This was written last week on my Thanksgiving vacation. For Day One, click here.
Today is a quieter day. Windy, a bit overcast with a sporadic light rain shower. I refuse to entertain the notion of being even the slightest bit cold, so I’m cozy with my layers topped with a lap blanket. This enables me to stay outside on the porch’s comfy sofa while breathing the clean, country air.
We are alone here. Just me, the Hunter and the Kracken. Another hunter is here, but he has a nearby girlfriend so he stays with her. They have TV, internet and central heating — who can blame him? They have popped in and out — two 20-somethings in the first phase of love. She’s adorable. He’s the handsome, quiet, military type.
Last night as I made some dinner, one of the camp owners burst into the kitchen. He surprised us both — he didn’t know I was there and I didn’t know he was dropping by. After our mutual surprise, we chatted and the Hunter arrived. I gave him the Hunter’s gift of Florida oranges and met his beautiful teenage daughter with the adorable country twang I lost many years ago. The Hunter’s camp is in a rural area close to where I grew up. These are my people.
I’ve enjoyed the quiet. Being off the grid is nice. Having an auto-reply email message excusing me is lovely. Apparently activity around the camp will pick up by the weekend as more folks show up. We’ll have to share the kitchen and bathroom. I’ll be one of maybe 2-3 women and the only non-hunter. It will be interesting.
The Hunter is so thankful I’m here. He has company, he’s not alone or bored. He confessed to me during our ride up here that he has been consumed by anxiety. I’m glad he’s talking to me about it. I wish I could wave my magic wand and fix it. I listen and offer a different perspective. Here’s an example:
The Hunter was musing out loud that maybe he was bipolar or had some mental disorder. I said no way on bipolar and explained it to him. He then said that as a kid his parents took him to a psychologist.
Back up: I said he’s gifted and that was part of his problem at school. Gifted kids oftentimes are disruptive because they are bored. He said school was hard. I said they weren’t engaging him so he could learn. Now back to the psychologist.
He said that his whole family went (parents, sister and him). He doesn’t remember how old he was but it was between 8 to 11 maybe. They stopped going to the doctor after four visits. He doesn’t know why.
I said that I knew why. I told him his mom put a stop to it because her secret would pop out. I told him that he would have told the doctor that she was beating him every day, then the doctor would have to report it and then all hell would have broken loose.
He was stunned. That gave him something solid to chew on for about 100 miles. I never excuse his mother. What she did was horrible. He was a very bright, energetic, loving kid — she didn’t understand him and I think she has some serious issues, but that’s a post for another day or not at all. Those are his demons.
On Day 2, I had a call with my business coach (OK, my phone did work and I also had limited texting, but not much). Anyway, she asked me why I’m not a Million Dollar Producer. She said I have the ability, the know-how but my mindset holds me back. I told her that I agree and I finally have the answers:
- My marriage held me back. The career had to be #3 and I had no support for my career ambitions. That’s hurt me long term.
- Business development involves interrupting which is a form of confrontation. Confrontation has terrified me due to the horrific response I would get from both my mom and my Ex. I’m slowly recovering and learning that confrontation may be awkward but it isn’t scary with normal people.
- Consistency eludes me. I’m working on small changes and small new habits to see if I can build a basic foundation.
She was impressed that I finally had figured it out. We also talked about OppA and OppB . It was a good call. I felt strong afterwards. My 2019 Business Plan is so simple I can fit it on an index card.
- Embrace my CRM and use virtually every damn feature it offers. I pay for the damn thing and it works beautifully. The more I use it, the more I will love it. When I returned, I spent part of my first day watching a few videos and getting back up to speed on it.
- Small, consistent bites of the elephant I call business development. I just need to get into the DAILY morning habit of 15 minutes of cold calls, 15 minutes of emails, 15 minutes in LinkedIn and 5-10 minutes of warm/follow up calls. Just an hour each day. Once I get that hour going consistently every day, then I’ll add 5 minutes to each category or add another hour later in the day, but for now I want to make this DAILY habit a reality for at least six months.
I want 2019 to be the year I prove to ME that I’m a Bad Ass Success. At first I thought, “I’ll show everyone”, but I realized that I need to prove it to myself. I need to prove to myself that I am a Bad Ass.
Here’s my 2019 Resolutions (sorry for those who hate resolutions, but I like goal-setting):
- Financial Security: make enough $$ to pay off all my debts and start some significant savings. $200K will suffice, thank you very much.
- Make 3 New Friends: Make some new girlfriends that I can hang out with and enjoy. The book, MFF Seeking BFF, really resonated with me. Friendships will only help to improve my mental health. I realize that I need to have a plan for this, so I’m working that into my Daily Habits.
- Get my Living Quarters Functional so said friends can visit me without me cringing. I need a sofa. I am determined to get one in January come hell or high water.
- New Job that has the collaborative environment that I have been craving.
At the end of the day, my head is getting healthier and clearer. I feel better. This week in the woods is great. I have fun books to read, business/self-improvement books to explore and plenty of great walks with a dog who lives to join me….