"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Archive for the ‘Books’ Category

New Road Map

I have long believed life is a journey.  A long, winding road full of bumps, detours, forks, .hills and valleys.

I spent today reading Sheri Salata’s book, The Beautiful No.  It is a quick read.  Although I have expressed my reservations about Oprah, Sheri had some good moments that resonated with me.  Not enough to buy her $20 workbook, but enough to purchase her $15 book after starting with a library e-book.

One realization I had while reading her book is I figured out what is up with neutral gear in my reset.  I need a new map.  My map for 2019 was about finding my reset.

To that end, I found a new job, moved to a new city and a new apartment, worked on a new lifestyle of frugality and minimalism, changed my relationship with the Hunter and began working on my health. 2019 has been a year of big changes.  I have taken lots of action and big steps, however, I have felt that I have come to an end.

Now that I have achieved so many big things in 2019, I need to pause.  It is time to rejoice  and celebrate.  I took a moment while writing this to let this thought sink in. I haven’t figured out how I will celebrate, perhaps when I see my kids at Christmas I can think of something.  One thing I know is that I am very, very grateful for this reset.

It is time to create my 2020 road map for the next phase of my life journey. I think my subconscious has already been preparing for this and that is the underlying cause of my unrest.  I am floating in uncharted waters, so I will feel more secure and purposeful if I have a chart or map to provide direction.

One big revelation for my 2020 road map is that it does not contain a single work-related item.  Not one. Work doesn’t need to bleed into my personal life any longer.  Wow, that’s a wonderful thing.

I am selfishly focused on me and my personal life.  That is a first for me.  Perhaps my word for 2020 will be “Selfish” or “Self-Centered”.

I like those words.  Nobody who knows me would ever use one of those words to describe me.  Perhaps that is why they are such great words for me.  It is something I need to learn to be/do.

By living alone, I am able to give myself the space to be selfish, to focus on my needs and wants.  This weekend I am spending my free time focused on me.  Selfish has begun. More to follow.

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Photo by Element5 Digital on Unsplash

 

Frugal Begins

I mentioned in my last post that I am in the midst of adding a few new kitchen accoutrements.  I haven’t been cooking much if any for the past several years since the Hunter tended to dominate the kitchen.  One of the best ways for me to keep my spending (and hopefully weight) under control is to simply eat at home all the time.

I was inspired by the book, The Art of Eating In  by Cathy Erway.  She spent two years not eating out in New York City.  It’s a great read.  You can also read Cathy’s blog.

Anyway, one of the easiest ways to save money is with your food budget.  I am all set to do just that, but I wanted to make my life easier with a few extra gadgets.  The dutch oven is essential for launching my idea of baking.  Not just muffins and brownie mix, but bread.  Cathy talks about a “no-knead” bread that she made constantly.  That’s what I am talking about.  If I am not going to dine out, then I need to be able to cook good stuff.  I need to meal prep so if I am tired, I am not tempted to order something.

I got another book, Budget Bytes, which is also blog.  Beth Moncel is a nutritionist/food scientist and she knows how to cook on a budget.  She has been a big inspiration that I can have some fantastic meals for pennies.

Right now the frig and freezer are full of ingredients.  Now it is time to create some great meals. I have planned out my first round of menu items.  Until I get the freezer a bit stocked with some ready-to-go options, I will be cooking more than usual.  I am hopeful that I can get it down to a couple of days a week with plenty of leftovers.  Fortunately I like leftovers.

There is only one big ticket item left to acquire and that is my sofa.   I have found two good candidates on OfferUp for half of what I was willing to spend.  I hope to see them soon and I should be able to get some guys from work to haul it up for me.

Then, except for Christmas, I will be on a spending lock down.  I really don’t need anything, so it won’t be a hardship.  The hardship will be not buying tickets to events or eating out.  It will be interesting to see how I can keep busy and lively without spending money, but I really need to get myself out of debt and on a firm financial footing.  It isn’t forever.  I am hopeful I can clean things up in less than 2 years.

Here we go……

 

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Photo by Ella Olsson on Unsplash

My Beach Read

My beach read for my recent trip was “The Naked Truth” by Leslie Morgan.  That damn bitch wrote my book.  Actually she wrote the Hollywood version of my book.

She’s doing the newly divorced 50ish woman re-discovering her sexuality with a flair that only privileged white women can do.  That’s my snarky side peeking out.

Leslie is a beautiful, fit, successful writer with two homes.  That hussy was living the dream — my dream — in her memoir.  OK, enough of my green-eyed monster.  Give me a minute and let me tuck my monster away….

OK, I’m back.  Leslie was right on point.  Her pain, her honesty, her humor but mostly her blinding candor made this book a great read for me.  It reminds me that women in our 50’s with an empty (or nearly empty) nest really need to spend some time discovering and uncovering ourselves (pun intended).

No spoilers.  If you have a chance to grab the book, you’ll spend some time with someone who automatically feels like a friend.  Here are some of my favorite quotes – no spoilers, I promise.

“I was crazy about men now the way Lyon had loved each of his high school hookups.  Including me.  Each of the men in my life was a chip of self-worth, helping me rebuild myself”

“Ever ask yourself what are you really looking for, honey?  Sometimes it seems like you’re willing to pay an awfully steep price in order to feel loved.  That’s what you always say about your first marriage — that the definition of an abuse victim is someone who pays too high a ransom in exchange for love.”    This one hit home for me.

Sara (this is her therapist) had warned me to be careful.  She cautioned that the first serious relationship following a divorce can be more intense than the marriage itself, because after a divorce, you are raw and broken and filled with hope that the next time, you’re going to find lasting love to make up for the love you lost.”  Damn, did that ring true.

“You know it sounds to me like Jake (her boyfriend) is your burn ointment.  Your sexual healing after years of Marty’s (her Ex) sabotage.  But that doesn’t mean he’s your soul mate.  Each man you date now is a building block for your self-esteem.  Not the foundation.  Don’t confuse the two.”  Damn, I need her therapist.  That woman is worth her weight in gold.

“Withholding emotion is a form of manipulation.”  Yeah, I may be guilty of this…

“Part of this journey was, obviously, that I had to learn and re-learn that the way I allowed men to treat me was up to me, and only me. I had to thread a particularly challenging needle:  to find validation from men in my life without completely giving myself over to them.”  Yep, still working on that.

“You grew up in an alcoholic home.  Fundamentally, this means that the people who loved you, who were supposed to take care of you, didn’t protect you.  It’s why you are so independent, and yet paradoxically susceptible to abuse and manipulation by those closest to you.”   This was a biggie for me.  My family wasn’t necessarily an alcoholic home, but it was dysfunctional.  Something to ponder further.

Anyway, buy Leslie’s book.  We divorced nymphomaniacs need to stick together.

Naked Truth

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