What can we call my relationship with the Hunter? We are considering ourselves still a monogamous couple albeit living separately. The sex has been great. Sleeping alone and having our own space is also great. We talk and text several times a day.
He was the first person I called when I had a spider crawling across my car’s touchscreen as I headed down a rush hour highway last week. I killed that arachnid with my cute umbrella after trying my Yeti full of coffee. The Yeti just wasn’t the right weapon.
I am the first person he calls when he’s happy, frustrated, etc. He sends me a good morning text, usually calls during my commute and sends a good night text as well. The man is lovingly attentive, I must say.
Are you waiting for a “but…”? Nope, I don’t have one. I am just going with the flow. I am not trying to define this or create rules or anything else. I am just in the moment.
We have plans to spend Thanksgiving with some of his family. I will spend Christmas with Taz and my son while he takes off on a road trip with the Kracken. We have been seeing each other 2-3 times a week. Like I said above, the sex is great. I may have stumbled onto the right combination for us. Time will tell.
The Hunter invited me for a sleepover on Friday. It made sense because I had a dentist appointment close to him and he lives close to the old place. We could have a slumber party and then get up early to tackle the final clean out. I was good with the plans until Friday morning and then I wasn’t. I was so tired. The prospect of cozying up on the floor of his place on a nest of sleeping bags wasn’t alluring. I’m too old for that shit.
I called and backed out. He texted me about an hour later and volunteered to some up to see me. Now we are talking. I got a gourmet pizza and he came over for pizza and romping. Then he went home because he had not fed the Kracken and he likes sleeping in his own bed these days.
He called me when he got home and said he had been thinking on the ride home. He asked if I was happy with the situation of us living apart but still seeing each other. I wasn’t sure what to say, so I turned the tables and asked him. He loves it. I laughed and said I did also. He loves sleeping alone (me too) and having his own space (me too).
When we see each other, it’s a short amount of time full of active listening and affection. We talk every day at least twice a day plus some texting. How long will this last? I have no idea. Is it an ideal relationship? For now. Who knows?
What I do know is that there is no longer any tension between us. I am no longer responsible for him financially or otherwise. We do our own thing and try to see each other twice a week or so. The sex is great, we cuddle and then he leaves. I have to say, having the entire bed to myself is lovely.
He just called me to see how I was doing. We both had a lot of crap to unload from our respective vehicles. I had about 5=6 trips plus I went grocery shopping because I am a glutton for punishment. He was laughing at me because although I have just finished getting rid of a ton of crap, here I am getting a few more things. What’s on the list? A used KitchenAid mixer, a dutch oven (Aldi has some nice ones for $25 versus $60 everywhere else) and a used Instant Pot. Why all the kitchen stuff? Stay tuned and I’ll tell you.
However, now I am pooped. My Buns of Steel got their workout from my endless trips up and down today. I did go for a quick swim at my beautiful resort-style pool and it was lovely and relaxing. Exactly what I wanted in my new place. The final steps have taken place. I have officially left the old place and now the new chapter begins. It will be an interesting transition….
I picked up my keys to my new place today. I went at lunch, tape measure in hand so I could confirm things. I happened to have post-its on me and my furniture measurements were in my phone, so I used the post-its to lay out my furniture. Perfect. Everything will fit – hypothetically.
I am charmed with my place. Now I could have been light-headed from a lack of oxygen due to my climb to the third floor, but I like an upper floor. It faces south and the living area was filled with natural light, but the bedroom is shaded because the balcony is in front. I will have a storage room on the same floor (thank goodness!).
It is perfect for one person. Probably better for one person who isn’t apparently still recovering from hoarding, but I will get there.
Tonight the Hunter dropped by because he wanted one more romp for old times sake. We rolled around gloriously and then I kicked him out so I could pack. It was pretty funny.
I’m just about ready. I have a few things to pack in the morning, but I feel calm and prepared. Ha! That won’t last for long, but it will allow me to sleep. It feels a bit surreal that another huge component of my reset is happening. Thank you, God, Karma, the Universe. I am very, very grateful.
Last night was the last one of the Hunter and I living together. Tonight he will spend it in his new place. We spent the day packing and figuring out who gets what. It has been pleasant and stress-free.
over the weekend, we went out to dinner, had drinks and talked about how we want us to be going forward. I told him he would be my friend forever. This whole weekend has been filled with mutual admiration and affection.
I have been to his new place. It is perfect for him and the Kracken. He has made countless trips over there moving his things. He is excited and happy about setting up his apartment.
I vastly prefer movers hauling my stuff in one big trip. Plus with me on the third floor, strong men hauling my stuff is a necessity. My big move is later this week, so I will be spending the next four nights alone amongst the boxes. I’m fine with that. It will be my new normal anyway as I get settled in my next chapter.
My change is happening. My next chapter continues. Wow.
I haven’t written much about how things are going with me and the Hunter because there really isn’t much to say. Things are winding down in a civil, kind way. He cannot destroy our relationship because he needs me to help him launch this huge consulting gig. It’s not my style to blow up relationships, so things are more like roommates.
He has moved out of the bedroom. I don’t mind. I’ve enjoyed having my space and privacy. He has also or so he says.
With the boredom that comes from waiting for Hurricane Dorian, he wants sex. That’s fine too. I like him in bed. We fucked and then he slept downstairs. Perfect. LOL.
There are things I will miss about him. There are many I won’t. It’s very calm right now. He got angry after my son visited and made false accusations of thinking I found him to be ignorant and other things. He left me a note about it. I responded with a note saying he was mistaken and that I realize as we wind down, things will be more stressful. He was fine after that, but that’s when he moved downstairs.
He hasn’t found a place to live. He has 30 days and he just got the first chunk of his consulting retainer so he has the money. I refuse to worry about him in this regard. I gave him five months notice.
Gywneth Paltrow is actually right. You can have a conscious uncoupling. I think. I still have a month to see how it plays out. Our next chapter will be interesting. He wants me to help with his work and I want to help. I find it interesting and lucrative as a side hustle. Time will tell.
I had the beautiful realization that I have been blessed with my kids. Although my Ex and I split after 25 years, we spent those years creating a good family atmosphere for our kids. They love one another and everyone helps the other out.
Taz called me yesterday to chitchat about life. I love to hear from her. I don’t have much to add to the conversation these days, so I like to listen and ask questions about her life. We started talking about my Son who will be returning from Asia in a few very short weeks.
She had a frank discussion with him about money, his budget, student loans and the like. She is the Queen of Student Loans because let’s face it — med school was not cheap. Taz told him that he needed a little more of a buffer and he needed to factor in some fun money. She’s right. My Son tends to be too frugal. Think hermit — monk. He still wears his t-shirts from high school and he’s 23.
We decided I needed to see if he is willing to share his actual budget, so we can make sure he has enough $$. My Ex is helping him with housing and will co-sign on the lease. I am helping him with resume, LinkedIn, recommendations and job-hunting. We are all happily wanting to help him but not in a bossy, overbearing way. He asks and we jump to attention.
What a beautiful family. How wonderful that everyone is looking out for the other, proud of each other, no competition or jealousy. What a miracle. Today, this is what I am grateful for.
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
Life has been chugging along without any awful drama. Work is great. I’ve been there for 3 paydays and another one is coming up this Friday. Some of my Maggie & Co. business has taken some wicked turns that would have left me gasping in panic if I had continued. I thank my lucky stars, Karma, God, whatever you want to call it, every day.
I tried joining a gym to exercise in the morning before work and shower at the gym. I hated the showering part, so I’m cutting my losses by cancelling the membership. Instead I will just run around my neighborhood several times for 20+ minutes in the morning. It’s dark, but my neighborhood is lit up like it’s daylight and I feel comfortable doing that.
The Hunter and I took an amazing road trip over July 4th. It deserves its own post. Suffice it to say, we had a fabulous time.
I want to write about how I am feeling about the pending move and all the upcoming changes. It’s daunting. Tomorrow I go to look at places in the new town for the first time. I have someone from work helping me. She is a realtor and does most of the company’s relocations. She is super nice and I see our friendship continuing (hopefully) after this.
I have no complaints other than the drive is tiring. Two hours of highway driving every day does wear me down, but at least traffic flows. I am preparing for a very frugal life once I move. The Hunter and I have struck a deal that will be my side hustle going forward. He is winning a new piece of business that will be substantial. I am so proud of him.
Anyway, I am alive. I am fat and happy. I figure the fat will solve itself once I get settled. Both kids are doing great and my son returns from Asia in about four weeks. I can’t wait to see him. He will be packing up and heading off to grad school shortly upon his return, but at least we will once again be in the same time zone.
My oh my am I relieved that I have come out the other side?? Abso-fucking-lutely. Now I have to help my BFF get there. She is in her valley of despair. Fortunately she says that I give her hope.
Anyway, let me get some rest. My 5:30 am wake up and jog will be here before I know it.