"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Archive for the ‘Friendship’ Category

Kindness

The Hunter can be a very kind man. This weekend, he was leaving his apartment to come spend the night with me. As he left, one of his neighbors dropped her grocery bag on the stairs and shattered her 6-pack of beer. She almost burst into tears. She is a foreign medical student and had just finished a grueling week. The beer was her special treat for an evening of Netflix and unwinding.

Another guy stepped out of his apartment and made a comment about her choice of beer causing the destruction of every bottle. The Hunter responded with a joke about how would he feel if he got pulled by a cop and forced to dump his weed. That cracked everyone up (they are all much younger than the Hunter).

The Hunter didn’t leave it there. He pulled out a hose and a broom to help his neighbor clean up her mess. The other guy fled when he saw there was work to be done. Once it was all cleaned up, he turned to her. “Want a little bud?” He asked.

He made her a joint and went on his way. She was gratefully thrilled. Her evening was not a total loss.

This is a classic example of how kind the Hunter can be. How many people would go out of their way for a stranger?

Then he came to see me and was quite randy. We had a fun evening of romping. He got up at 4 am and left with the Kracken to go hunting. He is a kind man.

I Survived Thanksgiving

On the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, my plans for the holiday completely changed. Instead of having dinner with the Hunter’s extended family (a gathering estimated at around 60), I hosted an intimate late lunch/early dinner for me, the Hunter and my BFF.

I was thrilled to host. I have come to realize that I really do enjoy hosting a small gathering. I need to do this more often.

I quickly figured out a traditional menu including gluten-free options for my BFF. I grabbed a fresh turkey so I didn’t have to fool around with defrosting.

But first I spent a wonderful Wednesday with my son. I showed off my new apartment, showed him the community and we enjoyed a leisurely lunch at a waterfront restaurant. We sorted the Christmas ornaments so I can send some to Taz. It was a lovely day of pure quality time with him.

Thanksgiving dawned with my apartment full of Christmas boxes. “What the heck?” I thought, so for the first time ever, I had Christmas decor up for Thanksgiving. Why put it all away to simply pull it back out next weekend? I enjoyed the Macy’s parade while I got everything ready.

My BFF showed up earlier than I thought, so I didn’t have a chance to get gussied up. That just saved me time. I pulled out a nice bottle of champagne someone had given me and we polished it off before the Hunter arrived. She loved my new apartment and its amenities. She marveled at how organized I have everything. I was quite pleased!

Dinner was lovely and went off without a hitch. I sent my BFF home with a goody bag of leftovers. I had a great FaceTime chat with Taz who was also hosting a small gathering. The day wiped me out, so I was in bed early. The Hunter spent the night because we were going camping for the weekend. We laughed that we were crawling into bed about the time dinner was being served at his family’s dinner. We had no regrets on skipping it.

Camping was great. Right now I am trying to ignore my mosquito bites. No matter how much repellent I use, they still find unprotected tender spots. My fingers (?!), inner thighs and butt are the popular spots this trip. Damn mosquitoes ambushed me in the composting toilet.

We took a long bike ride which wore out the Kracken. We took sunrise and sunset hikes. A raccoon snuck into camp the first night to snack on the Kracken’s dog food. I spooked it when I headed over to the composting toilet for another round of skeeter bites. Then apparently coyotes ran thru the camp howling during the night. I slept thru it, so a I wonder how close they actually were. I heard them the next night but they were far away.

I returned to my sanctuary (a.k.a. apartment) before noon and I was tuckered out. I got my laundry done and that’s about it. Turkey stew and creative leftover ideas will wait until tomorrow.

This was a good way to spend the holiday. It kept me away from the stores or even thinking about them. I spent it with loved ones and I got my turkey with all the fixings. Next up – Christmas.

Cranking up the Social Life

Making friends as an adult seems to get harder as the years go by. I have written about this before. Anyway, this week I made concerted efforts. I went to a Meetup group of lovely professional women and followed up with those I met. I invited one new Meetup person, plus four ladies from work to join me at a free concert. No takers, so I went by myself because I’ll be damned if I will sit at home.

The weekend ended up pleasantly busy. I had shopping to do, an apartment to be cleaned, food prep to be done. Plus I enjoyed two lovely morning walks. One involved a Farmers Market. I was definitely busy.

I think what caused some melancholy is when I went through my phone contacts to dig out addresses to send “change of address” cards. There was so much crap. The vast majority where business-related from my former life, acquaintances from the married life and very little substance. I only have a dozen or so family and friends that merit a card.

I have told myself to be patient. Making friends is much like dating. I have to get myself out there with the right groups of people. I can’t expect immediate results. I appear to be one of the older residents at my apartment complex. I’m actually fine with that. I just have to continue to do activities I enjoy and friends will follow….I think. I am lucky because I am fine with flying solo at most activities, so I won’t sit at home if I don’t want to. I am not asking for much – just 2-3 new friends. Wish me luck!

He Found a Home

We are breathing a sigh of relief around here. The Hunter found the perfect apartment for him and the Kracken. Ground floor overlooking a lake with a screened patio and screen door. He’s excited about it. The lease is signed and he can start moving in this week. Whew! I must say I was getting a bit worried.

He had a banner day today. His consulting project is going gang busters with the potential of adding services for another division. They are thrilled with his work.

We talked about how things are unwinding between us. We don’t know how things will go, but the Hunter wants us to always be the best of friends. I like that. I like knowing that we will always have each other’s back. It is comforting. However, there are limits. He rolled his eyes and groaned when I batted my eyes and asked for help assembling my new Ikea dresser. LOL

He is thinking about furnishings for his new place. We are divvying up some things here. I may still end up having a damn garage sale. For now, it is time to be grateful that the Hunter has found a home.

Family, Recharge, Nature

I spent Memorial Day weekend at the beachside town I have been visiting with my family for over 28 years.  It was my first overnight visit in over 5 years.  My first post-divorce stay.

My Ex began coming back to this town about 1-2 years ago.  I was glad he did.  He has been visiting with his fiancee and our son.  It holds special memories for all of us.  To put it in perspective, this is where I have told my kids to sprinkle my ashes when I’m gone.

I was the third wheel with my girlfriend and her husband.  They had never vacationed here, so I was able to provide some tour guiding assistance.  I was careful not to be too pushy with my advice and let them suss out what they wanted to do.

I was so happy to drive up by myself.  I brought my bike and pedaled around a couple of times.  We hit some of my favorite spots for dinner, but not all of them.  They are low-key, so we didn’t hit the busy places or the bars.  I would have enjoyed an evening of live music and drinks, but that didn’t happen.

The weather was perfect.  Our beach house was ideal for the three of us and their dog.  I spent my days walking, biking — busy and I felt really good the entire trip.

This place brings back happy memories.  My Ex and I rarely fought here.  It was a place of peace.  As my blog title explains, this place has always been about Family, Recharging and Nature — the beach is breathtaking.  My drive up and back was relaxing.  I stopped at a waterfront restaurant and enjoyed an amazing view and a delicious meal.  My friends were chill and fun.  My room was cozy.

I spent a weekend completely at peace.  The Hunter fucked me silly before I left.  I wish I had taken my vibe, but that’s OK.  The walls might be a little too thin for that.  LOL.

The weekend was the perfect buffer between ending Maggie & Co. and starting my new job.  I had a full day at home to shop and cook before starting my new job.  I felt fully prepared and eager to get going.

As I sat on the beautiful beach, I prayed, “May God grace me yet again with the opportunity to correct my mistakes and begin again.” Then I enjoyed a walk down the beautiful beach.  I was already in heaven….

Beach Selfie

Beach Selfie

He Said It First

He said it first.  The Hunter called me yesterday and said we needed to talk.  I agreed.  He doesn’t want to move when the time comes.  We agreed our relationship has run its course, but we don’t want to be angry or bitter.  We still care about each other.

He asked that we hold all of this for a face-to-face conversation, but he’s relieved that we are both approaching this like adults.  Me too.

We had a brief chat before I had to head out to some appointments.  He had two concerns:

  1. Was there someone else in my life?  Of course the answer is an emphatic No. 
  2. He needs time to get his shit together so he can figure out his living situation.  We talked about the timing and he was relieved that he had almost six months.

It was a low-key, friendly conversation.  I had to leave because I had a busy afternoon out and about, so I got home late.  We didn’t have much of a chance to talk last night.

This morning we fucked and went to breakfast.  Funny, right?  OK, OK, I know the sex is suppose to stop after a relationship is ending, but right now he’s not using it to keep me around.  He just wants to fuck.  Afterwards he sighed and said, “How can we get along so well but don’t want to be together?”  We both chuckled.  We both agreed that living apart would be best and that we would see where things would go with the relationship, but our friendship would continue.

When we first moved in together, we had agreed that we were adults and we would live together until we didn’t want to.  That time has come.  Now it will be interesting to see how things morph and shift during the next six months.  Will he be able to stand on his own two feet?  I hope so, because I will be withdrawing my safety net during this time.

This is just one more piece of my life that is getting sorted out as it should.  It’s a no stress, low drama ending to a relationship that has run its course.  My stars are aligning.  This is my time.  My second chance — now let me take full advantage of it and not blow it!

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Photo by Harli Marten on Unsplash

Over 400

Wow, this is Blog Post 402 or something like that — 400 blog posts.  What an accomplishment!  Congratulations to me!

As I read back through some of them, I was searching for some answers, some patterns and just exploring what has been on my mind since I started writing.  Here are some of the themes that have emerged:

  • Between work, the place I was renting and money struggles, I have been under a great deal of stress.
  • That all leads to the fact that I haven’t been very happy.
  • I’m not doing that much these days — work, write, read.  I don’t have many friends that I spend time with.
  • Income instability has reached a peak, but I hope to change that soon.
  • This blog started out about my sexual awakening and it woke up, that’s for sure, however, my “dating maturity” was that of a teenager.  Live and learn, live and learn.  I have done that as well.

Anyway, back to this wonderful blog.  It gives me great joy.  Joy to write down my thoughts and feelings in a safe place.  Joy to meet the wonderful people who comment and whose blogs I follow.  Joy to feel creative.  Thank you all.

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Flying Solo

Over the weekend I found myself sitting at the bar of a chain restaurant drinking wine and getting a good buzz before I headed over to see The Favourite.

By the way, darkly wickedly funny movie.  Not exactly what I was expecting, but I enjoyed it.

While I was drinking wine, I found myself surrounded by ladies heading over to see a concert.  I had a great time.  The Hunter was in the woods with a buddy.

I took a deep breath and felt…. good. Comfortable. OK with flying solo. I chatted with the ladies in the seat next to me and then they headed out.  The next two ladies sat with their back to me gabbing away.   That’s OK,  it’s their girls night out and they aren’t sitting there to entertain me. I get it.

I enjoyed the bustle of a busy restaurant and bar. I was tucked in a corner where I can see everything.  It is a well run, very busy restaurant.  I have the cute lesbian couple over there – a Spring/Winter couple. Then we have the two friends from work. We laughed about what I called the “creeper” drink. One with a smooth taste that disguises the alcohol.

I got a nice buzz but that was fine because I had a movie to watch so I was fine when it came time to drive home. The evening ended up being incredibly cheap.  I had a Happy Hour special for food and wine.  I added a salad to my tab, but it took so long to come out, that the bartender took it off my tab.  Yes, I tipped on the real total.  The movie attendant insisted on selling me a senior ticket. Rather than be indignant, i I went for pragmatic and took the discounted ticket.

Being solo doesn’t mean being alone. I had the space to see things, observe and relax. No demands, no pressure. It was a really nice evening, but I missed having a girlfriend to chatter with.  More on that in my next post…..

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Photo by Julia Kouzenkov on Unsplash

Boom & He’s Gone

The Hunter lost a childhood friend this week.  This guy was a high school buddy, hunting partner and more.  They were close.  The Hunter got him his last job which fortunately had fantastic health benefits.  The benefits came in handy when he was diagnosed with cancer.

The Hunter had visited his friend several times and brought him joints to ease his pain.  They talked about old times.  His friend did not want to suffer.  The pain was intense. The pot helped.

Then he couldn’t take it any longer.  The pain intensified.  The hospice doctor stopped by to give him morphine.  He didn’t want the morphine.  Instead he refused it, sent everyone packing out of his room.  Then, with the doctor in the living room, he shot himself.  He knew how and effectively ended his pain with a bullet.

The Hunter and I talked about how his friend must have planned this.  He waited until he had a medical professional in the house.  He refused the morphine so he was lucid. The Hunter thinks he must have coaxed his adult son into giving him the loaded weapon days before.  We both think it took courage to do what he did.

Me, I would have hoarded pills.  I couldn’t shoot myself.  Taz tells me of the botched suicides she sees in the ER.  I would botch it for sure.

The wife called The Hunter.  “You are in almost every picture of his teenage years. I never realized how really close the two of you were.”  She was never much of a fan of the Hunters, but now he is the voice of calm gentleness that she needs.  The Hunter will be taking all the guns out of  their house soon so they will be secure.  It’s been a sad week for the family and the Hunter.  My heart goes out to them all. R.I.P. dear friend.  You will be missed.

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Photo by Sebastian Pociecha on Unsplash

Vision Board

I mentioned to the Hunter about my 2019 goal-setting ideas and before I could dive headlong into the topic, he asked, “Are you having your Vision Board Party?”

I came to a full stop.  Hmm, that’s a great idea.  I hadn’t really thought about it.  My Vision Board parties were a blast.  I had three over the past four years.  I let it peter out when I moved farther away from my close girlfriends, but now I’m closer so maybe it would work.  I only need 3-4 GF’s to show up to make it fun, so it’s an easy get-together to host.

Plus having a Vision Board party fits into virtually every category of my Enrichment project for 2019.  How?

  • In the area of Home, I want to get my home more livable with a new sofa and whatnot.  This would push my nesting goals into high gear for the month of January with a series of mini-projects to get party-ready.
  • In the area of friendships/relationships, I can invite my old friends whether they want to schlep over here or not plus I can invite more geographically-desirable acquaintances to the party and see how that works out.
  • In the areas of Work, Money & Health — well, a Vision Board is all about putting it in front of mind, so I’ll make sure I cover all the areas of my Enrichment Project on my actual Vision Board.

So Vision Board Party, here I come!  I will cast aside all doubts of my place not being perfect and welcome love and friendship to fill that space.  Now, I need to check dates because I’m thinking the last Sunday of January unless that’s the Super Bowl….

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Photo by Andy Art on Unsplash

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