"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Where’s the Mojo?

It is hard to keep your mojo up and going.  Last week I had a migraine that lasted for days.  It would fade and then rebound, fade and rebound.  Miserable.  I haven’t slept well and have been staying up WAYYYY tooo late (2 am to 3 am anyone?).  I need to resolve this and I think the cure is exercise, which has been sadly lacking of late.

Work is winding down for the holidays but I still have things to get done before everybody shuts down.  Plus I need to make my 15 minutes of calls and today I haven’t picked up the phone yet.  I’m weighing the options of letting it go this week, then it would be next week and suddenly with the holidays I’ll be three weeks of no calls.  That’s not acceptable.  Dammit.  I have to pick up the damn phone at least through Wednesday this week.

Taz couldn’t make it down for the reunion weekend, so I felt a huge burden off my shoulders.  I have cyber shopped everyone’s gifts and I just need to return her too expensive present (unless I keep it for myself…..).  All my gift angst is resolved thankfully.

Then we have the Hunter in full holiday anxiety mode.  I woke up Friday morning with him packing his stuff and heading out to the woods.  I had my son to get off to his GF’s graduation and I wanted to enjoy the few hours we had that morning.  I couldn’t really download what was up with the Hunter.  Between my son and a very important conference call, I didn’t have time to really sit down to talk to him.

I had planned on joining him over the weekend but then the weather shifted.  I didn’t feel like driving 1-1/2 hours to camp in the rain.  I had a lovely marathon of Netflix, HBO and Amazon Prime instead.  The Hunter had his escape and I had mine.

He returned yesterday for NFL football and a few supplies.   I was at a girls Christmas brunch.   He left around noon today and won’t be back until possibly after Christmas.  He has asked me to join him.  We have more rain in the forecast, so I need to monitor that before confirming my arrival.  Another idea is for him to return, re-supply, leave his truck and we both take off on a road trip of unknown destinations.  I’m OK with that because I don’t have any better ideas for Christmas.

He is simply full of anxiety.  It oozes from him.  I don’t know what to do with him and my migraine wasn’t allowing me to do more than veg.  I think that in addition to holiday anxiety, he is anxious about his work or lack of work situation.  I asked him about his idea of getting a part-time job and he danced around that saying, “If the right job comes my way”.  All of a sudden he’s gone passive on that front which is never a good thing.  Sigh.

I love the man and want him to be happy, but we all know that happiness comes from within.  Hopefully the woods and the Kracken will work their magic on him.  I know he goes out there and gets high as a kite on beer & pot so he can numb himself.  It makes me sad that I can’t help him more.

Now I have to stop procrastinating and go make my 15 minutes of calls.  Then I have to go to my Ex’s for my son’s farewell gathering.  THAT will be something worth writing about!


Photo by DR. Alexandru STAVRICĂ on Unsplash

Comments on: "Where’s the Mojo?" (3)

  1. Children getting here in a couple of days, anxiety about the judgement they’ll pass on my house, its state, and me and my state is sky high. Then off to my Mom’s for a week with family. Bad sleep, in a bad bed, and probably difficult conversations are to be had. So not looking forward to that!
    One and a half weeks to go…
    We can do this!

    Liked by 1 person

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