"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Archive for the ‘Sex’ Category

Curvy Widow

Here is a New York Times article about a woman after my own heart and an Ashley Madison devotee to boot.  My BFF always said I needed to write a book about those days…

Dating 6 Men at 68: The Woman Behind the Musical ‘Curvy Widow’ https://nyti.ms/2xHlkjK

Advertisements

A Difference A Week Makes

The difference of a week in my life. The work rollercoaster for me is approaching the crest. My projects are beginning to align and I see some nice pay days in the next 30-45 days. What a relief!! I just sat down at my computer and had several projects move forward with good, positive results that should result in $$$. Thank goodness. I read another book on time management and this one clicked with me, so I am slowly trying to implement my new lessons.

But let’s talk about something much more fun – sex.

Last weekend the Hunter was feeling feisty. We had some great romps including one oily roll in the bed that left me breathless and slippery as an eel. It is such a wondrous thing to have a relationship and a man that after two years, he can still pull out something new and fun. We spent Easter with old friends of mine who really like the Hunter and we all get along splendidly. It was a lovely weekend, but on Sunday evening I was feeling a little off.

Monday morning, I still felt off. I had to pee, slight burning. Oh dear, God, NO. It continued to build all day. Please, NO, NO, NO! Yep, by Monday early evening I was in agony with a full-blown UTI (probably has to do with all the baby oil unfortunately).

Now I have come to realize many truths about myself (and this may end up being a post all on its own), but one primary truth is that I am a lousy sick person. Bitchy, whiny and generally miserable. A UTI escalates those traits 10-fold. The Hunter, truly the kindest, most emphatic person, is getting ready to take me to the UrgiCare when it dawns on me – Taz is a fucking legit doctor albeit not in my state and she’s studying to be a surgeon, but she’s an MD who can write prescriptions!

I text her and within 10 minutes she has phoned in my prescription. Within half an hour and $10 later, I am on the road to recovery. The other cool thing – I am her first family member prescription. I am so honored and it’s actually quite hilarious that it’s for a friggin’ UTI. A friend told me I should save the Rx bottle as a momento. I’m not sure Taz and I want the the memory of her first Rx being for her mom’s UTI – LOL.

Meltdown Aftermath

Yeah, I lost it over the weekend.  I find myself questioning the life I am now living —again.  I’m in the ‘burbs with a 70 pound incessantly barking puppy, renting a place I don’t love in a neighborhood that, well, I’ll be honest — it’s not my socio-economic level.  Yeah, I’m a snob and I’m not proud about it.  I want nice things.  I want to better my life.  So if that is what I want, I need to keep working hard to achieve it.

The Hunter and I talked on Sunday evening.  I drank 2 glasses of wine and spewed forth my resentment of the dog and how things are right now.  I asked him to step it up on the household cleaning stuff, among other things.  He looked at me and said, “we have been over this before.  Why are you bringing it up again?  You are just like other women — never happy.”  Ouch.  He wasn’t particularly mad.  He continued by saying, “we want different things.  I’m a simple guy.  I try to show you each and every day how much I love you and how much you mean to me.” Ouch again.

I don’t know what I want.  I want a lot of things and they involve money.  I want to walk down the winding country roads of Tuscany and eat dinner at different inns and hostels.  I want to go to a beautiful resort in the Caribbean with a private villa so I can make love to the Hunter in the pool.  I think what I need is a good vacation, but that’s not happening.  Not right now when Maggie & Co. is still in its initial stages.  I need more clients.  I need more business.  I need more money.  I need, I need, I need……

The other problem/issue/cloud on the horizon is that the Hunter, as sexy a man as he is, has minimal interest in sex.  He said his doctor had told him a year or so ago, during a check-up, that he has low testosterone.  He just isn’t wanting to pound my pussy with any regularity.  He claims it is not about me or my appeal to him, but his lack of libido.  I gave him a look, according to him, that basically was “WTF, go to the doctor and get that shit fixed.”  Ah, the look that says the thousand words….  But this makes me feel insecure.  I feel like I’m fat and dumpy and unappealing to him.  Sigh.

I have to be honest.  I am having doubts.  I am having doubts about what the fuck I am doing with my personal life these days.

I told the Hunter we need some date nights.  He told me the truth and I know it’s his truth:  he’s a loner.  He claims he doesn’t have any friends (which isn’t quite true because he talks to and sees hunting buddies and old childhood friends on a more regular basis than I hang with my besties).  He prefers to be alone, so any date nights will be when I plan them.  I’m actually OK with this, but here is another truth because this post is really about my deep inner  unspoken thoughts and feelings.

He has sabotaged outings in the past.  I wanted to go to a festival — he was sick with a migraine.  I wanted to go to a concert, he went and was bored to distraction (OK, it wasn’t a great concert, but I had the tickets and was going regardless).  He dragged his feet and made us late to a comedy evening with some of my old work friends — I was so pissed that night.   I could go on, but there is a pattern….

I don’t want to bury these problems.  I don’t have another 25 years to toss away on a relationship that isn’t making me happy.  Am I happy?  I honestly don’t know.  I have an eye twitch, I’m under immense pressure these days with work, money is tight, but I see a small pot of silver in the horizon so I feel OK.

I imagine my life without the Hunter and it’s lonely.  I know that.  I know that the Hunter’s new business would not survive without me and where would that leave this very good man? See, there is another pressure:  the success of his business is also partially my responsibility also.  I’m the marketing/business development force behind it.

Someone had recommended a book on Adult Attachment on ASV’s blog.  I got it and have just started it.  No big revelations at this point.  I finished another book on Morning Rituals for successful people, so I can work on my self-discipline.   My go-to move is always to find a book and try to research the answer.  I have pulled out and analyzed my business plan over the weekend — what am I doing right, where can I improve.  I revamped my marketing program and sent it to my business coach.  I created a series of marketing pieces (quite brilliant, if I do say so myself) that now need to be printed so I can use them as mailers.  Oh yeah, I have my taxes to gather up, my corporation to renew, finish up my mom’s estate, replace my car since my lease is up in 3 weeks, renew the lease on this crappy house for another 6-12 months because it expires end of May.  I’m headed out of town for my dad’s big 80 birthday celebration next weekend and I have no meaningful gift.  I did manage to book plane tickets for me and my son about 10 minutes ago. The list goes on….

Now as I read through all of this, I realize that I need to slow the fuck down.  I’m under so much stress and deadlines that I will make hasty decisions that I will repent in leisure.  I just need to get this year under my belt.  Give myself some breathing room by making enough $$ to pay the bills.  Now, I have to go join the gym down the street and get to a networking event.  Sigh.  I hope nobody notices my twitchy eye….

Ebb & Flow

The Hunter makes me laugh. Living with someone 24/7 is not for everyone and I completely understand why based on my former marriage. Fortunately the Hunter and I make a lot of room for each other to have the independence to do as we please. Each of us has the right to take a pass on an activity without repercussions from the other. I tend to be a homebody (typical Cancer) and can be perfectly happy with a book. The Hunter has pointed out, gently, that I don’t have any hobbies and few friends up here. He has been advocating that I do more activities. I think he does this so he doesn’t feel guilty when he goes to the woods, but also he cares about me and my well-being.

I have taken his advice to heart and have been trying a bunch of MeetUps in an attempt to cultivate new friends. I joined a book club (great), went out with a group to a movie (great movie, met one nice woman, the rest ignored us), walking group (old farts, but nice) and business networking (more fun than I was even hoping for). This has resulted in me being out and about more than usual this month. The Hunter has been supportive but slightly, ever so slightly, teasing me about having an affair. I typically invite him unless it’s a woman-only event and I am clear on where I’ll be and with whom. I think his teasing is a residual of his old controlling, insecure ways from his Pre-Maggie days.

I was getting a weird vibe from him this week. Something was ever so slightly off with him. He asked me to initiate sex more and be more assertive in bed. I tend to be an Alpha submissive. In this conversation, he reminded me that he has requested this before. Since it was post-sex and he compounded this request with another regarding my performance, I had to swallow hard and think about it in the right context. Yes, he hurt my feelings a little, but I appreciated his candor. I think taking constructive criticism is a skill in itself, so I reminded myself that he loved me and to not get all freaky about it. He also realized I was a bit hurt and scooped me up in his arms to cuddle me. The air was cleared, but the weird vibe still lingered.

Then I came home last night from a networking event. I had a couple of drinks and was feeling randy. I walked in the door, grabbed him and headed to the bedroom. We stripped off our clothes and he told me that he might not get erect. We’ll see about that! I gave him a great blow job, got him hard and he proceeded to fuck the shit out of me. He, as he so eloquently put it, “pounded the pussy” until I was begging for mercy. The bed moved about 3 feet across the wood floor. He didn’t come, but I made up for it by really enjoying it. We stretched out together and he triumphantly declared the preceding events were basically to stake his claim on me. We snuggled and the weird vibe has disappeared.

The Hunter is an interesting man. I know that it’s hard to be with an Alpha female. You have to be comfortable in your own skin first – which he is. I know that he has his moments of something (self-doubt, insecurity, anxiety – whatever you want to call it or perhaps all three on a rotating basis) because he’s so dependent on me these days. He’s dependent on me for helping create his new business, providing living expenses, plus all the aspects of our romantic relationship. We are deeply intertwined now and it’s only been three years.

As for me, I cannot imagine my life without him. I love him deeply because he allows me to be me without compromise. He loves who I am and has no desire to change me (except perhaps the hobby part). He is my biggest fan. People always look aghast that we work together in the same home office. They ask us how we make it work without driving each other crazy. The reason is simple: mutual respect and love.

But man, relationships are weird things. Always changing, always shifting, always interesting.

2017 Started with a Bang

New Years Eve was low-key, but that’s fine since the Hunter and I are low-key types anyway.  We made a nice dinner, popped open some champagne and smoked some weed. I caught a nice, pleasant buzz.  We watched a movie and headed to bed right before midnight.  The Hunter had plans to go shooting with friends, so he was getting up obnoxiously early.  

We ended up having a lively and lovely New Year fuck that was fueled by the evening’s earlier indulgences.  About 2/3 of the way, my phone goes off.  I have my son, my daughter and others texting and calling to wish us a Happy New Years.  My son left a warm, loving message that truly touched my heart. It was all great, but the timing ….. well, I learned another life lesson.  Get the fucking done early to avoid interruptions.

Happy New Year!

Perfect Day

This past weekend the Hunter and I had a perfect day together.  It was Sunday.  I had spent Saturday getting my ex-boss’ assistant shitfaced during a 3-hour late lunch that included unlimited mimosas.  Robin and I needed information; the assistant needs a new job so it was a win-win all the way around.   But the drink fest was unplanned and I had work, chores and a host of errands that went by the wayside.

The Hunter asked me to go to the woods with him on Sunday.  He was putting up a tree stand and asked for my help.  I paused, thought and agreed.  It was totally the right decision.  The Kracken stayed home, so it was just the two of us.

We left really early, but stopped at our favorite café for breakfast.  Then we drove out to the woods.  The day was brilliantly beautiful.  The sky was that amazing shade of blue that you only see in November.  The air was cool and it was simply perfect.  We walked into the woods and he strapped his tree stand to a beautiful tall pine tree in the middle of a small cluster of trees.  Then we hiked for about an hour or so.  He had me set the pace and distance so I was comfortable.  We found all kinds of tracks, saw a half dozen turkeys and other wildlife.  The wind was blowing through the trees and its rustle was mesmerizing.  I was relaxed and totally enjoying it all.

We stopped by the campground where we will be spending Thanksgiving and then returned home.  Once we got home, we jumped in the shower to get cleaned up before heading out to an early dinner.  As I got out of the shower, the Hunter said, “Why don’t you grab your vibrator and have some fun while I take my shower and then I’ll fuck you.”  And that’s what I did, and then we had a great fuck, showered again and went to a casual dinner.  It was a perfect day.

As we sat at our table quietly chatting about a number of topics, the Hunter noticed another couple.  He said, “We are so lucky.  Look at that couple, together yet so alone.  They aren’t speaking or even looking at one another.  How sad.”  He was right.  We are so incredibly lucky to have one another.  Our hearts were so full of love that day and it has spilled over to the subsequent days.

The Hunter woke up early the next day and pulled me into his arms.  “I love you so much,” he murmured.  Then he pulled off my clothes, fucked me and headed off to work.  What a delicious way to start the week.  I am a lucky girl.

Work in Progress

I had written a post about wondering if the Hunter’s sexual interest in me was waning due to my weight gain. I wrote that as he was preparing for a big test that he urgently needed to pass to gain an important certification. Of course the poor man was not interested so much in sex – he had a lot of anxiety about the test and everything else going on.

Nonetheless, I took Nichtisobel’s advice and thought about a low carb diet. In 2009, I had lost 30 pounds on a low carb diet based on a book by two hilarious British women. Neris and Indias Idiot Proof Diet: From Pig to Twig. I had given that gem of a book away, so I promptly got another one and then bought their follow up recipe book delivered from Britain (which is a whole post of converting measurements, translating their names for certain food to the American ones). Anyway, I am digressing.

I have been on their eating plan for almost three weeks and have lost over 6 pounds. Which is amazing considering last week was a bit of a non-starter because we had Hurricane Matthew knocking on our door, so I needed alcohol and a couple of carbs to maintain my sanity. Now I am back on track and am seeing progress each and every day. I’m preparing healthier food and feel great. I am not exercising like I was, but that’s OK for now. The good news is that the Hunter comments on my weight loss, I see it too and I know that I’m on the right track.

If you are going to buy the book, get a hard copy. It’s a beautifully designed book with Neris’ drawings and cute colored pages. Reading their book is like reading the blog of a dear friend. They write straight from the heart, don’t pull any punches and offer as much encouragement as can be found on the written page. I am never letting go of this copy. It’s got a permanent spot of honor on my bookshelf. And sex is back with a vengeance….

Tag Cloud