"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Thanks, Yogi Berra.  You are a wise Yoda of truisms.  

As I sat on the beach thinking about how I got sucker punched, I’ve also been thinking about other times I have totally misjudged situations.

I’m an optimistic romantic who always believes the best in people. Then I get screwed, hurt and betrayed. It’s happened in work, friendships and love. With my recent rapid fire series of punches, I am taking time to step back and think. My questions are:
• Who am I?
• How do people perceive me?
• How have I ended up where I currently am – struggling & unhappy?
• How come big success eludes me?
• What should I do next?
• How can I be better at my relationships – all of them? One answer is to re-read, study and implement Keith Ferrazzi’s book, Never Eat Alone, but I’m so raw right now I just don’t have it in me.

I am now 53 years old and soon to be 54. Why haven’t I figured this shit out? Why am I struggling with $$, have limited retirement funds and a 5-figure amount of debt? Why don’t I own a home? Why do I drive a cheap car? My peers do well and flash the cash. I don’t need the $3K handbag or $500 shoes. I do need stability of income with $$ in the bank.

I am thinking more and more about closing Maggie & Co and going back to work for The Man. It’s been 7 years since I worked for The Man. 7 years of learning about life outside corporate America. 7 years of learning about myself. Here’s what I have learned:
• I love being on a team. I don’t want to be the quarterback, but I do enjoy being the receiver.
• I need recognition – ignore me and I sulk, grow resentful and unhappy.
• I’m a great strategic thinker with tons of ideas. Recently I took the Clifton Strengths assessment (I strongly recommend it) and it confirmed that.
• The same assessment shows that my top strength is Positivity – folks with this strength are upbeat and can get others excited about what they are going to do. This is probably why I get myself into trouble misjudging situations at times – I only see the best in people. Sigh.

Now I have to figure out how to put these pieces together to forge a new chapter in my work life. That favorite saying of the definition of insanity – to keep doing the same thing and expecting different results is having a lot of resonance with me. I’ve been working so hard with no results. The Hunter told me that he has painfully watched me for the past 1-1/2 years push so hard and try with everything I’ve got to win new business and come up empty-handed. As he said, it’s not from a lack of trying. It’s just that my business isn’t an easy one and small firms like mine are easily crushed by the big ones.

I’ve got lots of thinking to do, but I have to remember that action begets action. I can’t sit on my butt too long because I’ve got shit to do. It’s time to make some new plans and then work those new plans. I’ve scheduled an appointment with my university’s career center. I’m scrubbing my resume. I’m researching new jobs and I’m going to reach out to some recruiters. It’s time to get my ass headed in a new direction. Oh and in the midst of all this, I need to work out a plan for and with Robin. She is my most faithful, devoted fan. I need to make sure that she lands on both her feet as well.


Photo by virginia lackinger on Unsplash


Comments on: "I don’t know what I don’t know" (3)

  1. Sending you strength from across the ocean. I wish I had a similar ease for analysing things as you have. I know you will find your way.
    I know I will find mine too. Somehow. I do work hard at it.
    I guess at least I don’t have debt to my name. Or not much of it (a few hundred maybe?). Sigh!
    It is hard, struggling with money when you just wish for a simple life. I sympathise.
    Hugs Maggie!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I am you are going through such a tough time, Maggie. This is no fun, questioning everything, doubting yourself. But you will get through it, and come out stronger on the other side. You always do. Don’t ever doubt your talents … your drive, your high energy, your intelligence and your analytical skills. You WILL get through this … yes, you WILL. Just hang in there

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks Marty! My therapist is a huge help right now in letting me know that I’m not crazy, I’m not diving into depression, encouraging me to continue planning, but also to learn how to speak up ASAP rather than letting things build up. I just need to keep chugging along.

      Liked by 1 person

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