"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Archive for the ‘Online Dating’ Category

Curvy Widow

Here is a New York Times article about a woman after my own heart and an Ashley Madison devotee to boot.  My BFF always said I needed to write a book about those days…

Dating 6 Men at 68: The Woman Behind the Musical ‘Curvy Widow’ https://nyti.ms/2xHlkjK

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Home for the Holidays

I am sitting with my parents during a week-long holiday visit.  The  Hunter joined me but has taken a 3-day hunting trip (with my blessings).  The Hunter has gotten a strong dose of my family’s crazy.  This trip has reminded me why I never tried to spend Christmas with my dad and his wife  (they have been married over 40 years). Don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed it, but I fully recognize that about 3 days is the Hunter’s max. My step mom’s family is nutty.

Right now as he sits in a bunkhouse, we are sexting as I sit with the folks watching TV.  If only they knew….

I’ve been using this week to think.  2017 needs to be productive.  I have some serious cash flow issues, but I’m not panicking.  I feel incredibly blessed with the compatibility and love of the Hunter.  We have such a great relationship and I am so lucky to have him.  I know he feels the same about me. We will be fine.  I just need patience and self-discipline. I’ll write more later, but I just wanted to say that I’m alive & well.  

Have I Told You Lately

Have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there’s no one else above you
Fill my heart with gladness
take away all my sadness
ease my troubles that’s what you do

Rod Stewart

I have been wanting to write about the whole Ashley Madison shit storm. I have quietly watched the entire debacle with an insider’s knowledge. I think about the drama these men I know are going through and at the end of the day, I have little sympathy. My email popped up on the data dump and I know that perhaps my photos and profile are now floating in the open. It matters little to me because my photos were not explicit and my profile was matter-of-fact and relatively vanilla. What could haunt me is people who will judge and condemn me for being on the site in the first place. I can live with that judgement. I had my reasons for being on that website and I was only on it for about two months before I realized that I deserved more.

AM was just part of my journey. I needed to understand more about myself. I learned that I am a very high value woman who can not settle for being anything less than #1 in my man’s life. I learned that these men were wasting my time and energy by diverting me from finding the right man who would treasure me. I learned that all people need someone who loves them and not only tells them but shows them every day. I learned that I need someone to cherish me and tell me how much I mean to him. The Hunter is all that and more. Every day I get a text from him about how much he loves me. Today he was sending me Rod Stewart songs of love. I adore Rod Stewart – the Hunter didn’t know that, but how lovely to wake up to the song above.

So Ashley Madison taught me that I deserved so much more than the shitty guys I was finding online. When Match.com advertises that 25% of couple meet online, it also tells me that 75% meet offline. That’s when I dumped the online dating sites. They don’t work for me. They worked for many others, but as for me, I guess that I am old school. Here’s the other Rod Stewart song, courtesy of the Hunter.

You’re In My Heart

You’re in my heart, you’re in my soul
You’ll be my breath should I grow old
You are my lover, you’re my best friend
You’re in my soul

My love for you is immeasurable
My respect for you immense
You’re ageless, timeless, lace and fineness
You’re beauty and elegance

Don’t Look Back

Don’t look back, ooh a new day is breakin’
It’s been too long since I felt this way
I don’t mind ooh where I get taken
The road is callin’, today is the day
I can see, it took so long just to realize
I’m much too strong not to compromise
Now I see what I am is holding me down
I’ll turn it around, oh yes I will
I finally see the dawn arrivin’
I see beyond the road I’m drivin’

Boston

The Hunter and I had a conversation about previous relationships that was interesting. Like watching a train wreck in wretched fascination, the Hunter finally had a few questions for me about my post-divorce relationships. He wanted to know how many guys I fucked prior to him and post-divorce. He wanted to know how I met these guys, so we talked about my time on Ashley Madison. He was surprised for a couple of reasons.

First, he was surprised that Ashley Madison worked. I told him that it was horrible for guys, but great for me. He was blown away by the number of inquiries I received weekly (over 100 picture requests). He was curious on why I went for married guys. I explained that at that time, I wanted sex, no strings-attached-sex and AM, at the time, seemed the best, quickest way to get there. Then I explained to him that after only two months on AM, I realized that I wanted more and I needed to be #1 in a man’s life, so I stopped. I told him that, for me, online dating sucked.

He is curious about my threesome but hasn’t been able to work himself up to asking for complete details. He has jealousy issues to work through, so I answer his questions but I don’t volunteer information because I have found that doesn’t help. He wants small doses of information that he can process than he asks for more. The Hunter realizes that he cannot judge me because he clearly admits to sleeping with over 100 women. I have told him that there will be no slut-shaming of my sexual past because that will cause a great deal of trouble between us – no double standards. He agrees and mildly wrestles with his latent chauvinism.

His last fuck buddy came from Facebook. I was surprised. He met this married woman through a mutual friend. The mutual friend actually is an exhibitionist who puts up erotic photography of herself. The Hunter wanted to hit on her (also married, but monogamous), however, after seeing how other guys hit on her, he took the smart approach and just engaged her civilly. That interaction roused the attention of the horny married friend who then pursued the Hunter. The first time they met was at the hourly motel rendezvous. She was older looking than her photos, but he calmed her jitters with pot and beer. He fucked her regularly at the hourly motel. Her blow jobs are apparently better than mine (I continue to want to improve, so I always appreciate constructive coaching). But she is married and a bit dramatic (as most of his previous paramours), so he was happy to be done with her. Although she may re-emerge as a potential for a threesome.  Time will tell.

I swear, I am such an innocent to not recognize that people of my age are hooking up through Facebook. OK, sure high school friends reconnect and hook up through Facebook, but strangers? I was fascinated.

Fuck Her Gently

This is a song for the ladies
But fellas, listen closely
You don’t always have to fuck her hard
In fact sometimes that’s not right to do
Sometimes you’ve got to make some love
And fuckin’ give her some smoochies too
Sometimes ya got to squeeze
Sometimes you’ve got to say, “Please”
Sometime you’ve got to say
“Hey, I’m gonna fuck you softly

Tenacious D

This weekend was spent having a major fuck fest with the Hunter. At the end, we both acknowledged that although we had made plans to get outside of the bedroom, neither one of us was any good with follow through. We have vowed to do better because we both have a love of the outdoors that has been neglected for the past 6-8 weeks, but at the end of the weekend, we confessed that we are still addicted to one another in the bedroom.

I discovered that applying a thin layer of baby oil on my labia both before and after sex has helped my comfort level tremendously. I guess this is the fate of a post-menopausal woman, but it’s an easy solution. I survived a weekend of Cialis-fueled sex with no problems except that on Saturday night after three rounds of hour plus sex, I needed a time out. The Hunter was still raring to go with his Cialis-fueled penis, but I need a break, so we slept for a couple of hours and then had outstanding sex outside on the patio at 2:30 am.

I am starting to see some very subtle changes as we ease into a live-in, long-term relationship. Nothing that is concerning, just a loosening I would call it. My sex drive is easing off the gas pedal, so the Hunter and I had a chat about that development during one of our out of the house breaks. We both agree that my sex drive was on hyper because I was trying to make up for lost time with a string of NSA men and that only made me more insatiable because I never was sure where or when my next fuck was. Now with a regular and outstanding sex partner, my extreme horniness is subsiding into something more controllable.

The Hunter on the other hand is unleashed. With an open, giving and game partner, he finally is feeling free to explore his sexual side unfettered. He is a force to be reckoned with. We aren’t finding a mismatch of libidos at this time, but time will tell. He wants to explore a variety of things including BDSM and threesomes. Although I am willing to consider those things, I also want some time in the relationship before these varsity level explorations. Our communication remains very open, so we will see what happens. The Hunter is enamored with me because, to date, I have never said “no” to him. That’s a first for him.

The domesticity of living together continues to be great. We don’t get into each other’s space too much yet we thoroughly enjoy each other’s company. On Sunday, we woke up fully prepared for a day outside. We ended up lazing in bed with some sex, a lot of talk and then we moved on to a big Sunday brunch. By then it was noon and we soon ended up back in bed for another round of great sex. That led to a long nap for me while the Hunter was busy doing some paperwork, running an errand and fixing dinner. I woke up to a fabulous dinner and then we drove out to a prairie area to watch the sunset. That was a beautiful moment of watching flocks of birds flying in to roost, the sun setting in a swirling haze of pinks and reds all while snuggled in the arms of the Hunter. Life is good.

By the way, the video is hilarious. Enjoy.

 

 

Photograph

Photograph
I don’t want your photograph
I don’t need your photograph
All I’ve got is a photograph, you’ve gone straight to my head

Def Leppard

Karma is a bitch and she has a great sense of humor. Earlier this week with bemusement, I read Ann St. Vincent’s post about how she multi-tasked herself into a panic of possible discovery. Ann’s post has caused the whole Google+ conundrum to circle in the back of my mind. I don’t believe I will have a problem with Gmail because I keep all the accounts separate and I don’t post on my blog from anything other than my laptop, but hey, we are all human like I found out yesterday.

My Achilles Heel is photos. I apparently have quite an exhibitionist streak in me that had gone undetected until recently. This side of me wants to break loose evidently. I need to figure out how the hell to keep my sexy selfies secure. I cannot hand my phone over to anyone to take a photo of me. It causes high anxiety in me because if they hit my camera roll, they will get an eyeful. I use my camera quite a bit for work, so it is a high risk game that I am playing. I got a cold dose of reality about this vulnerability yesterday. Settle back, it’s time for one of Maggie’s stories.

Yesterday I woke up and was listening to Dan Savage’s podcast. The sun was filtering into my room, so the light was soft and beautiful. I had slept in my undies only. The air was deliciously cool, so I was relaxed, feeling sexy and content. What better time to snap a couple of erotic selfies? Hy’s Boobday had inspired me. So I took a few snapshots. Why not? I planned on sharing them later at the appropriate time.

I head off to my hairdresser with my girlfriend for a great afternoon of highlights, haircut and the company of two women I adore. It is the first time my girlfriend is getting her hair done by my young, beautiful, talented stylist. My daughter is at a wedding as a bridesmaid, so she sends me some gorgeous pictures of her and her boyfriend. I am sharing them because my girlfriend and stylist know my daughter. Lovely.

At the same time, I am getting an IM through Facebook’s Messenger from DB. He’s wanting to know if I’m getting any action. As a dating coach, I keep him in the loop. I have become his fantasy fuck so when he’s feeling randy, I’ll get some texts from him. He is handy on occasion so I’ll send him the occasional boob shot. What a perfect time to shoot one over to him! But for some weird technical reason, he can’t see photos on Facebook’s Messenger, so I always have to text them.

I have no idea with the fuck happened. The photo went to my daughter. Oh yes. I couldn’t stop it and watched in horror as it went off to her in cyber world. I begin hysterically laughing. I am beet red, laughing with tears streaming down my face. I am gasping. Unable to speak. The salon (which is thankfully very small) comes to dead quiet. “I just sent my daughter a nude photo”. Their looks were priceless.

Instantly I get a text from my daughter: “I think you just accidentally sent me a picture”.

I respond, “Opps. We are hysterical over here. My bad.”

“Yup”. She answers.

I decide to take ownership for my idiocy. “Soooo sorry. I hope you aren’t traumatized. I am truly horrifically embarrassed.”

“No problem. Love you bunches.”   Now, don’t I have the coolest daughter in the universe?? She continues, “Also, seriously don’t worry about it, better me than someone else!”

I respond, “Right? We are hysterically laughing”

I need to sloooowwww down. Slow the fuck down. Breathe.

So since the exhibitionist in me doesn’t really give a shit and I know you are curious about the photo I sent here. Here it is. Enjoy.

selfie

I’m Back in the Saddle Again

I’m back
I’m back in the saddle again
I’m back
I’m back in the saddle again

Aerosmith

This post could also be entitled: Don Juan – Now you see him, now you don’t.

Don Juan arrived back in town and we made plans for a nice dinner on Tuesday. However, he arrived in town really sick with a fever, so he cancelled. I was very disappointed, actually pissed off, because I waited all day (meaning incommunicado in order to push him to initiate) and then he cancelled at 6:30. My girlfriend was more forgiving than I because she thought the last minute cancellation signaled that he was trying to keep our date up until the last minute. Even though I had just gotten out of the shower, I promptly went to the gym and for a non-runner, I tore through 3 miles in less than 40 minutes which included a 5 minute warm up. Yes, I know that illness is a valid excuse and not something that he can control, but I was annoyed.

We re-scheduled for Thursday night, but he warns me that he still isn’t up to speed. He asked if we could just get some take-out and have a quiet dinner at my place. That was fine, and I actually made dinner because, well, I felt like being nice. He arrives on time and empty handed. First strike. Seriously, you haven’t seen me in about two months and I am cooking dinner for you. You walk in with…nothing but a smile on your face? Grab some flowers and make an effort.

It was a very good dinner. I heard all about his trip, the wedding, the holiday because I asked. We talked about the book he had recommended and I had read. The conversation flowed. One thing he talked about a lot was the Family Constellation that they did the night before the wedding. Oh boy, if you aren’t familiar with them, get ready for some trippy New Age stuff. I have a pretty interesting and busy life, but his trip topped my life completely. From the sounds of it, he had an incredible time with his family. Kudos to him.

After dinner, we sat on the couch and talked some more. He began talking about his 2015 goals of more outdoor exercise. He wants to do more biking, swimming and running (the latter depends on his knees holding up). Then he tells me that he will be traveling a lot with more time spent in his second home and his home country. As a matter of fact, he flew out on Friday back to his home country for 10 days.

I asked him jokingly where we are going. He told me that I am impatient. He said it gently, and I told him that I am working on that, however, I need to have my expectations managed better. He stayed about two hours, but we had no sex, nothing. He didn’t want to get me sick. I could see that he was running out of steam. When he was leaving, he held me tight. We just stood in a long embrace. I snuggled under his chin. He held me close. And that was it.

He left and I sat down thinking, “What the fuck?!” My immediate reaction was to realize that I am an insignificant part of his life. I felt marginalized, compartmentalized. I was incredibly sad and confused. At first, I didn’t know what to think. I was at a complete loss for words, so I just sat down and wrote down all my random thoughts and feelings about the evening in an effort to sort things out.

I have been mulling this over and reflecting with friends since Thursday night. One astute friend nailed it. Don Juan is an “in the moment” guy. He enjoys the connection in that moment and then he’s off to something else. I had my awakening while he was gone and his feeling that he doesn’t have to communicate with me if he’s with his family. That’s a wakeup call if ever there was one. He has no plans to change his communication style.

I need to forget him. I need to move forward with my life and let him fit in if possible. I can’t wait. I can’t be in limbo. He moves to the bottom of the pile. If he surfaces and I want to fuck him, great. But otherwise, I must let go. This can’t continue with me waiting. His plans will be in a constant flux due to work. I am done being the one chasing. I deserve better.

Once again I feel like I am the hopeless romantic with over-sized expectations. But I also realize that this experience is part of the process. It keeps things in perspective and I must learn these lessons. It’s the only way I’ll grow.

My high-school guy friend summed it up, “Dang. Well, you are hot enough and savvy enough to restock.”

From Don Juan I have learned that I want and deserve to be is Number #1. In all these situations with married men, I am a sidebar, a diversion. I want to be front and center. I need to recognize what someone else told me, “There is a world of men out there dying to be close to someone like you.” I need to continue my journey and put myself in situations so those guys can find me.

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