"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Archive for the ‘Dating’ Category

Curvy Widow

Here is a New York Times article about a woman after my own heart and an Ashley Madison devotee to boot.  My BFF always said I needed to write a book about those days…

Dating 6 Men at 68: The Woman Behind the Musical ‘Curvy Widow’ https://nyti.ms/2xHlkjK

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Our First Anniversary

I had a funny phone call this week from the Hunter. He calls from work to tell me, not discuss with me, what is our official anniversary date. He claims it is when he moved in rather than February 1st which was our first date. I started laughing because, well, it is clear that he thinks we have too romance much crammed into February, so he’s trying to push the anniversary back a month. I called him on it and he sheepishly laughed and said, “Of course! I can’t afford all this in one month!”  

Then I told him that putting a bunch of hype and emphasis on a single day like Valentines or an anniversary isn’t my style. I think that we should be appreciating each other all year and a special day doesn’t have to be some over-the-top occasion. He sighed and said, “this is why I love you. You are such a unique and special woman.”  

But in my mind, our anniversary will be February 1st, celebration or not.  It was our first date (you can read about it here) and it was the beginning of us.  I asked him this morning after a great Sunday fuck, if he had been nervous on that date. He laughed and said, “very much so.”  Yes, I had seen his nerves. Now, knowing him much better, I know that he really laid his soul bare and really opened himself up to me. I could have crushingly rejected him for not having enough money or education or whatever. Instead, I looked inside and saw a wonderful, smart man who wanted to love someone and be loved, unconditionally, as well. 

Fast forward to today and we have settled into domesticity. The Hunter lately has laughingly complained that I have turned him into a “pussy” and he is becoming soft. He isn’t going to the woods as much and we think it’s because he is happy at home and no longer needs to escape. Our home is now just that — ours. It started as my oasis of freedom and an expression of me when I moved out. I furnished it slowly and thoughtfully with things I love and always wanted. Now we have some of his photos in the living room, a bobcat skin and deer antlers in the dining area, camping gear and a smoker out on the patio, a canoe out front –you get the idea — and I am happy with this. 

I am happy with my relationship with the Hunter. It is such an honor and joy to have a good, strong man loving me. He gives me so much support and encouragement. He appreciates my help and support as well. Our life is easy and we are very compatible. The challenge for us will be fighting the complacency and not taking each other for granted. 

The first half of this year is full of significant milestones for Taz which spills over to me, but I am pining for a vacation and want to plan something so I have the joy of anticipation. I need some sand in my toes and to get out amongst folks a bit. The Hunter has unwittingly done the latter by surprising me with tickets to a Valentines concert and a comedienne that we both love. I just need to speak up and act too. I have very ambitious work goals this year and I need to push hard to make the dollars I want to earn. It is all within my grasp and I am so very happy with my life. I am a lucky girl. 

Elaborate Lives

We all lead such elaborate lives 
wild ambitions in our sights 
How an affair of the heart survives 
days apart and hurried nights 
Seems quite unbelievable to me 
I don’t want to live like that 
seems quite unbelievable to me 
I don’t want to love like that 
I just want our time to be 
slower and gentler, wiser, free 

Elton John & Tim Rice

The Hunter and I are rapidly approaching the one-year mark. It is interesting to see how far we have come and how comfortable we are with one another. I wouldn’t say complacent because we both try to stay interesting. I was thinking about what my list of attributes in a man was and how, in many ways, the Hunter has shown me the ones that truly matter the most. 

Here are some things that fell by the wayside for me (in no particular order):

  • Education – I just need a smart man, but formal education doesn’t equal smart. The Hunter is very smart, but not necessarily book-smart. I have discovered that it’s fine and if I need to stretch my brain beyond it’s limits, I’ll call my son, for example, and engage in a deep conversation with him about geopolitics or whatever. 
  • Money – I have realized that I can do with less and not feel deprived. The Hunter has gone to great lengths to provide for me.  He got a great new job that has tremendous upward mobility and every paycheck is spent on us. He is incredibly generous and giving with what he has. I know that I out earn him and we are both OK with this. I’m feminist enough not to need a man to totally take care of me. Do I miss a great dinner out occasionally, yes, but it isn’t a big deal and once again, I don’t feel deprived. Money is going to get interesting as I enter my First Quarter Pinch. Between taxes, Taz’s wedding and an break in my pipeline, I will be tapping into my reserves heavily. I’ll need to keep using my self-discipline muscle. 
  • Water – this is an unusual one. I wanted a guy who loves the water – beach, boating, etc. This is the one area the Hunter and I don’t align. It isn’t really his thing. I understand and that’s fine, but I will need to make an effort to satisfy my craving for it. 

It is interesting that as I reviewed this post (written at 2 am last night when it couldn’t sleep), that my list above seems trite and superficial. I think that once I got clear on the man I wanted, it was easier to recognize him. It goes back to this post which was written before the Hunter and I began dating (he was on my radar though).  In that post (for those who don’t feel the need to click on it), I talk about trust and honesty. Now fast forward and here are some of the things that I now understand are incredibly important to me:

  • Patience – the Hunter has the patience of a saint with me. He never yells or snaps when we are doing something together regardless of how bumble-fingered I am. He is a wonderful teacher also, but his patience is inspiring. My Ex had none and would snap frequently which kept me on a nervous edge when we tried to do things together. The Hunter is a breath of fresh air in this regard. 
  • Helpfulness – the Hunter is always helpful without me asking. Last weekend for my Vision Board brunch, for example, he helped set things up and made some awesome sandwiches —  and he wasn’t even staying for the party.  He willingly disappeared for a couple of hours. He does all sorts of things around the house.  It’s lovely. I constantly am happy with all he does. 
  • Thoughtfulness – maybe this ties into helpfulness, but he really thinks about things that give me pleasure. For example, my Christmas present was a bike. It is a wonderful, expensive bike and the nicest one I have ever had. He wanted to make sure I got what I wanted, so he took me to four bike shops so I could try different ones. Then after our camping trip the bike needed adjustment, so he immediately took it in for its 30 day adjustment. He just bought tickets to a Valentines concert because he knows it will make me happy. He doesn’t know that I have wanted to go to this Valentines concert for years, but he just thought it would make me happy.
  • Sex and snuggling- damn this man is good in bed. He keeps things spicy.  I love his touch. I love when his large hands touch me so gently or not-so-gently. I love his strength. I love the smoothness of his skin, the scruff of his beard and his manly scent of tobacco, outdoors and other things. His kisses are divine and he enjoys a good snuggle. 
  • Listener – he is great at listening to me. He let’s me babble about my day, tell my silly stories and he really listens. I know that he is always ready to listen to me. 
  • Communication – I put this separate from listening because it’s about him talking to me. He calls me a couple of times during the day.  He never hides things or evades me. He confronts any issue head-on. I know I can tell him anything.  I love his sexy laugh and his dimples when he smiles. 

I think that because we are empty-nesters and older, we both realize that great companionship is key. We truly appreciate one another and try very hard not to take the other for granted. We also know that compromise is necessary and the ability to compromise gracefully is important. The Hunter has learned and grown tremendously over the years. If I had met him any sooner, I probably would not have fallen for him. He needed to work out a few things and I needed to also. Timing is everything and out time is now. Now I need to wrap this post up because the Hunter discovered I am writing and he is bursting with curiosity, so it’s time to read this to him. Happy Sunday!

Twistin’ the Night Away – Not

Here’s a man in evening clothes
How he got here, I don’t know, but
Man, you oughta see him go
Twistin’ the night away
He’s dancin’ with a chick in slacks
She’s movin’ up and back
Oh, man, there ain’t nothin’ like

Twistin’ the night away
They’re twistin’, twistin’
Everybody’s feelin’ great
They’re twistin’, twistin’
They’re twistin’ the night

Sam Cooke

I am not a party girl.  I was never into the club scene when I was young. Screaming small talk into somebody’s ear was never my preferred way to meet someone. Combine that with my inability to hold my liquor plus a lack of dancing skills  and you’ve got Baby in the corner (without a hunky Patrick Swazye to teach me — RIP sexy man).  Anyway, it surprises a lot of people who know me that I am not a fan of a big party. Give me a small dinner party, cocktail party and I shine, but large events are making me sigh because damn they are a lot of work.

Last night the Hunter and I went to my boss’ annual toy drive Christmas party. It’s my fourth time at this 100+ person event and I have to admit — it’s boring. A bunch of old fart country club types who do not have any tilitillating small talk, small bites of food, drinks heavy with cheap liquor and a host and hostess working like crazy. The upside was a great excuse to get dressed up and go out with the Hunter, a stunning setting, a great band (who took the longest breaks I have ever seen) and saying hi to my co-workers and some folks I use to work with (but never really liked).  I tapped out after 2-1/2 hours. It just doesn’t ring my bell. The Hunter was a great sport for going because he doesn’t like these big parties either. It was the first time he met my boss and it went well.  

I had two parties yesterday plus I hosted a business party for over 300 this week and now I can say that I am a bit of a snob when it comes to parties.  I also now realize how amazing my house parties were back in the day. The daytime party yesterday was for the girls and I was grateful that a new friend invited me. We are in the same business and I had taken her to lunch so we could get to know each other better. She reciprocated with a party invite. It was fun — her friends are not my type (sorry, but I can be snobby on my blog if I want), but everyone was fun and in great spirits. You can tell that they are all very close, which can be a tough circle to penetrate, but they were welcoming. We did that crazy gift exchange/swap where everyone gets a number and can either swipe or unwrap a gift. I love these — it brings out my evil streak. I got a fabulous candle.  

The priceless moment of that party was the unwrapping of the second gift. A woman, who is a hoot, grabs a tall rectangle box and tears the paper off the top.  It says “Rabbit”.  Every soccer mom perked up like a lion that caught scent of its prey. The look on their faces was fantastic. It was an electric wine opener, but I immediately said that I knew what I would be bringing next year…and you know I will. 

The business party is put together by a very seasoned team, so it is effortless on my part. I am the hostess and have to run it, but that’s easy when you have awesome professionals behind the scene. It’s just a long afternoon and evening. We keep it to a firm two hour cocktail party but when you give people free food and drink, I am always amazed by the gluttony that ensues. 

My next party will be my daughter’s bridal shower. That will be a measure of my diplomacy and a taste of how the wedding will play out. It’s coed and a former sister-in-law is having it at her house. The Hunter and I decided that perhaps he will stay home for this one. I think it’s the wiser course of action. My Ex is one of 3 brothers and a sister. The sister is completely cool — she was at the Engagement party, but the brothers have been childishly ignoring me and rude, so I know it could be potentially volatile since we will be on enemy territory. The Hunter and I prefer to keep the focus on the happy couple…I mean the soon-to-be newlyweds and not us. Some may call us cowards, but I prefer to think that we are being diplomatic. 

Thankful Moments

I have some random thoughts lingering from Thanksgiving. The first is amusing. 

Background:  Niño, the Hunter’s son, and his buddy, Russell, (you can read about them here) joined us for Thanksgiving. I am considerate that many (my son included) have double-duty (i.e. 2 Thanksgiving parties), so I start early. I prefer a 1:00 start so I can relax in the evening (and enjoy a lovely Round 2 of food).  The Hunter warned his son not to show up empty-handed.  1) because gentlemen bring SOMETHING to a woman’s house for a big dinner event and 2) to thank me because I made Niño his own pumpkin pie because he said it was his favorite pie. My recipe is my grandmother’s and is renown for its awesomeness, so he scored big there. 

So Nino and Russell pop into a Total Wine to buy me a bottle of wine, however, Russell is underage so Total Wine refused to sell a bottle of wine to Niño. As Russell later said, “Seriously, do they really think red wine is the go-to for 20-year-old guys looking to get drunk?”  Plan B was a dash to Whole Foods to buy me flowers. The Hunter enjoyed Nino’s frustration — one of life’s lessons in his mind. I hugged Niño and thanked him graciously. The flowers were lovely and made the perfect centerpiece for the table. 

Meanwhile, Teacher was making a play for my BFF, who wasn’t having it. She runs in a high-level circle of C-suite executives, so the overtures of a self-admitted hyper, overly blunt public high school teacher didn’t even register on her radar. Watching both kept the Hunter and me amused all afternoon.  

Around the table, my BFF said the perfect blessing and I asked everyone to tell us something they were grateful for. I said I was grateful for everyone at the table and their impact on my life. My son was grateful for me and other family among other things.  The Hunter was grateful for me mostly and his son.  Niño surprised me and expounded on my virtues. He was grateful for the positive impact I was having on his dad’s life.  My son leaped in and added that he was grateful for the Hunter and pronounced him”cool”.  I was touched. One of my daily affirmations is “I am appreciative of the compliments I receive”. This popped into my head and enabled me to relish this moment. 

The other amusing moment was after everyone left except Teacher. He was spending the night so they could head to the woods early. He and the Hunter were rummaging through the leftovers and discovered my other great pie. For Thanksgiving, I must have the following desserts: pumpkin pie and chocolate bourbon pecan pie. I usually do an amazing white chocolate bread pudding in the crockpot (white chocolate and condensed milk — you can never go wrong).  But with my BFF gluten-free and the Hunter asking for apple pie, I made the apple pie, a flourless chocolate cake and another GF dessert. As everyone plowed into the desserts, I was surprised that I was the only one who ate the chocolate bourbon pecan pie, but in my mind, hey, more for me (ugh – I don’t need more but whatever). Then during Round 2, Teacher and the Hunter discovered it. Now it is the Hunter’s favorite of all time. He begged me to save him a piece for his return from the woods.  That’s OK but right now after the two of them finished it, there are at best two slices left.  I will stick to pumpkin pie I suppose. 

This time last year I was wasting my time with two married men from Ashley Madison. They were supplying much needed sex but I was beginning to realize I not only needed but deserved more. I was finding that I relish the contact throughout the day of a man who loves and cares for me. I had my moments of sitting in my home with my cat and dog feeling alone. Not necessarily lonely, but alone which is different. I am having that feeling tonight as I relish an evening in my pj’s with a Netflix binge imminent. I enjoy my alone time, but I have discovered that I like having the Hunter in my life. I miss him and he has texted me that he misses me. I like that — the separation is good for both of us. This is one of the few times “absence makes the heart grow fonder”. 

Full Circle….in Walmart

Funny how the circle turns around
You think your lost and then you’re found again
Though you always look for what you know
Each time around it’s something new again

The Byrds

I have another funny story to share with all of you. The Hunter got his great new job and to celebrate, we decided to head off to the woods for a weekend camping trip. I took a day off from my crazy work life so we could spend three full days enjoying nature and each other. It was awesome.

Now that the Hunter is hired and all the paperwork has been completed, he feels comfortable firing up a joint again. He has been clean for about five months now. Amazing right? I am so proud of him because when we met, he smoked several times every day. As part of the festivities, the Hunter wanted to bring along some ganja because it makes nature just so much more enjoyable. He got enough for three joints on Wednesday and by Friday, he had about 1-1/2 joints left.

He wanted me to get buzzed and with the crazy week I had, I was willing to escape into somewhere comfortably numb. Our camping adventure began with a nice leisurely road trip that involved a couple of stops so our three hour trip stretched into about 4-4-1/2 hours up a country road. It was delightful and I was buzzed, the radio had good tunes and we were chatting away. Then we stopped at Walmart for some last minute supplies.

I was fried when we walked into Walmart. I haven’t been this high for many months and I typically am not the person to get so intoxicated on much of anything because I like to have my wits about me. But the Hunter had prodded a little and I was willing since we had no plans (and I had safely turned my phone OFF), so I definitely inhaled more than usual. So now Walmart and it wasn’t even a super Walmart. As a matter of fact, it was probably on the smaller side. I walked inside and within 5 minutes was lost. I mean like a 3-year-old child lost. The Hunter sent me down an aisle to get pillows because we had forgotten pillows and I needed some anyway. I thought he was right behind me and when I turned around, I was alone.

I swear, I walked around that Walmart for what seemed like 30 minutes with a pillow in each hand and a goofy smile on my face. I went by the bottled water and soda since that was something we needed, no Hunter. I went by the grocery area, no Hunter. I went around the entire perimeter of the store, no Hunter. Then the paranoia hit and I thought he was hiding from me and quietly stalking me and laughing. That caused me to take 10 steps and then spin around to see if he was behind me. 10 steps, spin. Goofy smile, two pillows. I must have been the sight to see.

Finally I see the Hunter approaching the bottled water area and I breathe a sigh of relief. I truly know what a lost child feels like. I didn’t have the humility to ask store personnel for help even though they watched me wander the store aimlessly for what seemed like an eternity.

I grab the Hunter and ask him where he’s been. The camping section (of course). I tell him that I was lost and couldn’t find him. He chuckles. He tells me that before I took off to grab the pillows he had told me to join him in the camping section….oh, I had missed that part. I kept my hand on his shoulder for the remainder of the time. When we get back to the car and leave, I confess that I felt like a lost child and tell him the rest of the adventure (spinning around, lost, goofy grin). He howls with laughter. We both start laughing until we cannot breathe and it continued all weekend. All one of us needed to say was “Walmart pillows” and the giggles commenced.

Now, let’s get serious for a minute and talk about the lovely ganja and the Hunter. He and I had a serious conversation about it on the ride home. He was tempted to get more, so he told me about wanting to fire up on Sunday night. We talked about it and he settled on a cigar instead. He knows he needs to keep his wits about him. I told him that I was concerned about how he would handle this weekend binge. I was uneasy that perhaps it could lead to a serious relapse. I didn’t want him to hide from me, but to talk to me. I told him I didn’t want to come across as judgmental, but instead, concerned about him. He was fine with my reaction and appreciated it. I hope he keeps that demon in check. Yes, we had a great time and the pot with some rum kept the Hunter happy and mellow. Now the test will be, can he accept it in moderation? He says that he knows he has no choice. I think he is strong enough to keep it in check, but he needs to continue to let me know when he struggles, so I can understand where he’s at. He has a great job now, so it would be awful to have something like this fuck things up. In the meantime, I will not be venturing into any big box retailer stoned. I can’t handle that shit.

Uncontrollable Urge

Got an urge, got a surge and it’s out of control
Got an urge, I wanna purge ’cause I’m losing control
Uncontrollable urge, I wanna tell you all about it
Got an uncontrollable urge that make me scream and shout it

Devo

I haven’t told you the story about my moment of insanity. Yes, even I have my moments of complete crazy and recently I had a dozy. If you recall, over the summer I broke my Hitachi. Yes, it was a sad moment, but I decided recently that I was overdue in replacing that power tool. I got a different one from Adam & Eve – their lesser generic model that is much cheaper. It arrived promptly on a Friday, but I decided to wait until Sunday morning before taking it on a test drive.

I was waiting because the Hunter had plans for an epic adventure in the woods with Teacher on Sunday, so I knew that I would have a lazy Sunday morning getting acquainted with my new tool. I mentioned my plans to the Hunter on Saturday and he joked about hiding it. Not funny. And he did hide it and I went nuts. Oh yes, my crazy escaped and was on full display for all to see.

Sunday morning I came downstairs to retrieve it from the dining room table and it was gone. Sigh. Really? Keep in mind that the Hunter is deep in the woods with no cell service. I know this, but I whipped out my phone and the evil texts began:

You hid my new toy?! Where the fuck is it?!

I paused and walked my dog. Instead of this calming me down, it merely added gasoline to the fire. I returned and launched another text.

I am sad. My morning plans are ruined. Sob. I was looking forward to this and now I’ve cancelled. I really don’t indulge myself much and this was one of the few ways. Now you have spoiled it. Thanks. I’m officially pissed.

I paused and half heartedly looked around. It isn’t anywhere obvious and let’s face it – I don’t want to play his game. Next text:

Even if I tear the house apart and find it, the mood is ruined. I am really, really upset. You could have left a note or a clue, but no, you are off the grid and have fucked up perhaps the ONLY thing I was going to do for myself. That was a shitty thing to do.

I pause again and fix myself some coffee and a yogurt. The fire inside me is still raging. After a few minutes, I write this one:

I am really angry. I mean really angry. Seriously. You have ruined my joy around indulging myself with my new toy and my awakening sexuality. Don’t think, “oh she could use another toy for the same result” because that is not the point! Now my day is starting from a place of anger & hurt. No Bueno. You have made me cry – my feelings are really hurt. I am terribly upset. I am not kidding. I am dead serious. For some reason that silly action of yours hit a raw nerve of emotion in me. I don’t know why it triggered such a strong reaction but it did. I’m really upset.

I sulk some more and head towards the patio door. As I approach the dining room table, I find his damn clue. His clue is written on a package insert from Adam & Eve (like I would look at the paperwork — ugh).   “It’s close by, just keeping dry – Love you, the Hunter”. I am an idiot.  He had put it in the dryer a mere 10 feet away. However, I have to deal with the fact that my crazy is out and now I have to see if I can squish it back into its box.  I am still pissed at the moment of discovery,  but I am calming down. This little harmless joke really triggered my crazy apparently.

So what does a girl do when her crazy is out of the box, her day is now pissy, her man is in the woods and off the grid? She calls her dearest friend, goes to brunch and gets shitfaced. Yep, I enjoyed unlimited mimosas and the fabulous company of my dearest girlfriend. She laughed until she cried over my story. Then the Hunter called….with an oh so apprehensive tone in his voice and gently apologized. I tell him I’m fine and with my girlfriend. And I was. I got home and he was a bit wary of me since my crazy had such a fine moment of sunshine. But I was OK. He was wondering if I was going to unleash my crazy, but I didn’t need to. The moment was over.

The next morning as he got ready for work, he came upstairs with that damn vibrator. He pulled it out of the box, plugged it, grabbed the lube and placed it all on the nightstand. Then he kissed me good-bye and left for work. I truly love this man. He gets me and he is so kind and thoughtful. Plus the new vibrator is awesome. Just what I needed to keep the crazy at bay.

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