"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Archive for May, 2017

The Hunter Turns 50

Happy Bday HunterToday is a big day for the Hunter.  It’s his birthday, but I have made it a point to have celebrated throughout the month of May.  We took a fabulous road trip, which was too short, but so much fun.  We had a great dinner with his son, Nino, and Nino’s girlfriend over the weekend.  We hung out with my dear friends and spent a beautiful day on their boat.  It has been wonderful.  He is not big on presents, because he gets shy and thinks I have done too much for him already.  The trip was a present and he’ll be getting some much-wanted work clothes, but he isn’t getting that “Oh My” present.  It’s simply not one of our Love Languages.

In the midst of all this great stuff, he has a very dark cloud looming.  His mom has very advanced Alzheimer’s and over the weekend hospice has moved in for the final days.  That woman better not have the audacity to die on his birthday.  That is my most fervent hope.

The Hunter has a Love/Hate relationship with his mom (and his extended family) that really sheds a bright light on the man he is today.  His parents are immigrants.  Neither finished high school and they worked hard their entire lives.  His sister is about 8 years older than him and she went on to become quite successful financially.  But this is a family of very negative attitudes.  They constantly belittle and snipe at one another.

Apparently the Hunter was the runt of the litter — the youngest.  With an older sister and much older cousins, he was that super-active, sometimes annoying kid in the background.  He was a behavior problem at school at times.  His mother, according to the Hunter, beat him every day.  Yes, beat him.

Apparently the worse beating that really left him scarred was when she forgot to pick him up from baseball practice.  After waiting and waiting, the coach gave him a ride home.  She beat him until his sister finally interceded because “you made me look bad”.  Yes, this is the type of household he grew up in. She finally stopped when he turned 14 and grabbed the belt out of her hand…..

It’s interesting, from an armchair psychologist view, to see the child/mother dynamics of an abused child.  The Hunter tells many stories about his mother’s great cooking, meals she would make, her amazing domestic skills — she could sew pretty much anything.  He has many good memories of her, but then he has ugly ones too.

However, his parents always sided with his son’s mother, the Hunter’s Baby Momma, when Nino was young.  They never defended him, only blamed him.  Now obviously I am hearing only one side of the story, but….  hopefully you are getting a picture here.

In any case, the Hunter had to spend a very long afternoon with the family as they all paid their last respects to his mom.  The mom who beat him.  The mom who years later denied ever touching him.  The mom who never defended him and only berated him.  He is paying his respects with a family that he refuses to spend holidays with.  One that continues to belittle him and not support him.  It’s difficult and complicated. Actually, as I was wrapping up this post, he walked in with an old photo album he brought back from her house and we spent about 45 minutes looking at his childhood photos.  It was lovely and he enjoyed the memories.

But, the Hunter is worried that his mom’s death will send him spiraling into a depression — it happened before, after another death which ended up destroying his marriage.  I can’t do much for him except listen and love him.  I feel his pain and conflicted feelings.

He wants to have a family for the holidays, so I have told him that we have our children and, in the future, their children plus friends that we love.  I told him that we will create our own family.

That bitch better not die today.  It’s the Hunter’s special day, not hers.

We are Off to the Races

Lots of good things are happening in my work world and thankfully it is translating into cold, hard cash. I just sent out three invoices last week and have several more teed up in the next two weeks. Cash flow has finally started and none-too-soon. OK, it isn’t a river of dollars, but it’s a steady stream that will keep us going as things continue to build.

My bestest, favorite client is in town next week and asked me to lunch. It’s been 6 months since I left the old firm, so I am wondering what they have on their mind. I had started pinging them gently about once a month or so with info on this and that. I invited them to an industry event and since they weren’t in town that resulted in the lunch invitation. I keep telling myself not to get my hopes up, but since I am ever the optimist, I can’t help but hope. They have some future staffing changes and my former firm hasn’t made any headway, so perhaps they are ready to jump ship. This would be a great account for Robin and she is willing to give it a shot.

My client who followed me to Maggie & Co is about to wrap things up, so by June I’ll be done with them. It’s bittersweet, but it has also lead to the possibility of something bigger with a related frenemy of theirs. Right now the frenemy handles things in-house, so we will have to see if they are willing to out-source. The timing is right and they have asked Maggie & Co to pitch along with only one other competitor. I have a chance, so I look at the elephants on my Vision Board and tell myself I can win this business.

I did something very bold and completely outside my comfort zone this week for work. It didn’t pan out, but I was proud of myself for really putting myself out there. It’s a long game, so I just have to go back to basics and keep on trying.

Right now I have four elephants in my sights. They are all different sizes, but that’s fine. I just need one of them to give me the cushion of more time. I feel good. I am taking a course over the summer to address my greatest business development fear – cold calling. I find myself so busy that I hardly have time in front of the computer or in the office. That’s both good and bad. I need to make sure I’m getting the basics covered.

The Hunter and I are headed off on a road trip next week. We are headed to a remote place we have never visited. Rest, relaxation and exploration – I can’t wait. It should be lovely.

Mother’s Day – Bah Humbug

mothers-day-throw-up

I am slowly cleaning my house today and once again it sends me into a meditative funk – LOL. My future housekeeper may be more about mental health than actual housework! In any case, I was thinking about Mother’s Days past and how I slowly came to realize that the day had very little to do with my desires and it was all about everyone showing how much they celebrate and appreciate moms.

Here is the lesson to all moms of babies and very young children – insist, absolutely insist, that YOU define how Mother’s Day will be celebrated.

My first Mother’s Day was about 3 weeks after Taz was born. My Ex is one of 4 kids and we were the first to have a child. They arranged and insisted a brunch at TGI Fridays which was relatively close to home. What a cluster fuck.

I was a breast-feeding, over-whelmed, first-time mom in an age where breast-feeding in public was still pretty taboo. Brunch on Mother’s Day is restaurant hell and the 2-hour lunch was difficult. I hadn’t learned to just hand off the baby to anyone willing to hold her – I thought she was my responsibility and that I should be able to handle the situation. Plus Taz had undiagnosed reflux at that point so she was a hot mess. It wasn’t much fun and alcohol couldn’t smooth the rough edges because of the breast-feeding (I needed copious amounts and one mimosa wasn’t going to do that).

From then on it was a series of Mother’s Days that included brunches, pool parties at my house, outings to where my Ex decided would be fun for the family (boating, beach – not too bad), movies, nice meals, etc. When I was asked for my input, it was routinely pushed aside. I was given flowers – I don’t really care for flowers because they are over-priced and short-lived with my black thumb. If I asked for what I truly wanted: a day away from my responsibilities, alone at a spa – I was deemed selfish and unappreciative.

Interestingly enough, when my no-nonsense sister-in-law had her son about four years later, she attended one Mother’s Day brunch and was done. Too much work, she stated, and from then on she spent the day just with her mom doing something special. Smart woman – I should have followed her lead.

Now, of course, I had some lovely moments. My kids showered me with their version of the absolute best gifts a mom could want: a Lion King coffee mug (I used it this morning with a smile on my face), homemade gifts that made me feel special, lovely cards and the most precious gift of all – their time and love.

I’ll be spending Mother’s Day with my son and the Hunter. They have asked what I wanted to do and I want to spend it at the beach. I anticipate a call from Taz, who has over-scheduled the hell out of her next 30 days (don’t even ask, it’s dizzying), and the day will be low-key and mellow. Just the way I always wanted it…..

By the way, I’m not the only one hating Mother’s Days. As I read some essays from others who are in the “I Hate Mother’s Day” camp, they brought up some excellent points about how this day causes people pain. Pain from lost mom, abusive moms, lost children, the list goes on. Here are some great essays backing me up on this:

Fellow Ranting Moms:

http://www.momtastic.com/parenting/526033-ill-just-say-hate-mothers-day/

http://www.bluntmoms.com/i-hate-mothers-day/

Here are some compassionate folks thinking of others (I really need to work on my empathy)

http://www.palmbeachpost.com/lifestyles/mother-confession-why-hate-mother-day/H7yh8oVRwBfBEtj4EwRd7L/

http://forward.com/opinion/spirituality/371609/why-i-hate-mothers-day-and-why-all-women-should-hate-it-too/\

Crazy Week

crazy meme

The past week was crazy.  Crazy people, crazy events, crazy busy — just crazy.  I kept asking the Hunter if it was a full moon because it sure felt like one.  The great news is that many of the things I was bitching about two weeks ago are being resolved.

The car situation has been successfully resolved.  I got the leased car inspected and it will be turned in momentarily.  A new car has been purchased and I really like it.  I am still working on quashing my snobby “is-it-good-enough” inner voice, but it drives great and I have always wanted a compact SUV, so I am just telling that voice to shut up.  It has all the bells and whistles I like (rear camera, blind spot, bluetooth, etc.) so who cares who the manufacturer is?  I paid exactly within my budget and my payments are exactly what I wanted.  I got my preferred color and it feels great to drive.  As I rack up the miles on it, I won’t worry so much about the cost of the car. Whew!  Problem resolved.

I had a couple of projects right at the finish line (a.k.a ready for a paycheck) and they took a quick unexpected detour.  Sigh.  We have gotten them back on track, but that set us back a week or so.  Robin and I just sigh and talk about drinking….

The Kracken has been neutered (thank you, sweet Jesus) and we are already seeing a calmer dog.  Now that he is neutered, he can go to doggie day care which is fabulous.  He had is his first visit and came home happy and (more importantly) exhausted.  The Hunter was ready to get rid of him, but I asked that he be given more time.  I know, I know — I blew that golden opportunity, but I knew that the Hunter was acting in haste. The Kracken has good potential — we just need to be patient (never a strong trait of mine).

My son is home for the summer.  He came home in the midst of drama (Wildflower passing, car buying, etc.)  My Ex persuaded him to give up a low-paying job up at school to come back home to work for him and me (wish he had talked to me about that). I think my son also returned home because his girlfriend was going to be home for the summer also.  My son hated working for my Ex, so Taz and I think he just didn’t have the guts to stand up to my Ex.

My son is staying with me right now and just got the possibility of an unpaid internship with a nearby non-profit that fits in perfectly with his major.  I told him that if he wasn’t going to be paid by any of these jobs, then take the one with the non-profit.  He has an interview next week and the Ex set him up with another non-profit so hopefully he gets one of those.  He needs something on his resume that doesn’t have one of  his parents as his supervisor….

I successfully tackled and won the lease renewal on our home.  My landlord is a bitch, so I told the Hunter that we won’t win next year, so we better be ready to move.  She came by to “inspect the house”, but had no idea what she really wanted to see.  When we got into a mildly heated discussion, I asked her what outcome she wanted from it all because she was dropping into a “you said, I said” argument.  The outcome she wanted:  “I don’t know”.  Geez, you like arguing just so you can be right?  Stupid.  I finally said, “OK, it sounds like you want better communication from us.  Would you agree?”  She did, so now I send her follow up emails on work that is being done on the house.

My favorite client that kicked me to the curb when I founded Maggie & Co is back sniffing around.  I have kept the lines of communication open, sent them some information and now they want to have lunch on their next visit to town.  That’s great.  I have a new project idea to put in front of them, so I have to focus on getting an introduction to someone who won’t take my phone call, I can’t find her email and she hasn’t responded to numerous messages, voice mails and letters.  I have 10 days to reach this hussy.  She works two hours from me.  I have blocked out a day and plan to drive to her office to stage a sit-in until she or her boss sees me.  #Old School Sales.  My BFF is egging me on to do this to see if it will work.  I’ve done it in the past once and it worked.  Will I be 2-for-2?

I feel good things happening and good things in my future.  If that fave client thing would take off, it would be like winning the lottery.  I feel lucky, so wish me luck!

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