"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Archive for the ‘Love’ Category

Family Love

I had the beautiful realization that I have been blessed with my kids.  Although my Ex and I split after 25 years, we spent those years creating a good family atmosphere for our kids.  They love one another and everyone helps the other out.

Taz called me yesterday to chitchat about life.  I love to hear from her.  I don’t have much to add to the conversation these days, so I like to listen and ask questions about her life.  We started talking about my Son who will be returning from Asia in a few very short weeks.

She had a frank discussion with him about money, his budget, student loans and the like.  She is the Queen of Student Loans because let’s face it — med school was not cheap.  Taz told him that he needed a little more of a buffer and he needed to factor in some fun money.  She’s right.  My Son tends to be too frugal.  Think hermit — monk.  He still wears his t-shirts from high school and he’s 23.

We decided I needed to see if he is willing to share his actual budget, so we can make sure he has enough $$.  My Ex is helping him with housing and will co-sign on the lease.  I am helping him with resume, LinkedIn, recommendations and job-hunting.  We are all happily wanting to help him but not in a bossy, overbearing way.  He asks and we jump to attention.

What a beautiful family.  How wonderful that everyone is looking out for the other, proud of each other, no competition or jealousy.  What a miracle.  Today, this is what I am grateful for.

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Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

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I’m Chugging Along

Life has been chugging along without any awful drama.  Work is great.  I’ve been there for 3 paydays and another one is coming up this Friday.  Some of my Maggie & Co. business has taken some wicked turns that would have left me gasping in panic if I had continued.  I thank my lucky stars, Karma, God, whatever you want to call it, every day.

I tried joining a gym to exercise in the morning before work and shower at the gym.  I hated the showering part, so I’m cutting my losses by cancelling the membership.  Instead I will just run around my neighborhood several times for 20+ minutes in the morning.  It’s dark, but my neighborhood is lit up like it’s daylight and I feel comfortable doing that.

The Hunter and I took an amazing road trip over July 4th.  It deserves its own post.  Suffice it to say, we had a fabulous time.

I want to write about how I am feeling about the pending move and all the upcoming changes.  It’s daunting.  Tomorrow I go to look at places in the new town for the first time.  I have someone from work helping me.  She is a realtor and does most of the company’s relocations.  She is super nice and I see our friendship continuing (hopefully) after this.

I have no complaints other than the drive is tiring.  Two hours of highway driving every day does wear me down, but at least traffic flows.  I am preparing for a very frugal life once I move.  The Hunter and I have struck a deal that will be my side hustle going forward.  He is winning a new piece of business that will be substantial.  I am so proud of him.

Anyway, I am alive.  I am fat and happy.  I figure the fat will solve itself once I get settled.  Both kids are doing great and my son returns from Asia in about four weeks.  I can’t wait to see him.  He will be packing up and heading off to grad school shortly upon his return, but at least we will once again be in the same time zone.

My oh my am I relieved that I have come out the other side?? Abso-fucking-lutely.  Now I have to help my BFF get there.  She is in her valley of despair.  Fortunately she says that I give her hope.

Anyway, let me get some rest.  My 5:30 am wake up and jog will be here before I know it.

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Photo by Pedro Lastra on Unsplash

My Beach Read

My beach read for my recent trip was “The Naked Truth” by Leslie Morgan.  That damn bitch wrote my book.  Actually she wrote the Hollywood version of my book.

She’s doing the newly divorced 50ish woman re-discovering her sexuality with a flair that only privileged white women can do.  That’s my snarky side peeking out.

Leslie is a beautiful, fit, successful writer with two homes.  That hussy was living the dream — my dream — in her memoir.  OK, enough of my green-eyed monster.  Give me a minute and let me tuck my monster away….

OK, I’m back.  Leslie was right on point.  Her pain, her honesty, her humor but mostly her blinding candor made this book a great read for me.  It reminds me that women in our 50’s with an empty (or nearly empty) nest really need to spend some time discovering and uncovering ourselves (pun intended).

No spoilers.  If you have a chance to grab the book, you’ll spend some time with someone who automatically feels like a friend.  Here are some of my favorite quotes – no spoilers, I promise.

“I was crazy about men now the way Lyon had loved each of his high school hookups.  Including me.  Each of the men in my life was a chip of self-worth, helping me rebuild myself”

“Ever ask yourself what are you really looking for, honey?  Sometimes it seems like you’re willing to pay an awfully steep price in order to feel loved.  That’s what you always say about your first marriage — that the definition of an abuse victim is someone who pays too high a ransom in exchange for love.”    This one hit home for me.

Sara (this is her therapist) had warned me to be careful.  She cautioned that the first serious relationship following a divorce can be more intense than the marriage itself, because after a divorce, you are raw and broken and filled with hope that the next time, you’re going to find lasting love to make up for the love you lost.”  Damn, did that ring true.

“You know it sounds to me like Jake (her boyfriend) is your burn ointment.  Your sexual healing after years of Marty’s (her Ex) sabotage.  But that doesn’t mean he’s your soul mate.  Each man you date now is a building block for your self-esteem.  Not the foundation.  Don’t confuse the two.”  Damn, I need her therapist.  That woman is worth her weight in gold.

“Withholding emotion is a form of manipulation.”  Yeah, I may be guilty of this…

“Part of this journey was, obviously, that I had to learn and re-learn that the way I allowed men to treat me was up to me, and only me. I had to thread a particularly challenging needle:  to find validation from men in my life without completely giving myself over to them.”  Yep, still working on that.

“You grew up in an alcoholic home.  Fundamentally, this means that the people who loved you, who were supposed to take care of you, didn’t protect you.  It’s why you are so independent, and yet paradoxically susceptible to abuse and manipulation by those closest to you.”   This was a biggie for me.  My family wasn’t necessarily an alcoholic home, but it was dysfunctional.  Something to ponder further.

Anyway, buy Leslie’s book.  We divorced nymphomaniacs need to stick together.

Naked Truth

A Win for The Hunter

The Hunter had a preliminary meeting with a new client last week.  This is someone I introduced him to.  Based on work he had done with a previous client I had introduced him to plus a glowing reference from that client and a vendor, the new client is eager for his services.  These are good people.  They are good people who have TONS of work for him.  This contract will make him financially stable.  Seriously.  Crazy, right?

We sat down and de-briefed his meeting.  Talked about the next steps.  He needs a detailed proposal, we have to do some work to make sure we are pricing this correctly, etc.  It’s a big fucking deal.  This is not a “if he get this” but a “when he gets this”.  He has no competition for this account.  I am so happy for him.  Not a shred of remorse about our decision to uncouple, only relief and happiness that his future is more secure.

I told him that.  I told him that one of my concerns about our uncoupling was his economic security.  He smiled and said that he is a grown 50ish-year-old man and I should have no worries regardless of the outcome of this contract.  I felt relief.

I also had a moment while we were sitting and talking about our week together, where I thought, “I’m going to miss this.”  I am going to miss that intimacy of having someone that you can tell everything to.  Someone who listens to all your stories and you know that they will keep your confidences.  That is the part of a relationship that I crave the most oftentimes.  Something to think about.  How am I going to feel being alone after a really great week with no one to celebrate it with me?  How do I fill that void?

Anyway, this contract would get me my new sofa (LOL).  It will get him off my cell phone plan.  I can be reimbursed for his laptop, phone and more.  It will help set things right between us economically, at least a little.  Wow, is Karma blessing me this year or what?

We have a lot of work before us.  I am busy closing Maggie & Co even though people are throwing business my way.  I say “yes, however..” and explain how I will be partnering with someone to complete it. New clients don’t mind.  Crazy, right?

We have to prepare his proposal and think about how he will get the work done.  In addition, he has a large volume of potential new business (smaller projects) from another source.  He needs a part-time admin, a good CPA and some part-time independent contractors to help execute it — infrastructure.  He also wants to stand on his own two feet.  My advice is acknowledged, but he wants to find his own CPA — he didn’t like mine.  He has identified his independent contractors (great choices) and we talked about the part-time admin.  He was initially thinking about going with a young college student.  I disagreed and suggested that since this will be someone working from home and very independently, perhaps a stay-at-home mom or someone older would be a better fit.  My position was that he doesn’t need someone learning on the job; he needs someone who can hit the ground running.  He agreed.

We talked about the furniture situation.  What I will take and what he can have.  It’s all coming together.  It is interesting to see how we are pulling away romantically, but our friendship and respect for one another continues.  Six more months of this weird cohabitation….

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Photo by Philippe Montes on Unsplash

I am so Happy!!

I am so incredibly happy these days.  I go about my days full of sunshine and rainbows.  I am so relieved about so many things.  What am I relieved about, you ask.  Why, let me list them:

  • I got the job and my days of income insecurity are coming to a close.  Whew!
  • I am earning enough money from the waning days of Maggie & Co. that I will pay off a sizable chunk of my debt plus have a cushy emergency fund.
  • The Hunter & I have amicably decided that while we care for one another, we need to live apart.  We are both incredibly happy with one another right now about that decision.
  • I have been talking to a few very close colleagues and they are generously agreeing to help me with several clients that will have ongoing projects and future projects that will need help.  I will get paid for these things.
  • I am able to step down from my professional organization for a really good reason (new job) and that time-sucking volunteer role will soon be behind me.
  • I visited my little bank and they are bending over backwards to accommodate me when I move further away.  They are really nice folks.
  • My stars keep aligning and good fortune keeps following me.  I cannot express enough how well things are falling into place.

If you ask me about my new job, I am thrilled to chatter along about it.  If you ask me about moving, I talk about how excited I am to move.  If you ask me about the Hunter, I explain how happy we are to have our own spaces again.  I am just so damn happy.  I haven’t felt this great in a long, long time.

This happiness/joy is also a blessing in itself.  I have realized that it has been a long time since I have truly felt relatively stress-free like this.  I don’t have the burden of worrying about where my next dollar will come from.  I have the joy of creating a beautiful new home that will once again be the way I want it.  No compromise (except for the budget I am giving myself).

I am busy right now, but not too busy.  I am writing lists and lists of things to get done in my remaining days of Maggie & Co.  Now excuse me while I happily get back to business.

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Photo by Lidya Nada on Unsplash

 

He Said It First

He said it first.  The Hunter called me yesterday and said we needed to talk.  I agreed.  He doesn’t want to move when the time comes.  We agreed our relationship has run its course, but we don’t want to be angry or bitter.  We still care about each other.

He asked that we hold all of this for a face-to-face conversation, but he’s relieved that we are both approaching this like adults.  Me too.

We had a brief chat before I had to head out to some appointments.  He had two concerns:

  1. Was there someone else in my life?  Of course the answer is an emphatic No. 
  2. He needs time to get his shit together so he can figure out his living situation.  We talked about the timing and he was relieved that he had almost six months.

It was a low-key, friendly conversation.  I had to leave because I had a busy afternoon out and about, so I got home late.  We didn’t have much of a chance to talk last night.

This morning we fucked and went to breakfast.  Funny, right?  OK, OK, I know the sex is suppose to stop after a relationship is ending, but right now he’s not using it to keep me around.  He just wants to fuck.  Afterwards he sighed and said, “How can we get along so well but don’t want to be together?”  We both chuckled.  We both agreed that living apart would be best and that we would see where things would go with the relationship, but our friendship would continue.

When we first moved in together, we had agreed that we were adults and we would live together until we didn’t want to.  That time has come.  Now it will be interesting to see how things morph and shift during the next six months.  Will he be able to stand on his own two feet?  I hope so, because I will be withdrawing my safety net during this time.

This is just one more piece of my life that is getting sorted out as it should.  It’s a no stress, low drama ending to a relationship that has run its course.  My stars are aligning.  This is my time.  My second chance — now let me take full advantage of it and not blow it!

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Photo by Harli Marten on Unsplash

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