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Archive for the ‘Life in General’ Category

Vacation Thoughts

Here I sit in bed on vacation. Is it a vacation? I could say perhaps no — merely a round of visits to family. I had a migraine today that left me a bit under the weather for the most part. I did rally for lunch & a bit of shopping that left me wiped out. I got some excedrine migraine which is truly a miracle drug and now I feel much better but due to the high amounts of caffeine unable to sleep.

I’m restless. I feel like I’m not getting the vacation I wanted. I envisioned walks in the woods communing with nature, writing in my journal/blog, thinking of my life (personal & professional), planning, reading – just days of quiet reflective time. It ain’t happening.

My parents are great and thrilled to have me visit. I am having a lovely time with them, but it’s not what I envisioned. It’s OK. I’ll have some alone time soon when the Hunter takes off to his hunting lease for 10-14 days.

I should have packed my vibrator. Both my parents are hard of hearing…

I haven’t disconnected from work as much as I wanted, but that’s OK to a certain extent. I haven’t turned off my phone or my social media. Not so good.

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Now, five days later, here I sit at a rest stop as I finish my drive to home and I realize that my vacation was a great success. I listened to three great books on tape as I drove, read one book and most importantly perhaps I reconnected with the members of my family that I love the most.

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When I returned home last night, the Hunter greeted me with a very clean house, a lovely dinner and then he fucked me really good twice.  What a great way to come home.

I had thought the month of September was a big loss due to interruptions from Hurricane Irma and Labor Day, but I was wrong. It was actually a great success because I was able to spend time with Taz, my parents, and my son. What more can I ask? It was great quality time too and I have nothing but love in my heart for all of them. It was great to reconnect with all of them. I am a very, very lucky woman and I was blessed to be able to have this time and freedom to go visit with everybody. The Hunter has been nothing but supportive of these visits and I’ll have more quiet time when he heads up to his hunting lease in two weeks. All is well.

It was a great vacation after all and I’m ready to get back to work this week.

 

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Taz Reunion

I really needed last weekend in the Big Apple with Taz.  Our agenda:  nothing.  We hit the Highline because I hadn’t seen it, we had mani/pedis, we ate great food, we drank a lot of champagne, we watched movies and we talked — a lot.  It was delightful.

Her new place is great and has a wonderful rooftop terrace that overlooks the Empire State Building.  I was comfy and cozy.  Her Hubby was out-of-town having a guys weekend with an old friend, so we had the place to ourselves.

Taz has settled down.  The insanity of 2016 with the wedding, interviews for residency, graduation, moving and the million other things are behind her.  Now it is the insane daily grind of a high-profile residency program, but she is learning how to manage it.  Her temper is cooler, her voice of reason has reappeared and we spent the entire weekend without her snapping at me once.  I think that is a first in about 4 years.

She is also becoming a very wise, insightful woman.  She told me of the plans she and Hubby are making for their life.  They share all their hopes and dreams with one another, fully support the career and other goals of each other — it is a wonderful relationship.  They are both very blessed to have found each other.  I am so incredibly happy for them.

Taz also touched my tender heart.  She told me that she appreciates how much I have sacrificed for others over the years.  She gets it and she thanked me.  She also understands why I adore the Hunter.  Taz explained, “when you told me he grocery shops and cooks for you, I totally understood the attraction.  You finally have someone who wants to take care of you.  I am so happy for you.”

We also laughed about one of her insights.  Our attachments to certain things.  I told the story of my meltdown over my shoe graveyard one Sunday.  She completely understood.  We have a quirky attachment to our stuff.  We don’t want others to break it or damage it because that just pisses us off immensely.  She had an example of a crystal vase that had been in the family for forever (I got stuck with a bunch of crystal vases over the years so I have no idea if it was a wedding gift of mine, my mom’s or MIL).  Anyway, Hubby broke it by accident.  She got pissed.  Really pissed.  He didn’t quite understand her anger.  We commiserated that a fucking photo doesn’t do justice to the item.  We want to hold it, see it.  We talked about how my move from my adorable townhouse to my new locale was a big sacrifice in some ways for me.  How I need to get back to having an adorable place that I love.  It does feed my soul.

Anyway, it was fabulous.  I gotta run because I’m packing for my road trip and leave tomorrow.  I’ll write some more while I’m away….I think…..

I Definitely Need a Break

Last night I couldn’t sleep. I needed to sleep because I was up before dawn to catch my flight.  I laid in bed listening to the Hunter’s deep, relaxed breathing.  He was sleeping that great rest that comes from a day of hard, honest work.

I, on the otherhand, laid in bed with my eyes wide open in the dark. I thought about my taxes – they aren’t done.  Not only do I need to do them, but I have to come up with the $$ to pay my awesome accountant AND to pay the taxman.  He cometh whether I’m ready or not.  My plans to tuck money aside fell by the wayside as I scramble to pay my day-2-day expenses.  Then my anxiety creept to other money issues, my need to push business development and thoughts of success versus failure. Then I got anxious about getting from the airport to Taz’s apartment.  That’s when I thought, “WTF, I love to travel and that should be a cinch”.  Then I realized that my anxiety may be more of a problem than I thought.

I need to do some research and reading on anxiety.  

I have been thinking about success and failure quite a bit lately.  I run amongst a crowd of very successful people.  They have multiple investments/side hustles that generate additional income.  Multiple homes, expensive cars, amazing trips — all the trappings of success.  I live in a house I rent and dislike, have no savings to think of and a modest 6-figure retirement fund as my major asset.  My dad and stepmother are very comfortable, her sisters all have comfortable retirements,  but somehow I feel like I fucked up.  Like I missed opportunities, never realized my potential during the critical years.  

I was always an underachiever in school.  I made A’s and B’s with little effort throughout school.  When I hit college, I realized I never learned the art of studying, but I cruised through college in liberal arts and graduated with little drama.  

I read books on what makes people successful.  It’s structure and self-discipline.  I have officed next to highly successful people and watched them first-hand.  They are structured, delegate, network unbelievably, perhaps a bit more ruthless than me, but not that much smarter.  They are selfish with their time and don’t waste it. I don’t do that.  

I am thinking perhaps a business loan will give me sone breathing room.  I have no idea if I can even get one since I have no assets to secure it.  My Ex had Lines of Credit for his law firm.  I just know that this aniexty will be the death of me.  I cannot let it get the better of me.  It can hurt me in so many ways: physically, emotionally, my relationships with others, the list is endless

But this weekend is all about my mental health. I wrote the above on the plane.  Then I successfully and effortlessly navigated the airport, train & Lyft to Taz’s apartment.  I strolled through a lovely park, chatted with the Hunter while watching dogs frolic and then grabbed a sandwich & chilled on the rooftop terrace of Taz’s building.  I’m relaxed.  Now pour me a delicious adult beverage.

Stinkin’ Thinkin’

I talked to Robin, my colleague, today and she said what I have been thinking all week. September is gone — a complete waste.  Between Labor Day, 2 weeks of Irmageddon and my pending vacation, the month is over.  It has created quite a bit of anxiety for me and a bunch of negative thoughts.  I have to get my taxes done and money brings up a tsunami of anxiety for me.  I just have to remember to take small bites of the elephant.  The Hurricane has given me an extension, but I probably will still have to pay taxes and I have no idea how I am going to handle that.  I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.

I am taking steps to alleviate the anxiety.

  • Retail therapy:  I went clothes shopping yesterday and spent $$ I really don’t have on clothes and shoes that really made me happy.  This isn’t always the best solution, but I felt great afterwards and still felt good about it today as I sorted my new stuff to decide what to take on my trip tomorrow.
  • Book Club:  the ladies decided last minute that they would descend upon me since it was my turn to host the monthly meeting.  I had less than 24 hours to prepare and when you add in my 4 hours of retail therapy, I was under the gun to have a quasi-clean house, food and wine.  I pulled it off and ended up enjoying the evening.  I was a bit frazzled at the beginning, but with a glass of wine and interesting conversation, I calmed down quickly.
  • Planning:  I spent a lot of time contacting old, new and current clients to see if they needed any help after the storm.  I fixed by CRM to move all my tasks to new dates so that I don’t have to see all the Overdue ones.  I’ve been thinking about the steps I need to take for the remaining three months of 2017 to insure that 2018 will be extremely successful.

I need to get myself on some strong routines.  Routines are one of the things that separate extremely successful people from the rest of the pack.  I need to focus on self-discipline.  Once again, a trait of very successful people.  And patience.  That important quality that is in such short supply with me.  That and money.  Money is in short supply, so I better get back to work and hustle up some new clients.  Sigh.

Irmageddon Part 2

brickell irmaIt is surreal to see a street you had just walked down the previous week suddenly become a rushing river of storm surge.  The landscape of my familiar world has been devastated by the storm, but we were lucky.  Incredibly lucky.  Irma didn’t hit us directly but veered off to the west, so South Florida was sideswiped.  It’s just that a hurricane’s sideswipe results in millions without power, debris everywhere and daily lives completely off track.

The great news is that the Hunter and I came through the storm with flying colors.  Our little suburban area didn’t lose power or internet.  We stayed at tropical storm winds throughout and damage was minimal.  We were among the luckiest in South Florida.  My work schedule will be very light for now because of gas and power shortages coupled with nobody working generally.  The Hunter is out early and should be very busy for the next month or so if things line up for him.

I am suffering from cabin fever and my mind is gravitating to what I call stinkin’ thinkin’.  I am fighting the cabin fever, yet here I sit in a quiet house with just the dogs feeling a bit non-essential.  Yes, I have to sadly admit I have a bit of FOMO.  Tomorrow I will head into Miami to check on some clients and that should help.  I also told myself this morning to use this week to work on some database activities and things that will help me in the long run but don’t require outside interaction.  I have also reached out to a bunch of folks asking if they need help or supplies.

I shouldn’t complain.  Taz called me last night and invited me to the Big Apple for the weekend to escape all the mayhem.  I’m checking airlines today.  Getting out should be easy, getting back will be interesting.  I was scheduled to spend a week with my parents enjoying the Fall colors at the end of the month.  I will keep to that plan, however, I may opt to fly instead of drive due to the gas shortages everywhere.

Yesterday we went out in search of a hot meal before curfew because I was desperate to get out, but the lines were too long and the restaurants were running out of food. I was thrilled to be driving around just a little.  We came home and I made a sandwich instead, but my cabin fever subsided.  The Hunter fucked me pretty good and that helped me sleep.  We’ve had his son, Nino, here for the storm and he just headed back today.  He lives with his grandfather and caretaker.  His grandfather evacuated with the Hunter’s sister to a safe hotel nearby.

Life will get back on track.  I need to stay focused.  Now, let me find a cheap flight to NYC and embrace the quiet that has finally returned to my little oasis…

 

Irmageddon Part 1

This will probably be the first of many posts about Irma.  That bitch is hellbent on destroying my hometown for the past 30+ years.  She is very dangerous.  There are so many newbies to SFLA that they have no idea what Irma is really like, however, people are preparing.

My FB feed is exploding.  People evacuating, people staying, everyone panicky and no supplies to be found.  The Hunter and I gassed up at 4:30 am on Tuesday.  We were one of the last customers at a station that dispensed 9,000 gallons since 7:00 pm the night before.

We have a sturdy bunker of a house in an area that is inland enough to be out of all evacuation zones.  The roof was replaced in 2005, so it’s as good as it gets.  The windows are impact-resistant and the house is a low ranch facing south-southeast — one of the best profiles for the wind.  The Hunter is getting the outdoors ready while I do things like…pack up important papers, write, deal with a dreadful migraine that left me vomiting this morning, monitor friends and family thru FB, etc.  In other words, I am trying to deny the existence of a hellish weekend.

My adorable son-in-law from the Northeast can’t fathom why we don’t evacuate.  I calmly explain that it’s not an option.  Florida has tens of thousands of tourists from the Keys, cruise ships, attractions who all need to get the heck out of the way.  The highways are packed with no gas at the exits.  We also have elderly, special needs and kidlet folks who shouldn’t be here before, during or for the aftermath, so let them get outside of the Zone.

Our building code is designed for people to shelter in place.  We need to trust it, although, a Cat 5 wasn’t part of the plan.  If we can keep the roof intact, we’ll be OK.  To that end, all doors will be kept shut during the storm to keep the pressure compartmentalized, so if one section goes, we can hopefully slow or prevent other roof sections from going.  Yes, that’s the type of thing we are discussing on FB.  It worked for me in Andrew and it worked for others in other hurricanes.

In the meantime life goes on for others.  I see on FB that a work colleague lost his father on Tuesday.  Another whose husband has been so very ill for the past two months and was just re-hospitalized.  His prognosis is grim.  Another friend’s dog passed away yesterday.  I have friends with wee babies, others with pregnant daughters and wives (who have been sent far away).  My life is simple now, so it’s easier to cope with the preparations.

Pray for the folks of SFLA.  The poor folks don’t have the financial means to stockpile food and water for a week. The rich folks are dealing with full-house generators that suddenly decided to go on strike at the moment of true crisis.  Lots of friends are figuring out what the heck to do with their boats.  It’s crazy right now, but I just keep reminding myself to eat this elephant one bite at a time.

See you on the other side, Maggie

 

 

 

Waiting for Irma

It is too soon to say if Irma is going to hit us directly.  The entire Sunshine State is under a state of emergency.  We have a week of crazy prep ahead of us.  Already the stores are running out of water and other supplies.  The gas stations are packed.  The drumbeat of anticipation is relentless.

The Hunter and I grabbed a few things to beef up our usual camping supplies, but we are waiting until mid week for the rest.

I am concerned.  Not about the storm, but the aftermath. Houston has unbelievable damage -estimated 500,000 cars damaged, plus we are all facing nationally rising prices on construction materials as demand soars.  Now we are facing another catastrophic event.  I don’t know if our country can handle it. I don’t know how my business will handle the disruption.

I don’t care too much about our stuff.  I’m insured and I would be happy to cancel the lease due to damage.  It’s the stress, the hard work, the heat,  living without electricity for days and weeks — I’ve earned that merit badge several times.  I know what’s ahead. Ugh.  

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