"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

Peace

Good morning! My friends who have dragged me along as their third wheel are playing golf this morning. This leaves me with a precious morning of privacy.

I’ll write more about the trip later. It’s been magical for me to return to a place that holds so many happy memories.

I will slowly be unlocking bits and pieces of my blog. I don’t like having it hidden. I like having people read and follow me. Just be patient and I’ll open it back up. Except maybe the juicy bits like my topless photo. We’ll see. No hurry.

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Cleaning Out My Closet

This weekend I was cleaning out my office and going through boxes of photos & crap in an effort to get rid of more stuff.

Mission accomplished. One huge bag of shredded papers and junk tossed. Lots of paper recycled, a box of books donated, 3 boxes mailed to Taz (one was her wedding dress), etc., etc. It was a long, vastly productive weekend.

The first day was a bit slow as I went through boxes of photo albums and I came across boxes of old letters both from my mom’s stuff and my stuff. My mom’s correspondence was interesting. Letters from my dad (post-divorce), my grandparents (both sides), my mom’s sister and more.

At the beginning, when my parents separated and my mom moved 3 hours away to go back to school, my dad wrote a couple of nice, warm letters to her. He missed his kids. Then something must have happened and the tone shifted.

My mom always thought he had been having an affair with my stepmom. Maybe. Later on my stepmom wrote some nasty letters to my mom calling her a slut & accusing her of keeping us kids for the child support money.

My grandparents sent letters about me being unhappy, personal loans that needed to be repaid to them.

I came across one lovely letter from my brother raking me across the coals for not sending my dad a birthday card. I was 13, he was 17. Mind you this is now the brother that has nothing to do with any family member.

It was boxes of evidence of the dysfunctional family I grew up with. Then I found 4 shoe boxes full of letters from friends and family to me.

One poignant letter stood out. It was a draft that I never mailed to a boyfriend. I had picked up and bolted across the country after my first year of college to rejoin my mom and awful stepdad. They had encouraged me to do this. My letter was about what an awful mistake I had made. My stepdad was drunk, nothing was they had represented. I was struggling to figure out my options including joining the military. I had burnt my bridge with my dad so returning wasn’t an option.

I stopped reading the letters. I don’t have the emotional capacity or time for them right now. I want to read them though because they contain information I have long forgotten.

My dad is sending me two more boxes of such memories including my long lost yearbooks and diaries. Oh boy, there is gonna be some interesting stuff there.

For now, I am putting it all aside. The past is the past. I want to focus on the future.

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Photo by Joanna Kosinska on Unsplash

My Son & I

I had a very long chat with my son, who is in Asia.  We hadn’t spoken much recently because he took off on a solo 10-day road trip during a break from his teaching job.  It was nice to get all caught up with him and hear some of the highlights of his trip.  I am so proud of him.  He’s now virtually fluent in a difficult Asian language; he planned and completed a road trip that highlighted areas he wanted to see and I can hear his confidence growing.

He was telling me that he is feeling momentum building for his return to the U.S.  Our chat started because he wanted me to read an email to his grad school advisor.  It’s time for him to set up his school email and select his courses for the Fall.  I helped him tweak the email and that lead to the phone call.

When he returns to the U.S., his plan is to visit with family for a week as he packs up and prepares to move up the East Coast.  We walked through that timeline so I could put some dates in my calendar.

Then we talked about logistics of where he would be living for grad school.  His girlfriend has pushed the housing selection responsibility onto him, the guy who is living literally halfway around the world.  That was my opening…

“How are things going with her?”  He admitted that they have been bickering more frequently.  We then began the discussion of how it would be much harder to break up with her once they have moved so far away and are living together.

We talked about how living with her and her “emotional support” dog (a Pitbull mix) is going to make housing incredibly difficult and probably more expensive.  His post-grad school is in an expensive, urban area.

He mentioned that during his orientation for his current overseas position, they specifically said that if you have mental health issues, they do not go away with a change of environment.  “If you are depressed in the U.S., you will continue to be depressed in Asia with it possibly worsening due to stress.”

His girlfriend battles anxiety and some other issues.  She is in therapy and on medication.  She is somewhat estranged from her family.  I have seen a tendency of hers to battle with those around her.  Her roommates moved out, her apartment complex manager fights with her and other stories give me pause.  She’s a smart young woman, but she will hold my son back from his goals.

My son wants to travel the world.  He wants to work in areas that require high security clearances.  It will be stressful and demanding.  Having a stressful, demanding home life isn’t conducive to his career and life goals or his own mental health.

I explained to him that I was going through the situation of planning to break up with the Hunter.  I told him that it was going to be really hard since we are living together.  I suggested that he NOT follow my example.

It will be interesting to see how he handles the situation.  This has been his first serious relationship.  Time will tell.  I am hoping that sharing my experiences will help him make his own decisions, but at the end of the day, he has to decide how and when to act.  Good luck, dear son!  I’m on your side.

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Photo by Xavier Mouton Photographie on Unsplash

Protected: My Mom

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Protected: 4 Years Ago….

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Protected: It’s Gone Forever

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