It appears that Taz won’t have much time to spend with me at Christmas. Probably only Christmas Day. I understand 100% why and am not upset, only disappointed. I began to question if it even made sense to spend all this money and time for such a short visit.
Then I had a flash of melodrama — what if this would be the last time I could spend with my kids at Christmas?
But it will be a very expensive trip due to traveling at a peak holiday time to a peak holiday city. Am I being a fuddy dud?
I haven’t seen Taz for almost a year. My frugal side tries to justify not going. “She’s super busy and you are broke. That money could pay down some of my debt. Have a stay-cation exploring your new neighborhood.”
The holidays are always fraught for me since my divorce. My options are to spend it with my parents or the Hunter. Neither are fun.
I didn’t spend much time with my dad and his wife when I was growing up. I like/love my dad, but he really did not parent me in any way as I grew up. I don’t feel any obligation to spend holidays with them. They spend it with my stepmom’s three sisters. I did that one year with the Hunter and it was weird. Really weird. Not what I wanted for my holiday.
The Hunter always get consumed with holiday anxiety and depression. He becomes a hot mess and really just needs to spend the time alone. Seriously, I don’t say that to be mean. I say that because he seems to prefer it.
After ruminating on this, I decided to go see Taz. This will be the first holiday my kids will have spent together since my son returned from Asia. I haven’t seen my kids together for a long, long time. Let me take the time they are offering and appreciate it and be grateful. The trip will be fun. I’ll be somewhere cold with beautiful Christmas decor and who knows, perhaps I’ll have my first White Christmas ever….yes, I have never had a white Christmas.