’ https://nyti.ms/2xHlkjK

A Difference A Week Makes

The difference of a week in my life. The work rollercoaster for me is approaching the crest. My projects are beginning to align and I see some nice pay days in the next 30-45 days. What a relief!! I just sat down at my computer and had several projects move forward with good, positive results that should result in $$$. Thank goodness. I read another book on time management and this one clicked with me, so I am slowly trying to implement my new lessons.

But let’s talk about something much more fun – sex.

Last weekend the Hunter was feeling feisty. We had some great romps including one oily roll in the bed that left me breathless and slippery as an eel. It is such a wondrous thing to have a relationship and a man that after two years, he can still pull out something new and fun. We spent Easter with old friends of mine who really like the Hunter and we all get along splendidly. It was a lovely weekend, but on Sunday evening I was feeling a little off.

Monday morning, I still felt off. I had to pee, slight burning. Oh dear, God, NO. It continued to build all day. Please, NO, NO, NO! Yep, by Monday early evening I was in agony with a full-blown UTI (probably has to do with all the baby oil unfortunately).

Now I have come to realize many truths about myself (and this may end up being a post all on its own), but one primary truth is that I am a lousy sick person. Bitchy, whiny and generally miserable. A UTI escalates those traits 10-fold. The Hunter, truly the kindest, most emphatic person, is getting ready to take me to the UrgiCare when it dawns on me – Taz is a fucking legit doctor albeit not in my state and she’s studying to be a surgeon, but she’s an MD who can write prescriptions!

I text her and within 10 minutes she has phoned in my prescription. Within half an hour and $10 later, I am on the road to recovery. The other cool thing – I am her first family member prescription. I am so honored and it’s actually quite hilarious that it’s for a friggin’ UTI. A friend told me I should save the Rx bottle as a momento. I’m not sure Taz and I want the the memory of her first Rx being for her mom’s UTI – LOL.

Meltdown Aftermath

Yeah, I lost it over the weekend.  I find myself questioning the life I am now living —again.  I’m in the ‘burbs with a 70 pound incessantly barking puppy, renting a place I don’t love in a neighborhood that, well, I’ll be honest — it’s not my socio-economic level.  Yeah, I’m a snob and I’m not proud about it.  I want nice things.  I want to better my life.  So if that is what I want, I need to keep working hard to achieve it.

The Hunter and I talked on Sunday evening.  I drank 2 glasses of wine and spewed forth my resentment of the dog and how things are right now.  I asked him to step it up on the household cleaning stuff, among other things.  He looked at me and said, “we have been over this before.  Why are you bringing it up again?  You are just like other women — never happy.”  Ouch.  He wasn’t particularly mad.  He continued by saying, “we want different things.  I’m a simple guy.  I try to show you each and every day how much I love you and how much you mean to me.” Ouch again.

I don’t know what I want.  I want a lot of things and they involve money.  I want to walk down the winding country roads of Tuscany and eat dinner at different inns and hostels.  I want to go to a beautiful resort in the Caribbean with a private villa so I can make love to the Hunter in the pool.  I think what I need is a good vacation, but that’s not happening.  Not right now when Maggie & Co. is still in its initial stages.  I need more clients.  I need more business.  I need more money.  I need, I need, I need……

The other problem/issue/cloud on the horizon is that the Hunter, as sexy a man as he is, has minimal interest in sex.  He said his doctor had told him a year or so ago, during a check-up, that he has low testosterone.  He just isn’t wanting to pound my pussy with any regularity.  He claims it is not about me or my appeal to him, but his lack of libido.  I gave him a look, according to him, that basically was “WTF, go to the doctor and get that shit fixed.”  Ah, the look that says the thousand words….  But this makes me feel insecure.  I feel like I’m fat and dumpy and unappealing to him.  Sigh.

I have to be honest.  I am having doubts.  I am having doubts about what the fuck I am doing with my personal life these days.

I told the Hunter we need some date nights.  He told me the truth and I know it’s his truth:  he’s a loner.  He claims he doesn’t have any friends (which isn’t quite true because he talks to and sees hunting buddies and old childhood friends on a more regular basis than I hang with my besties).  He prefers to be alone, so any date nights will be when I plan them.  I’m actually OK with this, but here is another truth because this post is really about my deep inner  unspoken thoughts and feelings.

He has sabotaged outings in the past.  I wanted to go to a festival — he was sick with a migraine.  I wanted to go to a concert, he went and was bored to distraction (OK, it wasn’t a great concert, but I had the tickets and was going regardless).  He dragged his feet and made us late to a comedy evening with some of my old work friends — I was so pissed that night.   I could go on, but there is a pattern….

I don’t want to bury these problems.  I don’t have another 25 years to toss away on a relationship that isn’t making me happy.  Am I happy?  I honestly don’t know.  I have an eye twitch, I’m under immense pressure these days with work, money is tight, but I see a small pot of silver in the horizon so I feel OK.

I imagine my life without the Hunter and it’s lonely.  I know that.  I know that the Hunter’s new business would not survive without me and where would that leave this very good man? See, there is another pressure:  the success of his business is also partially my responsibility also.  I’m the marketing/business development force behind it.

Someone had recommended a book on Adult Attachment on ASV’s blog.  I got it and have just started it.  No big revelations at this point.  I finished another book on Morning Rituals for successful people, so I can work on my self-discipline.   My go-to move is always to find a book and try to research the answer.  I have pulled out and analyzed my business plan over the weekend — what am I doing right, where can I improve.  I revamped my marketing program and sent it to my business coach.  I created a series of marketing pieces (quite brilliant, if I do say so myself) that now need to be printed so I can use them as mailers.  Oh yeah, I have my taxes to gather up, my corporation to renew, finish up my mom’s estate, replace my car since my lease is up in 3 weeks, renew the lease on this crappy house for another 6-12 months because it expires end of May.  I’m headed out of town for my dad’s big 80 birthday celebration next weekend and I have no meaningful gift.  I did manage to book plane tickets for me and my son about 10 minutes ago. The list goes on….

Now as I read through all of this, I realize that I need to slow the fuck down.  I’m under so much stress and deadlines that I will make hasty decisions that I will repent in leisure.  I just need to get this year under my belt.  Give myself some breathing room by making enough $$ to pay the bills.  Now, I have to go join the gym down the street and get to a networking event.  Sigh.  I hope nobody notices my twitchy eye….

Tag Cloud