My business social events this week have not been fun. I hate the bar scene and both events were at noisy bars. I found myself cringing from the noise and just exhausted by it. I had two back-to-back so at the end of last night I was DONE.
The first event was one for an organization where I just became chair of an important committee. As a matter of fact, I was the last-minute hostess. I got there early, made sure it was set up, met staff, etc.
The president of the organization had decided to have the monthly board meeting at the venue prior to the event. Stupid idea. Most people elected to call in rather than show up, so we had a meeting on the cell phone in a noisy bar. Nothing meaningful could be accomplished.
This organization needs to tackle some serious shit and I was not impressed. Plus the president is talking smack about the woman I replaced and just generally did not behave in a manner befitting the leadership role she holds. Oh boy, this is gonna be a long year…
Then I had my Bro event I mentioned in my previous post. All men, few women in a sports bar for March Madness. Downtown, expensive parking — ugh. But I showed up because I was in the area and needed face time with these folks.
By the time I got home, I was cranky. Cranky that I’m surrounded by a bunch of fucking bros. Cranky about wasting time with a potential new client earlier this week who wasted about 5 hours of my precious time. Cranky that I am realizing I don’t want to do what I do any more — no matter what kind of $$ I am making. Cranky because of a conversation I had with a very good friend at the event.
That conversation concluded with: I cannot be successful alone. I know that. I have to change.
I struggled through peak rush hour traffic, which I actually didn’t mind because I had NPR and time to think. But I wasn’t fit company for anyone when I walked through the door. The Hunter was asleep in front of the TV. I kissed him and went upstairs to change. I came down and told him I was going to watch TV in bed.
I then slid into bed to savor a TV show I had taped and had been eagerly looking forward to watching. He soon came upstairs looking for attention. I paused the show. I explained that I really wanted to decompress and watch the show. He left and returned.
He wanted a massage, to get frisky, and he just generally wanted attention. I wanted to be left alone. I was quite bitchy. I mean for God’s sake — when was the last time he gave me a massage? I want to decompress and watch this fucking show. Leave me alone. My stomach hurts, I’m cranky and I don’t have any emotional energy left over for someone else at this moment.
He finally got the message and sulked off to sleep on the couch downstairs. I apologized this morning for being a bitch, but seriously — I really needed space and empathy, instead I felt like more was being demanded of me. I’m a bitch….and proud of it.
This morning we walked the Kracken and I breathed in some fresh air while watching the sun rise. I feel better. I still have shit to do and figure out, but I’m not feeling like such a bitch.