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Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

True Colors

I sent Taz and her hubby an Easter card.  Here’s what I wrote:

Oftentimes it is during times of struggle that we learn more about ourselves and our relationships.  It also peels back the layers and shows a person’s true self. The two of you are showing your bravery, love, humor and so much more.  Stay strong and know that you both are cushioned and surrounded by the strong love of your friends and family.

Their friends and family are rallying around them.  One of Taz’s BFF from high school works for a name brand spirits company.  She sent a serious care package of top shelf vodka.  Others have laid their hands on precious Clorox wipes and hand sanitizer which they have sent to Taz.

After listening to Taz talk about her decontamination protocol, I sent her 15 pounds of baby wipes.  I scored big at Target at 8:00 am this week.  I was allowed one package, so I chose the one with 750 wipes inside.  She uses a hospital disinfectant as she changes her scrubs, but she is wiping her face and other things with Neutrogena wipes because that is all she has at the moment.  That freaked me out which then caused the Target run because I feel like I have to do something.  I have offered hand sanitizer made by a local distiller because she can add it to a spray bottle to spray on the wipes.  She demurred saying that what I was sending was what they needed.

But the message I wrote to them applies to all of us.  How are we handling this crisis  shows our true self.  I am still trying to control and contribute, so I attack it with gifts and actions.  Thus far I have:

  • Sent oranges to Taz, my parents and my son
  • Bought and sent Taz disposable coveralls and safety glasses I found at Home Depot
  • The aforementioned 15 pounds of baby wipes for Taz
  • Bought the Hunter a rice cooker for Easter because he needs one
  • Bought my son an Instant Pot to perk him up for Easter.  He needs a little boost because he has been inside for so long.
  • Bought 6 cloth masks from three different sources – some for me, some for loved ones

The above is all my retail actions because I am an over-buyer, so if I can buy something to fix a problem, look out!  This doesn’t even include all my grocery shopping so I can huddle up at home, my DIY hand sanitizer for me and more.  For morale support, I am

  • Talking to friends and family at least every other day.
  • Helped my dad register for grocery curb side pick up and delivery with his local grocery store
  • Discussed financial options with my son on various scenarios he will be facing.
  • Talked to the Hunter about his business and his situation
  • Emailed cousins about their situation (including the ones who just lost my uncle).

One pending action item is to donate blood.  The US is having a blood shortage, so I will be heading to my local organization to donate blood.  It will be for Taz and all the other healthcare workers out on the front line.  I plan to continue donating throughout this shit show and perhaps longer.  I just heard an NPR story about a 90-something woman who donated 20 GALLONS over her life time.  She finally stopped in her 80’s because the blood bank convinced her she had done enough.  Now that is a worthy contribution.

True colors, my Dear Readers.  We are having the moral, physical, psychological, relationship test of a lifetime.  All of us will have low moments, but who will have a shining moment?  Will all of us do what we can to help?  Will we quarantine and be bored out of skulls to save the greater good?  Will we be supportive of loved ones and neighbors?  This is our test.  I am hoping for a better than passing grade. How about you?

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Maybe I Will, Maybe I Won’t

Some days I feel like my job is secure and then on other days I feel at risk.  This week I alternate those feelings daily.  I haven’t had much to do, so that gets my brain churning…I wrote this earlier this week, but today I feel like everything is fine.  Who knows?

Somehow I feel like I will soon be free.  Free of my job, free of responsibilities, free of ties to South Florida.  Will I embrace this radical change or will it terrify me?  The Hunter called me and said he thought of me first thing this morning.  Thought of me and the fact that I am probably going to lose my job.  I told him that I was at peace with it.  I can’t control it, so I am not worried.  I have enough saving and unemployment to make it to the end of the year without touching my retirement money (or what’s left of it).

My dad and my BFF are also in the “uh oh, you might be laid off”.  I get it because some days I think I am and some days I feel secure.  We should start a pool — everybody picks a day for when Maggie gets laid off.  LOL.  Just a little gallows humor, folks.  I would rather laugh about it because I am an ugly crier.

My Ex, on the other hand, is a hot mess.  I had asked my son how his Dad was doing.  We snickered and shuddered at the thought of if this pandemic had occurred when all four of us were still living under one roof.  My Ex cannot fathom that he is losing it all.  His office, his assistant, his clients, his business.  It is all going, going, soon-to-be-gone.  He wants to maintain what he always has had.  Uh, yeah — who doesn’t?  He is planning on getting married New Year’s Day (or Eve?) of 2021.  If his fiancee can handle him like this, she is either a saint or a sucker.  I would be completely insane.  He waivers between being worried about his own health (as well he should since he is a smoker with COPD) and the economic implications of this prolonged quarantine. Uh, duh, aren’t we all?  However, he frets and worries and snaps because he wants to control the situation and that is definitely not happening.

My Ex is also complaining about the high cost of my son’s graduate school program now that it is being offered only online. Of course he’s complaining because I know my Ex and he has virtually no emergency savings and a whole lot of debt.  That’s just how he rolls.

I talked to my son about his surfing of this pandemic tsunami.  I suggested that school was the best place to be and to keep his unpaid internship for as long as possible to continue to have some semblance of work experience. He should graduate mid-year 2021 I believe.

We had a candid conversation about finances. I told him that I was fine and would be fine.  I told him to take advantage of his student loan program because that would be a steady source of income.  Also, his school has been good with grant money, so I am sure if he asked, they would scrap up some more $$ for him.  I need to talk to him about that because his dad may have to back off his monthly payments.  I believe his dad is paying his rent and half his health insurance (roughly $1200/month).  I am sure my clever son has already thought of that.  He is a planner and a saver.  He will be fine, but it does warrant ongoing conversations.

As for me, I could soon be free and adrift.  What to do, what to do?  I think having choices will be good.  What won’t be good is this over-sized unemployment population and the area of my expertise will be hitting rock bottom at the same time.  I am thinking about taking my stimulus money and spending it on a professional certification.  That might help me in the job market.  On the other hand, maybe it is time for me to finally become the writer I have always dreamed about.

However, let me also pause and be incredibly grateful that I have a job.  A good, stable job with nice people.  Payday is Friday, so I am quite fortunate.  All this bravado about if I get laid off is just bravado.  Being in the job market today would be awful, let’s be serious.  I would have to struggle to keep everything I have worked so hard to reset.  So today I am very grateful for what I have.  Grateful indeed.

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Photo by Thanuj Mathew on Unsplash

Hope

Sometimes what we need is hope.  I have several events/things that are giving me hope these days. First is the GM Motors/Ventec alliance to manufacture tens of thousands of ventilators immediately. What an inspiring story of “get things done”.  If you haven’t read much about it, here is a great news article and an NPR podcast from one of the suppliers.

GM is a today’s hero. What amazed me is that they started the conversation with “What do you need?” and within 24 hours began working on the thorniest of the problems with boots on the ground in India.  Teams of engineers (both medical and auto) have huddled around the plans to figure out how to make these devices as rapidly as possible.  Devices with 700 parts.  If you want hope, then read about them here and listen to the podcast here.

One last noteworthy point: the CEO of GM is a woman.  Mary Barra.  I know she is the driving force behind this.  She has told her team to get it done, do it for cost and pay for whatever is needed up front.  Money is not a problem.  That’s how you make things happen:  enable your people, give them the resources they need and turn them loose to execute. I think my next car will have to be a GM.

What else is giving me hope? It is a personal, self-centered one, but I will still share it.  The company I work for is considered an essential business.  With the US faced with an unemployment fiasco of never-before-seen scope, my company will be one that will be instrumental in getting people back to work.  Think FDR New Deal infrastructure stuff.  That gives me hope that and isn’t that all any of us want these days?  Just a chance.

Say a prayer for Taz. She survived her first week on the COVID unit working the night shift, but three of her fellow residents already got COVID.  She told me one quick experience of working on a newly created COVID floor.  I won’t share.  You don’t need to hear it. One sweet story I will share is that the oranges I sent have been a big hit.  She savors one each night at 1:00 am on her brief break.  She says they are delicious and she looks forward to it each night.  This week she’ll be back to a day shift on her normal duties and then back to the COVID trenches.  Her hubby is hanging tough.  This confinement has been hard on him, but he is endlessly supportive of her.

I have hope and gratitude.  I wish all of you health and safety.

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Photo by Karl Fredrickson on Unsplash

Into the Abyss

Today started off great. I had a good mindset even though I still report to the office. I realized how blessed I am to have a job, caring coworkers and more. I realized that part of my mixed feelings includes guilt. My life is still pretty normal, especially when you compare it so many others. At the end of the day I got a text from Taz that dumped a bucket of ice cold water on my mood.

Earlier this week I found some full body coveralls with booties and a hood. Four mediums at a Lowes. A coworker’s brother had found masks at another so I had been looking for N95 masks, but found those and safety googles instead. I bought them all and sent Taz a text asking if ehe wanted them.

She sent a calm text that no she didn’t need them. She had her scrubs. We joked about my tendency to overbuy when anxious. Her overbuying is groceries. I was holding the coveralls with the thought of giving them to my apartment maintenance guys. Until today, two days later, I got Taz’s text. “No, I lied. Send them”. I immediately overnighted them.

I called my son-in-law thinking I wouldn’t be able to talk to her. She picked up the phone. I told her that the coveralls and my citrus shipment would arrive tomorrow and I would send her the tracking numbers. Then I asked the dreaded question – who are they for? They are for her.

They are putting the surgeons into the COVID units beginning tomorrow. They do not have the proper respiratory training to keep these patients alive. She insisted on training because she doesn’t want patients dying because her team hasn’t had training. They have promised to train them. She will now go into a hellish rotation that includes 24 hour call several days a week with several days in the COVID unit. She knows she will get COVID, and will transmit it to her husband.

I am terrified. Absolutely terrified. I am living a mundane normal life compared to the absolute shit show my daughter is living. I cannot imagine. I know the best way to support her is to stay strong. To love and support her no matter what. To tell her I love her. I sent her a quick note in the box telling her how proud I am and how much I love her. I want to do more, but I am at a loss.

I want to call every person I know and collect PPE for all the healthcare workers. Harbor Freight is donating all their masks to hospitals. I told Taz to have the hospital sign up. I know others are working on this too, but I want to do more to help.

My daughter is an incredibly responsible adult. She has a kind heart, great sense of humor and is beautiful inside and out. She is a highly trained surgeon who graduated at the top of her class since high school. She graduated from a top 5 med school and is in a top 5 residency for her specialty. She is amazing. She wants kids and they had planned to start trying this Spring. She has such an incredible future in front of her. She has spent almost a decade getting the training necessary to be at the top of her field.

Please, God, keep her safe through this. I pray to you with all my heart to keep her safe. Please Lord, keep her and those other healthcare workers safe. Their selfless sacrifice is the bravest thing I have seen. Please, Lord, hear my prayer. Amen.

Changes Every Day

Things continue to change around here as everyone is trying to adapt to our new alternate reality.

One development this week is that my trash valet service is suspended.  I live in an apartment complex that charges a small fee for a third-party service  to pick up garbage from your doorstep five nights a week.

I am not surprised this stopped.  It is not safe for those guys to be hauling off everyone’s trash.  People around here are slobs though, so I anticipate a mess.  Now my neighbors will have to dump their own trash.  They can’t even dump their recycling correctly, so this is going to be awful.  The property management is already WFH, so I doubt how much they will be keeping an eye on things.  Anyway, now I have to schlep my own trash.  No big deal, but timing will be key.  I need to figure out when trash is picked up so I can go immediately afterwards.

Walmart is keeping me healthy by not giving me any chocolate.  My Walmart pickup this week was chock full of healthy veggies and nary a chocolate.  It was also full of coffee, so no matter what I will be caffeinated to the max.

I managed to pick up the rest of my stuff at Publix. I have not been inside a grocery store for about 4-5 weeks.  What a shocker.  Empty shelves, everyone wearing a mask and gloves (except me).  People social distancing.  Cashiers insisting people step back.  Wow.  It was surreal.  I got all the staples I was missing, so now I am good for about 30-40 days at least.  If I plan it, I could probably go up to 2 months with only minor sacrifices.

I think about Taz all the time.  I am so worried for her.  She has a paper bag to carry her used N95 mask home from work.  That tells you a lot.  Please pray for her and all the healthcare workers.  I don’t pray much, but these days God is hearing a lot more from me because prayer equals hope and we all need some hope these days.

General observations:  Harvey Weinstein has COVID, as I am sure you all know.  I immediately thought of him when I heard it was at Rikers.  Now he is in a prison in upstate New York.  He is in poor health already and his money can’t help him now.  Rand Paul, what a selfish douche.  He is a frigging doctor, so he knew the risks.  He is so arrogant that he swam, went to the gym, used the dining area, had meetings all while waiting for his test results. What a selfish, self-centered jerk.

I am a bit worried about my son.  He is a bit of a hermit by nature, so loneliness might hit him unexpectedly.  I need to keep checking on him.  One roommate has returned home, but he still has another.  He has been hit with quite a few major changes with school going online, his fellowship evaporating, his internship fading.  He will be OK, but I know right now it probably feels pretty scary.  I sent him some fruit – LOL.  My answer to everything is to send a gift because there really isn’t anything else I can do.

I have a call this week with my company’s prepaid legal services so I can get my Will and Living Will/Health Directive started.  I am overdue about getting that done.  Nothing like a pandemic to get your affairs in order.

The neighbors below me, a lovely young couple, had a knockdown, blow-out fight tonight.  I thought I might have to call the cops.  Furniture was being moved around, yelling, doors slamming.  Wow.  Stress is getting to everyone.  It is calm now, but wow.  I think we will all see a lot more of that.

Time for bed.  I need to continue thinking about my schedule and habits.  Time to get back to some more structure.  This new normal is going to be awful as South Florida approaches our surge.  April and May are suppose to be a shit show for sunny SFLA.  I am planning on being home and inside for the most part.  I don’t need to be any part of any drama.

In the meantime, enjoy “Let It Be” by the Beatles.  The link goes not only to the song, but a great write up about it.  Here is a quick excerpt:

On the face of it, “Let It Be” is just a shatteringly gorgeous song, an extended contented sigh about getting through a shitty life period and finding the acceptance that certain things are out of your hands. McCartney’s vocal is plaintive and simple, and his central melody is an all-timer. McCartney knew, of course, that most of the people hearing the song wouldn’t know it was about his mother. They’d hear the name “Mother Mary” as a religious reference, and McCartney steered into that.

Best wishes for your continued health and safety, Dear Readers.  My prayers for you and yours.

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Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash

What Will Be, Will Be

I have been thinking about my upcoming discussion with my boss when we implement Work From Home (WFH).  It is coming.  A senior leader needed my help formatting a document that outlines the guidelines. I couldn’t read much of it, only the title.  I also overheard him talking to another senior leader about out of our top 30 competitors, we are the only one not WFH.  Damn.

My problem is that my boss, being the loyal lieutenant, isn’t a fan of WFH.  I have to figure out how to discuss this with her when the time comes.  She treats the situation like it is on hourly accountability.  I am an exempt employee, so I am not too much into the “tit for tat”.  She is from the world of billable hours, so she is.  I was hired for my expertise, not so much hired to be a butt in a chair, although I do that to make her happy.  She hasn’t managed someone of my level before.  She typically deals with admins and the like (no slight to them, it is just that they tend to be more task-oriented which is not my situation).

Plus I have to consider that it will come to light that I really don’t have enough work to fill a 40 hour week.  I had mentioned it to her before, early on, but she didn’t come up with more responsibilities.  After two mentions, I shut up.  Why shine a spotlight on it?

I need to prep for this conversation and I am not too sure how I want it to go.  Plus we are headed towards massive national unemployment, so this prepping could be for nothing. Since I am overhead, I could easily go early.

The result I want is employment.  I could compromise and reduce my week (and salary) to 32 hours.  For the interim, perhaps I could use PTO to make up the missing 8 hours.  I would like to keep my full salary, but I think everyone needs to make sacrifices.

If they decide to fire me, perhaps I could make some $$ with them as their consultant.  I have to be flexible.  Nerves are frayed, so who knows what will happen.  During the Recession, they managed to navigate it without laying anyone off.  They reduced hours, but the company was smaller then.  The CEO does know how to navigate tough times, however, these are times no one has ever endured.  He is freaking the fuck out.  The weight of the company and everyone’s livelihoods rests on his shoulders.  I do not envy him one bit.

Today I have a zen acceptance that what will happen, will happen.  Work will end up as it should.  My credit card balances are zero except for one.  I do not owe the tax man a penny.  My only debt is that one credit card balance of $1,500 and my car payment. Financially I will be fine.  Not great, but I will be OK.

What I really want more than anything is for my family to come out of this intact and healthy.  Say a prayer for Taz who is on the frontlines of Brooklyn.  I think about her all the time.  She is so brave, so calm, so reassuring when we talk.  Her stress reliever is to order groceries and watch stupid shows like “Love is Blind”.  Then she gets up and heads back to patch people up.  I am so incredibly proud of her.  What a remarkable woman.  I am so blessed and lucky.  What will happen, will happen.  Karma is in control, not me. I have to remember that and stay positive.

My wishes for your continued health and safety.  My prayers for any of you with sick family and friends.  My love for all of you — love and kindness are what will pull us through.

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Photo by Joel Henry on Unsplash

Alternate Reality

My new normal for now is so strange.  All of my great healthy habits are slipping.  My gym is closed, my 5K is canceled.  I am staying up an hour or so later, so I wake up later.

I can’t really exercise in the early morning.  Maybe I can if I did some workouts in my apartment.  I miss my gym, so I need to regroup and keep going.

I have continued to lose weight.  I am averaging 0.64 pounds a week so I have lost over 10 pounds since January.  I have trimmed down inches all over as well.  My clothes fit better.  I have two pairs of jeans I bought for the holidays that are so big now I can slip them off without unzipping them.  VICTORY!  I don’t feel like I am dieting which is good.  I am simply making better decisions and cooking my own food, so my diet is much healthier. It will be really healthy for the next two weeks since I have a bunch of fresh veggies and limited protein.  I need to blanch and freeze the veggies so they do not go bad.  Food cannot be wasted these days.   An example of my new healthy ways is before turning on the laptop, I thought about making something sweet.  Naw, too much trouble and it’s getting to late to be eating.  Extra calories avoided through sheer laziness.

I do need to get out of my head a bit more.  Read more, get outside to exercise.  Summer is coming which means soon we Floridians will retreat inside to escape the brutal heat (and giant mosquitoes that sometimes carry Zika)  This will especially be the case since we won’t have pools or beaches for the foreseeable future.  Ugh.

Tonight I talked to two girlfriends.  One has a son in Brooklyn – sigh.  She is facing unemployment as her profession has dried up due to COVID.  Her spirits were good, but she is worried primarily about her family.  The other is happily unemployed from the insurance world and watching that world crumple along with everyone else.  I called my son who is facing a rapidly changing world.  His grad school is now online.  The foundation that he is interning with just learned that a major source of their funding has evaporated completely.  He will be fine, but he may not know that yet.  I told him just to focus on school.

When I was talking to one of my girlfriends, I described what we need to do for the next 4-6 weeks as “surfing the tsunami”.  We just need to ride the gigantic wave of awfulness that is approaching us and stay afloat.   This COVID situation is stripping away everyone’s mask.  The greedy, the panicky, the noble, the scum, the desperate, the calm.  Everyone’s mask is being stripped away and true colors are being exposed.  So what’s next?  Time will tell when we have finished surfing the tsunami.  For now, we have to come to terms with our new alternate reality.

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Photo by Austin Schmid on Unsplash

Wait, What?!

My dad had his house for sale. He and my stepmom moved into an assisted living situation. The house had been on the market for months which had my dad so frustrated.

I was concerned they had it listed during the throes of downsizing and de-cluttering. He put a pretty penny into it to freshen it up.   Money I wasn’t convinced was going to make much of a difference.  No luck. He called me grumbling about the situation.

I was concerned enough to call a girlfriend who put me in touch with a realtor who specialized in that area. She secret-shopped it and recommended a 6% price cut. I knew my dad was not going to be happy hearing that.

I was trying to figure out how to discuss this with him. During a phone call two weeks later he pipes up that the darn house is under contract with only a tiny price reduction. Say what?!

It got me thinking about “experts”. Who was right?  Yes, the easy way would have been to drop the price as the realtor suggested, but it ended up not being necessary.  Of course, his closing ended up being a bit fraught, but the durn thing closed at the price he wanted.  It closed at a price/SF that is higher than comparable properties.  Interesting, right?  It has features that the realtor thought would be a negative and ended up as positives for this buyer.

As the old saying goes, never assume because it makes an ass of u and me.  Hmmmm, something to think about…..

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Storm is Brewing

How do you stay calm in the face of the rising public hysteria? It is not easy. If you already suffer from anxiety, my heart goes out to you because it is a Herculean task to manage it today.

When the community is facing a crisis (mostly hurricanes and now COVID-19), I somehow feel a drumbeat in the background. A beat or rhythm that builds. I started feeling it during the run up to hurricanes. I guess it is one of my ways feeling anxiety. It has been thudding in the background for me over the past three weeks.

Yesterday between a cascade of events including talking to my daughter, Dr Taz, reading Angela Merkel’s speech and listening to our own president finally facing reality, I sat back and thought, “We are facing a new normal for quite some time”. Huge changes that none of us have seen in our lifetime are beginning.

My company has instituted very strict travel bans. No mixing and mingling or wining and dining. No Corporate Run, which is a bummer because I have been training for two months. I am fine with that and I’ll write about my Plan B later.

For me, no MeetUps. Limited gym time. This has the potential of being an isolating event. My very social SIL begins working from home today. We all know Dr. Taz at some point will bring it home plus his colleagues traveled extensively, so he wants to avoid spreading it to others. He is young, incredibly fit so his risk is low for a serious case, but he potentially will be a strong transmitter.

On the other hand, my Ex is a smoker who just turned 60. He spent his birthday weekend in late February with the kids, so I asked Taz if he was worried. She said he was oblivious. When my candid SIL (I adore this guy), said that it was targeting older folks who smoked, etc., Taz gave him some major side eye, but my Ex was undeterred. How many people will be like him?

When Angela Markel told Germans that as many as 70% of them will get COVID-19, I took note. When the scientists explained it could take up to two years to reach that saturation point, I took note. When my daughter said that hospitals are telling certain specialists like psychiatrists that they may be called upon to treat patients if the hospital becomes overwhelmed, I took note. When the CBS News studio in NYC was shut down due to a COVID-19 case and they scrambled to use a Boston affiliate, I took note. Sports teams suspending games or paying to empty stadiums are part of our new normal.

When the medical scientists explain that a vaccine is 12-18 months away and how they need to protect the herd so we don’t overwhelm the healthcare system, I take note. How do I stay safe, so I don’t need healthcare? How will I keep food in the house and keep myself entertained and not feeling isolated? Will our supply chain hold?

My strongest trait in the Clifton Strengths is Positivity. I don’t fret too much, but I am also a strategic thinker (my second strongest trait). I see all types of implications for those I love and for me.

I see big implications for my company. Can the CEO steer the ship through the storm with all the crew? I made a suggestion to my boss earlier this week that would save us hundreds of thousands of dollars. It is being considered by Senior Leadership. It will save jobs.

Hang on folks, we are in for a bumpy, stressful and scary ride over the next year. Be smart, stay strong.

Hitting Home

I just finished “Evvie Drake Starts Over” by Linda Holmes.  Wow. Loved it.  Once I got started, I couldn’t put it down.  Chick Lit that hit home.  Evvie’s marriage was so much like mine that it hurt at times.

She was leaving her husband, literally, when she got the phone call he was in a car accident that ended up being fatal.  I am ashamed to confess that I dreamed many a night of my Ex dying in a DUI accident when he stayed out late drinking.

Her husband was charming to everyone, mine often was as well.  Everyone thought their marriage was perfect.  Mine also.  So many similarities.  His temper, his denial of basic facts. She was also a self-confessed “fixer” -someone intent on fixing others rather than working on herself.  Guilty.

She didn’t want to tell others her feelings because of her rocky relationship with her husband.  Same.  I still keep things pent up and don’t share much with the outside world.  I put much more inner truth on this blog than anywhere else and there are still a few things I am not blogging about these days.

People think I am an open book because I will chatter on about my life, day-to-day stuff, but rarely will I spout about my feelings.  Nope, not sharing.  Between my borderline personality mother, absentee father and emotionally abusive husband, I keep my inner feelings locked up tight where I occasionally take them out to look at and then usually stuff them back inside.  Not the healthiest thing to do and I need to do better.

The book left me thinking and spending today listening to the Avett Brothers.  I got out of the shitty marriage.  I am safe.  I am happy.  I am oh so blessed these days.  Time to unpack the emotions and let them have some room to show themselves.  It’s OK.

Get the book.  It is much lighter than perhaps I am describing it.  I need to put Maine on my bucket list for sure….

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