"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Archive for the ‘Life in General’ Category

I Was Sick

Ugh, like the new kid at school, I caught a cold and was a snuffly, cranky mess for the week.

Colds run a predictable pattern with me:  days of sore throat followed by hacky cough.  Next is a crescendo of runny nose, sneezing and general germy  demeanor that halts people in their track from approaching me.  The cold fades with sneezing, some strong coughing and snot.  Lots of snot.

I’m cranky when I have a cold.  Leave me the f*#k alone.  The Hunter walks on egg shells because his natural inclination is to hover and cuddle and nurse.  I hate that.  Seriously, it could be anyone trying to do that and I’ll bite their head off.  Just hand me a Coke, some DayQuil or NightQuil depending on the time of day, a box of tissues and the remote.  Retreat.  By the end I’ll want food, but otherwise, do not acknowledge my existence.  Thank you.

The Hunter thought he was sexy and adorable telling me he can’t wait to get me in the sack and ravage me.  My nose is red and runny, I’m coughing/sneezing/blowing my nose. I’m exhausted from a week of commuting 2 hours round trip and a long day.   Really?  Sex is the last thing on my mind.  Snuggling is not an option.  Read my above statements.  Ugh.  Seriously?  I just want sleep, lots of sleep, and the remote.

I know I sound ungrateful, however, I think sick folks (meaning not seriously ill, just minor maladies) fall into two categories:  1) ignore me and 2) nurse me back to health.  I am the former and the Hunter is the latter.  I guess part of my problem is that I want to be ignored because my history involved having people that always wanted something from me, even when I was sick.  “What are you making for dinner?”  “Where is ____?”  “Can you take me here, there or yonder?”  “How long are you going to sit on the couch?”  Yeah, being sick in my previous life was not an option.

Now I revel in the glory that if I want to sit my ass on the couch all weekend to read books and watch movies, I can.  Add in a rainy day and you’ll lucky if I say four words.

Today I’m feeling human.  I’m about to jump in the shower and clean all my cold germs off me.  It’s a catch up day of paperwork for Maggie & Co plus my personal bills and what not.  It’s not sexy day.  I’m not feeling it.  I feel lucky to feel simply human right now.  Now, how do I reject him without hurting his feelings?  I have no idea, but I better think of something because he’ll be home in a few hours….

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Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

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PayDay!

This week I received my first paycheck.  It’s the first steady paycheck I have received in over 15 years.  Quite the momentous occasion for me.  The revelation that I’ll get another one in two weeks is awesome.  I signed up for my benefits this week.  The cost, fully loaded with vision, dental, short and long-term disability, is about 60% – 70% less than what I currently pay for basic healthcare. Wow.

I continue to shake my head about the normalcy that has returned to my life. This company is filled with people who do the 9-5 with no overtime and no expectations of you staying late.  I am use to a world that if you walk out at closing time, people scoff that you are only working part-time.  This keeping normal hours is a revelation.

I had dinner with a dear GF from my old profession.  She and I have talked candidly about the financial problems we are facing.  She was always far more successful for me, but now she’s hit the skids.  For good reasons, but her financial instability is panic-inducing.  Balancing her arrears in her mortgage and other bills.  Getting a nice size check only to spend it on catching up on bills.  Facing a grim future.  I feel for her.

She was so incredibly happy for me.  She said it gives her hope that her future will shift soon also.

I am obnoxiously happy.  I am that obnoxious friend that is so incredibly blissful about life.  I continue to enjoy my job and figure out new things to do and people to meet.  I make a positive impact to the company’s bottom line every day.  I like everyone I have met.  Nothing but sunshine and rainbows over here.

Next week I am starting a couple of new habits.  I have been allowing myself the excuse of a long commute to not exercise or take my lunch.  Lunch excuses also involve using the social experience of lunching with colleagues to build relationships.  Time to curb the procrastination.

On Friday I bounced over to the nearby gym that has showers and opens early enough that I can go there before work.  My plan is to put on my exercise garb and drive to work where I will be forced to work out since I’m already dressed.  Even if I don’t do that, I can work out at lunch or after work.

I have to start moving my body.  Sitting/standing in an office all day with a 2-hour round trip commute is not helping my aging body.  It feels stiff, bloated and out of shape.  This weekend, I’ll put together my gym bag so I can get started Monday morning.

The other thing is lunch.  Let’s face it, I can’t afford $15/day for lunch.  That doesn’t fit with my new frugal strategy.

I am about to embark on an IRS repayment plan that will demand that I adhere to a tighter budget so I can get my ass out of debt.  Even though Maggie & Co. is still generating some $$ that will provide an emergency fund, monies to relocate and pay off debt, I’m still not out of the woods.  I still have to be smart.

The lingering clients of Maggie & Co. have some ups and downs that constantly remind me why I have fled this business.  I just got off the phone with one that makes me take a deep sigh and shake my head in frustration.  Yep, I made the right decision.

Now, let me do a little more Maggie & Co. work, some admin work for the Hunter and then I can put my gym bag together.  Busy, busy, busy in an obnoxiously happy way.  Life is good.  Thank you, dear Lord, Karma or whoever you are.  I am grateful each and every day.

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Photo by Johen Redman on Unsplash

 

 

 

 

Family, Recharge, Nature

I spent Memorial Day weekend at the beachside town I have been visiting with my family for over 28 years.  It was my first overnight visit in over 5 years.  My first post-divorce stay.

My Ex began coming back to this town about 1-2 years ago.  I was glad he did.  He has been visiting with his fiancee and our son.  It holds special memories for all of us.  To put it in perspective, this is where I have told my kids to sprinkle my ashes when I’m gone.

I was the third wheel with my girlfriend and her husband.  They had never vacationed here, so I was able to provide some tour guiding assistance.  I was careful not to be too pushy with my advice and let them suss out what they wanted to do.

I was so happy to drive up by myself.  I brought my bike and pedaled around a couple of times.  We hit some of my favorite spots for dinner, but not all of them.  They are low-key, so we didn’t hit the busy places or the bars.  I would have enjoyed an evening of live music and drinks, but that didn’t happen.

The weather was perfect.  Our beach house was ideal for the three of us and their dog.  I spent my days walking, biking — busy and I felt really good the entire trip.

This place brings back happy memories.  My Ex and I rarely fought here.  It was a place of peace.  As my blog title explains, this place has always been about Family, Recharging and Nature — the beach is breathtaking.  My drive up and back was relaxing.  I stopped at a waterfront restaurant and enjoyed an amazing view and a delicious meal.  My friends were chill and fun.  My room was cozy.

I spent a weekend completely at peace.  The Hunter fucked me silly before I left.  I wish I had taken my vibe, but that’s OK.  The walls might be a little too thin for that.  LOL.

The weekend was the perfect buffer between ending Maggie & Co. and starting my new job.  I had a full day at home to shop and cook before starting my new job.  I felt fully prepared and eager to get going.

As I sat on the beautiful beach, I prayed, “May God grace me yet again with the opportunity to correct my mistakes and begin again.” Then I enjoyed a walk down the beautiful beach.  I was already in heaven….

Beach Selfie

Beach Selfie

Peace

Good morning! My friends who have dragged me along as their third wheel are playing golf this morning. This leaves me with a precious morning of privacy.

I’ll write more about the trip later. It’s been magical for me to return to a place that holds so many happy memories.

I will slowly be unlocking bits and pieces of my blog. I don’t like having it hidden. I like having people read and follow me. Just be patient and I’ll open it back up. Except maybe the juicy bits like my topless photo. We’ll see. No hurry.

The End is Near

Today is the last day of Maggie & Co.  I am wrapping things up, turning over projects to friends and generally tying up the loose ends as best I can.  Just in time for vacation.

I feel great.  OK, my mouth is a little sore from my dentist installing a crown yesterday.  I love my new dentist, as much as one can love an inflicter of pain.  She told me I was a queen and she was just giving me the crown I deserved.  Then she and her staff made sure I was comfy, pain-free, played the music I wanted and generally nurtured me into submission.

I had lunch with Robin this week.  She is well.  We are planning for her to visit me when I move in the Fall.  It was a happy get together.  She agreed that I am so fortunate to be handed this opportunity to hit the Reset button.

My Son broke up with his girlfriend.  I’m relived about that.  She wasn’t the One for him.  Sorry, but she wasn’t.  He feels bad about it, but also relieved.  I think breaking up with someone when you are literally halfway around the world provides some guilt.

I wonder about how this new job will work out.  I’m excited for it.  It seems to have a great culture.  I’ve been reading a couple of books that tackle the issues I will be confronting with these folks.  It’s fascinating and I’m full of ideas.  I know, I know, I have to sit back, watch, observe and learn more about these folks before I jump in with my ideas.  I’ll be patient.  I promise.

I told the Hunter that my plan for at least the next two years is simple:  WORK, Exercise, Rest.  That’s it.  My BFF loved this — very simple.  But it’s true.  I want to work both with the new company and any side hustle I create, so I can pay off all my debt and be financially stable.  I want to exercise because I am perilously close to my all-time high on the scale.  So disappointing.  I’ll write more about the food issues.  Rest because everybody needs to recharge.  Rest may include some play, but rest to recharge both mind and body.

So the end of Maggie & Co as we know it is upon me.  It will still be around because I need the corporate entity for the side hustles, but not the way I envisioned it.  That’s OK, I am much happier with my future.

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Photo by Mohamed Nohassi on Unsplash

 

 

 

Cleaning Out My Closet

This weekend I was cleaning out my office and going through boxes of photos & crap in an effort to get rid of more stuff.

Mission accomplished. One huge bag of shredded papers and junk tossed. Lots of paper recycled, a box of books donated, 3 boxes mailed to Taz (one was her wedding dress), etc., etc. It was a long, vastly productive weekend.

The first day was a bit slow as I went through boxes of photo albums and I came across boxes of old letters both from my mom’s stuff and my stuff. My mom’s correspondence was interesting. Letters from my dad (post-divorce), my grandparents (both sides), my mom’s sister and more.

At the beginning, when my parents separated and my mom moved 3 hours away to go back to school, my dad wrote a couple of nice, warm letters to her. He missed his kids. Then something must have happened and the tone shifted.

My mom always thought he had been having an affair with my stepmom. Maybe. Later on my stepmom wrote some nasty letters to my mom calling her a slut & accusing her of keeping us kids for the child support money.

My grandparents sent letters about me being unhappy, personal loans that needed to be repaid to them.

I came across one lovely letter from my brother raking me across the coals for not sending my dad a birthday card. I was 13, he was 17. Mind you this is now the brother that has nothing to do with any family member.

It was boxes of evidence of the dysfunctional family I grew up with. Then I found 4 shoe boxes full of letters from friends and family to me.

One poignant letter stood out. It was a draft that I never mailed to a boyfriend. I had picked up and bolted across the country after my first year of college to rejoin my mom and awful stepdad. They had encouraged me to do this. My letter was about what an awful mistake I had made. My stepdad was drunk, nothing was they had represented. I was struggling to figure out my options including joining the military. I had burnt my bridge with my dad so returning wasn’t an option.

I stopped reading the letters. I don’t have the emotional capacity or time for them right now. I want to read them though because they contain information I have long forgotten.

My dad is sending me two more boxes of such memories including my long lost yearbooks and diaries. Oh boy, there is gonna be some interesting stuff there.

For now, I am putting it all aside. The past is the past. I want to focus on the future.

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Photo by Joanna Kosinska on Unsplash

The Tax Man Cometh

I called the IRS this week so I can begin the process of paying my back taxes.  I had tried registering on the on-line system, but it didn’t want anything to do with me.

After waiting on hold for one hours.  Yes, one hour during which I took a shower, dried my hair, shredded some papers, cleaned out some files and other mundane tasks.  I finally got a real live person on the phone. Mr. L with a badge number.  Very official.

The reason I couldn’t do the online is that the IRS doesn’t have a record of my 2018 tax return.  He wasn’t surprised by that because April 15th had only recently passed and they were still loading returns into the system.  Then he said that they don’t have my 2017 return.  Hang on, Mr. L.  I sent that via my accountant as an e-return on time.  Nope, we don’t have it.  Uh oh.

I proceeded with politeness and asked him what I needed to do.  Do I have a fax machine?  No.  Do I have access to one where I could fax the return while on the phone with the IRS?  Um, not nearby, I would have to call back.  Mr. L says I could mail the missing returns in or fax them.  I ask for the address because I figure mailing may be easier for me.  I also get a more direct line than the phone tree labyrinth I successfully navigated.  I knew I couldn’t accomplish that a second time.

Now I have a record with the IRS.  They have opened a file on me.  They have notes in the system stating that I have promised to call back by such and such date with either an update or I’ll be standing beside a fax machine.

I called my accountant whose reaction was, “WTF”.  I had to swing by his office today to sign some stuff so he can sign and we can send the duplicate returns to the address provided.  I’m waiting for the tracking info so I can call back and sit on hold for another hour.

Now here’s the interesting part for me:  I feel no anxiety, no despair, panic or any negative emotion about this.  I just feel matter-of-fact about the need to get this fixed.  Much the same way I felt at the dentist.  Yeah, another same day task.

I went to a new dentist because the Hunter had bartered with the dentist and had a credit which covered a deep cleaning.  Yay!  With the X-rays, they found a nice size cavity on my molar and my other molar has a crack.  I knew about that crack and it’s grown since I last went to my Miami dentist.  I need a crown plus the cavity repair to the tune of $1,700 and I have no dental insurance.

I ask if we can wait until my dental insurance kicks in.  It would be 6-7 months before I would get coverage for major dental work.  I’ve already waited three years, but something told me to wait no longer.  That molar crack is now on both sides of my tooth.  If it breaks, I lose the tooth and am faced with an implant.  Ugh.

So I’m scheduled for a crown.  I really hate the dentist, but I sat there like a trooper and just endured.  My hygienist was a charming man who coaxed me through the cleaning like a champ.  I’ll be fine.  I gotta get it done –just like the taxes.  Wow, I’m being a real adult these days — that’s a new one!

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Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

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