I had a surprise visit from my BFF. She had a job interview in my neck of the woods, so we grabbed a last minute drink.
She insisted on a particular spot — a high-end restaurant she recalled from several years ago. As we chatted, it began filling with regulars and the bartenders catered to those. My BFF is back on the prowl for a rich man, but this spot was too old and all couples.
Our conversation was interesting in retrospect. I was a bit put off by it and felt unsettled both during and afterwards. My defenses were up as my BFF launched an almost full assault on my current life and choices.
She inquired about my goals, any career growth plans, what growth potential does my current job hold, etc. Then she segued into my relationship with the Hunter. Was I going to move back in with him eventually or break it off? Did I not think I could find a man who would take care of me financially and that I would want to live with? She had no contentment with my status quo.
This conversation was all done in a seemingly loving friendly way designed to push me forward. I left our get-together feeling unhappy and unsettled. The day had started with me dancing nekkid around my apartment and ended with me in a gloomy self-reflection. Oh, watching that Jeffrey Epstein special did not help.
As I sat back and thought about it, I realized some very key points:
- All this push for me to achieve is really about my BFF’s perception and definition of success. She wants to earn $1 million and she is perfectly capable of it. I don’t. Just hand me a winning lottery ticket instead.
- She ties happiness to money. I no longer believe that lots of money equals happiness. I believe that a stress-free work environment and a simple lifestyle frees me to be happy,
- She is still struggling to come to terms with her early workaholic life choices that resulted in no marriage and no kids. She wanted both. She is still looking for a marriage to a rich guy who would take care of her. I get it. She has spent her entire adulthood being solely responsible for herself. However, I had the long marriage and kids plus I don’t need nor want a man to take care of me. I explained that I have zero desire to take care of anything — even a plant is a bit more of a commitment than I am willing to make.
I woke up the next morning and realized that this evening was about her, not me. She may have thought she was turning the spotlight on me, but it really wasn’t.
When she pushed me on my 2020 goals, I explained that I had no big reaches because I had made so many changes in 2019. 2020 is a coasting year for me. A year to sink into the reality of all my 2019 changes. Yes, I made a 20 for 2020 list, but there is nothing earth-shattering on it.
My doubts are gone. She is still looking to be the rock star. God bless her and I fervently hope she gets there. I am happy to be in the audience singing along and flicking my lighter.
Not all of us will be rock stars. The vast majority of us are not and that is perfectly OK. That may be my biggest lesson of 2019. You don’t have to be the lead singer. You don’t even have to be part of a successful band. You can be in the audience and just as happy with your life. It’s OK.
So I sit here in my simple apartment with the crockpot brewing my week’s meal prep. I spent the weekend scrubbing down my little abode, running errands, working on my taxes and bills. I went to a small art festival with another GF. Guess what — all of this makes me happy.
In my mind, I am a rock star. It’s just that my stage is smaller. That’s all that matters to me.