"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Archive for the ‘marriage’ Category

Teamwork

One thing I will say about my Ex — he’s a very good dad.  When my son arrived at his new digs in his new city to start his new grad school a few months ago, he discovered his new roommate was bat shit crazy.  He was signed up with a company that master leases various houses and then it leases out the individual bedrooms to different folks.  They handle the cleaning of the common areas.  For my son, it was an elegant solution to his housing need.  That is until he got Crazy Girl.

Without going into details, the situation was untenable and my son needed to move immediately.  Literally the day he arrived, he started making plans to leave.  It was that bad. The landlord had other options for him, but was a bit slow off the mark to remedy the situation.

My son called me the second or third night in a full on panic.  I texted my Ex and we spoke the next morning.  My Ex is an attorney.  We quickly debriefed one another, voiced identical concerns and agreed to the same immediate course of action.  I voluntarily said I was standing down and would await updates from him and my son.  I had to wait for updates from both my Ex and my son — I was on pins and needles all day.  I promised that if I heard something from my son that perhaps was unknown to my Ex, I would advise him.  He promised to do the same.

Fortunately my son has a cousin (my Ex’s nephew) in the same city so that provided an immediate couch-surfing solution.  We wanted him out immediately because we would not put it past Crazy Girl to #MeToo him.  They were two people living in the same house alone which could create a He Said/She Said situation.  She was that kind of crazy.  Now keep in mind that I am very pro #MeToo.  I believe all the Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby, Brett Kavanaugh and Jeffrey Epstein accusers.  However, in my son’s situation, all of us were highly concerned — even the property manager was concerned about it.

Luckily, property management leaped into the situation with a viable solution and rushed the process so my son could switch houses within 48 hours.  Luckily, my son had his car so he was able to move everything in a single trip.  Luckily, we all kept the channels of communication open and nobody pointed fingers or cast blame.  It was a successful team effort.

Yet another example of the fact that even though my marriage is over, and I am happy it is over, it was still a successful one.  It was simply one that had run its course.

Now my son is in a house with three other guys with like interests.  A bunch of introverted, intellectual nerds.  A match made in heaven.  As for Crazy Girl?  She apparently was evicted.  Good riddance.

daryn-stumbaugh-sZmIT85cV84-unsplash

Photo by Daryn Stumbaugh on Unsplash

My Beach Read

My beach read for my recent trip was “The Naked Truth” by Leslie Morgan.  That damn bitch wrote my book.  Actually she wrote the Hollywood version of my book.

She’s doing the newly divorced 50ish woman re-discovering her sexuality with a flair that only privileged white women can do.  That’s my snarky side peeking out.

Leslie is a beautiful, fit, successful writer with two homes.  That hussy was living the dream — my dream — in her memoir.  OK, enough of my green-eyed monster.  Give me a minute and let me tuck my monster away….

OK, I’m back.  Leslie was right on point.  Her pain, her honesty, her humor but mostly her blinding candor made this book a great read for me.  It reminds me that women in our 50’s with an empty (or nearly empty) nest really need to spend some time discovering and uncovering ourselves (pun intended).

No spoilers.  If you have a chance to grab the book, you’ll spend some time with someone who automatically feels like a friend.  Here are some of my favorite quotes – no spoilers, I promise.

“I was crazy about men now the way Lyon had loved each of his high school hookups.  Including me.  Each of the men in my life was a chip of self-worth, helping me rebuild myself”

“Ever ask yourself what are you really looking for, honey?  Sometimes it seems like you’re willing to pay an awfully steep price in order to feel loved.  That’s what you always say about your first marriage — that the definition of an abuse victim is someone who pays too high a ransom in exchange for love.”    This one hit home for me.

Sara (this is her therapist) had warned me to be careful.  She cautioned that the first serious relationship following a divorce can be more intense than the marriage itself, because after a divorce, you are raw and broken and filled with hope that the next time, you’re going to find lasting love to make up for the love you lost.”  Damn, did that ring true.

“You know it sounds to me like Jake (her boyfriend) is your burn ointment.  Your sexual healing after years of Marty’s (her Ex) sabotage.  But that doesn’t mean he’s your soul mate.  Each man you date now is a building block for your self-esteem.  Not the foundation.  Don’t confuse the two.”  Damn, I need her therapist.  That woman is worth her weight in gold.

“Withholding emotion is a form of manipulation.”  Yeah, I may be guilty of this…

“Part of this journey was, obviously, that I had to learn and re-learn that the way I allowed men to treat me was up to me, and only me. I had to thread a particularly challenging needle:  to find validation from men in my life without completely giving myself over to them.”  Yep, still working on that.

“You grew up in an alcoholic home.  Fundamentally, this means that the people who loved you, who were supposed to take care of you, didn’t protect you.  It’s why you are so independent, and yet paradoxically susceptible to abuse and manipulation by those closest to you.”   This was a biggie for me.  My family wasn’t necessarily an alcoholic home, but it was dysfunctional.  Something to ponder further.

Anyway, buy Leslie’s book.  We divorced nymphomaniacs need to stick together.

Naked Truth

Protected: Once I Lost My Car Key

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Protected: Mother’s Day – Bah Humbug

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Protected: Stuff

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Protected: Little Lies

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Protected: Where Have I Been?

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Tag Cloud