OK, Gentle Readers, this is one long bitch fest, so if you aren’t in the mood of hearing bitch, bitch, bitch, skip this and drink a glass of wine instead. I have to vent and this is the safest place.
I just need to be more patient. I just need to hang on a little bit longer as Maggie & Co climbs up the steep hill of success. I feel the momentum building. Some weeks are better than others, but I do know that I am taking consistent action and more action than many of my colleagues. It’s just that I have a short runway of time. My money is running out. Do I tap my retirement fund…again? I don’t think I’m going to have much of a choice. Sigh.
I am a bit calmer. I went to celebrate my dad’s 80th birthday. My son joined me but the Hunter opted to go hunting instead. The weekend was a lovely respite, even though the flights were hell. We made an unscheduled landing for a medical emergency. That was a first for me and we landed 2 hours late. The return was delayed 2 hours as well. Thank goodness I wasn’t on United! Anyway, the Hunter and I were apart for about four days. Four days to think and boy, he did a lot of thinking. He’s made changes to the Kracken so that nutty dog now stays outside most of the time. He will give up the dog if he needs to, but I have told him that I want the dog to stay. I see daily improvement with the dog, so once again, I just need to have patience.
My dad’s birthday weekend was great. It is really nice to be in your early 50’s and be one of the youngest people at a party. I felt young again – LOL. It was a wake-up call to see all of my family with secure, well-provided retirements as I am scrambling for everything at the moment. Sigh. But it was great to reconnect with family. It felt good.
I came home with a huge, nasty cold. I am the crankiest, bitchiest sick person on the planet. I don’t want people to even think about me much less talk to me. I huddled up on the coach as the Hunter drove 10 hours to get home from his hunting trip. He brought me soup and avoided me for fear of me snapping at him. I held my tongue, watched TV and vegged until the cold subsided.
I am in the middle of renewing the lease on this crappy house. I’m not happy about it, but I don’t have the Fuck You money to move somewhere else, so I am forced to negotiate with a landlady, who for whatever reasons, has been under my skin from Day One. I have a residential realtor friend coaching me through this and even she commented that she has never seen me dislike someone as much as my landlord. I am usually cool and calm through negotiations and I find myself writing vicious emails, holding them for a day until the anger subsides and then editing them into something businesslike.
I have to buy a car this month and I really am not looking forward to it. My lease is expiring and I’m over on miles. I know the overage will continue, so I’m forced to buy something. Yep, right when money is tight I have to come up with money for the mileage overage and a down payment. Joy. Add to the fact that there are too many choices of cars and I have been stuck, weighed down by indecision. The Hunter is helping and we have finally identified the likeliest candidate — a 1-2 year old compact SUV. Now I have to drive one and negotiate terms in the next two weeks.
With all my bitching and moaning, I have to say that I feel good things coming. I feel momentum from all my marketing efforts. I feel like I can do this. I know I can do this. I went back through records of when I switched firms and had to start again. I looked at the income stream and where it came from. The scary thing is to see how many clients bit the dust for various reasons, but it also shows me how many fish are out in the great blue sea. The Hunter’s business is picking up momentum also and he is slightly ahead of me, which is great. My earning potential far exceeds his — fact, not boasting — so I need my ship to catch the winds of success also.
I feel like Robin is discouraged. I know she is because I have my discouraged days as well. When I have them, I call someone because when I don’t have courage, I ask other people to share theirs. It has worked for me in the past and it works for me now. I try to be her courage. Even with the projects we are currently working on, the money won’t be enough to hold us for 6 months. It will hold us for 2-3 months at most. Hopefully that buys me enough time to create new opportunities. Every day I look at my Vision Board which is full of Patience, Underdog, Pushing Through, Stay Focused — you get the idea. Every day I work on business development more than anything else. That’s what will generate results.
Now I am going to the gym. I joined a cheap one because I realized that if I am going to sleep and stay sane, then I need to exercise. I’ll write something zippy and happy in a day or two. I am an Amazon. I can do this. I can do hard things. I am an amazing woman who will be successful. Yep, I need to get back to my daily affirmations.