"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

I”ve Been Thinking

How much do you compromise or give up for a relationship? That’s my current question rumbling thru my head.  After Thanksgiving, I started thinking about my relationship with the Hunter.  The pros and cons.

Pros: companionship, great sex, a man who cares and takes care of me

Cons: I’m not living where and how I want.  I mean, I’m in the house in the ‘burbs instead of a more urban townhouse in a walkable neighborhood.  I have an 80 pound dog who is ravishing my already destroyed patio furniture as I write. I have a man that I have little in common with.  He talks of hunting, guns, vehicles. I talk of articles I read, podcasts on various topics. Our mutual topics: work, the dogs, mundane day-to-day stuff.

When he was gone on an 8 day hunting trip, I fell into a pleasant routine and didn’t find myself yearning for his return.  Actually I was a little  regretful because he creates more mess for me to clean up. That was noteworthy.

Can I truly stand living alone? I was doing it before the Hunter came into my life and I had my highs and lows with it.  What would happen to him? He is financially dependent upon me.  

We aren’t on the same page about vacation ideas, his work goals, where to live, our politics, how to spend the holidays, and other assorted tropics. I like art festivals, museums, farmers markets, brunch.  He likes the woods, rednecks and hunting. I am a cat person, he isnt. Some days I feel like I have a Roommate.  

I have come to realise I’m not an easy person to live with.  I snore, I can be moody – particularly when anxious about work. I need solitude both with work and off time to read, think, write. 

You also have the Dan Savage premise that nobody is “The One” — you just take the person who is .758 and round the fuck up.  He has a point.

The Hunter knows I’m not happy with him right now.  I spent a long day with my kids, their in-laws, my Ex and his GF (very nice lady — we just said hello and then stayed at opposite ends of the crowd).  I enjoyed the day but I could see where it would have been a long, drawn out strain for him. Perhaps it was better that he didn’t join us because it enabled me to determine what I wanted to do. 

But that also leads to the question of “do I want a man who would be fine with such an event?” What would I be compromising in other relationship areas?

I don’t want to make a hasty decision.  My lease is up in May and as my BFF said — that would be the time.  Is it time? I’ve been with him 3 years. I don’t see him as the man for the rest of my days, or do I?

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Comments on: "I”ve Been Thinking" (7)

  1. I remember when he came into your life. Can’t believe it’s been three years! How are you going to make your decision?

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    • I’m continuing to write about it. One thing I’ve realized is I need to take a step back and consider the temporary insanity the holidays create in both of us. I’m also asking myself if my day-to-day is so miserable I’m willing to drop a nuclear bomb in the middle of it. Things to consider…sex is still great so that’s a plus!

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  2. 20 years ago the differences between my ex-husband and myself seemed manageable. As we aged, those differences widened the gulf between us. I am now very happy with someone who I have so much in common with–similar childhood experiences, political views etc. Because of having the same touchstones, we really get each other and can truly be ourselves with each other. As I approach turning 50, I don’t think I could stay with someone long term who was as different from me as you and the Hunter. I think the older we get the more we crave comfort and familiarity. Or at least I do. Good luck–this is hard stuff.

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  3. I think if you’re already discussing with others and making lists, you know the answer already. You’re just trying to make your peace with it

    Just my two cents worth. 😀

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  4. […] it’s time to explain the aftermath.  The Hunter was hurt and angry (rightfully so) for the full-on blindside I delivered.  We have talked about our relationship, sex life and cleared the air on a number of things inside […]

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