Today started off great. I had a good mindset even though I still report to the office. I realized how blessed I am to have a job, caring coworkers and more. I realized that part of my mixed feelings includes guilt. My life is still pretty normal, especially when you compare it so many others. At the end of the day I got a text from Taz that dumped a bucket of ice cold water on my mood.
Earlier this week I found some full body coveralls with booties and a hood. Four mediums at a Lowes. A coworker’s brother had found masks at another so I had been looking for N95 masks, but found those and safety googles instead. I bought them all and sent Taz a text asking if ehe wanted them.
She sent a calm text that no she didn’t need them. She had her scrubs. We joked about my tendency to overbuy when anxious. Her overbuying is groceries. I was holding the coveralls with the thought of giving them to my apartment maintenance guys. Until today, two days later, I got Taz’s text. “No, I lied. Send them”. I immediately overnighted them.
I called my son-in-law thinking I wouldn’t be able to talk to her. She picked up the phone. I told her that the coveralls and my citrus shipment would arrive tomorrow and I would send her the tracking numbers. Then I asked the dreaded question – who are they for? They are for her.
They are putting the surgeons into the COVID units beginning tomorrow. They do not have the proper respiratory training to keep these patients alive. She insisted on training because she doesn’t want patients dying because her team hasn’t had training. They have promised to train them. She will now go into a hellish rotation that includes 24 hour call several days a week with several days in the COVID unit. She knows she will get COVID, and will transmit it to her husband.
I am terrified. Absolutely terrified. I am living a mundane normal life compared to the absolute shit show my daughter is living. I cannot imagine. I know the best way to support her is to stay strong. To love and support her no matter what. To tell her I love her. I sent her a quick note in the box telling her how proud I am and how much I love her. I want to do more, but I am at a loss.
I want to call every person I know and collect PPE for all the healthcare workers. Harbor Freight is donating all their masks to hospitals. I told Taz to have the hospital sign up. I know others are working on this too, but I want to do more to help.
My daughter is an incredibly responsible adult. She has a kind heart, great sense of humor and is beautiful inside and out. She is a highly trained surgeon who graduated at the top of her class since high school. She graduated from a top 5 med school and is in a top 5 residency for her specialty. She is amazing. She wants kids and they had planned to start trying this Spring. She has such an incredible future in front of her. She has spent almost a decade getting the training necessary to be at the top of her field.
Please, God, keep her safe through this. I pray to you with all my heart to keep her safe. Please Lord, keep her and those other healthcare workers safe. Their selfless sacrifice is the bravest thing I have seen. Please, Lord, hear my prayer. Amen.