The Hunter makes me laugh. Living with someone 24/7 is not for everyone and I completely understand why based on my former marriage. Fortunately the Hunter and I make a lot of room for each other to have the independence to do as we please. Each of us has the right to take a pass on an activity without repercussions from the other. I tend to be a homebody (typical Cancer) and can be perfectly happy with a book. The Hunter has pointed out, gently, that I don’t have any hobbies and few friends up here. He has been advocating that I do more activities. I think he does this so he doesn’t feel guilty when he goes to the woods, but also he cares about me and my well-being.
I have taken his advice to heart and have been trying a bunch of MeetUps in an attempt to cultivate new friends. I joined a book club (great), went out with a group to a movie (great movie, met one nice woman, the rest ignored us), walking group (old farts, but nice) and business networking (more fun than I was even hoping for). This has resulted in me being out and about more than usual this month. The Hunter has been supportive but slightly, ever so slightly, teasing me about having an affair. I typically invite him unless it’s a woman-only event and I am clear on where I’ll be and with whom. I think his teasing is a residual of his old controlling, insecure ways from his Pre-Maggie days.
I was getting a weird vibe from him this week. Something was ever so slightly off with him. He asked me to initiate sex more and be more assertive in bed. I tend to be an Alpha submissive. In this conversation, he reminded me that he has requested this before. Since it was post-sex and he compounded this request with another regarding my performance, I had to swallow hard and think about it in the right context. Yes, he hurt my feelings a little, but I appreciated his candor. I think taking constructive criticism is a skill in itself, so I reminded myself that he loved me and to not get all freaky about it. He also realized I was a bit hurt and scooped me up in his arms to cuddle me. The air was cleared, but the weird vibe still lingered.
Then I came home last night from a networking event. I had a couple of drinks and was feeling randy. I walked in the door, grabbed him and headed to the bedroom. We stripped off our clothes and he told me that he might not get erect. We’ll see about that! I gave him a great blow job, got him hard and he proceeded to fuck the shit out of me. He, as he so eloquently put it, “pounded the pussy” until I was begging for mercy. The bed moved about 3 feet across the wood floor. He didn’t come, but I made up for it by really enjoying it. We stretched out together and he triumphantly declared the preceding events were basically to stake his claim on me. We snuggled and the weird vibe has disappeared.
The Hunter is an interesting man. I know that it’s hard to be with an Alpha female. You have to be comfortable in your own skin first – which he is. I know that he has his moments of something (self-doubt, insecurity, anxiety – whatever you want to call it or perhaps all three on a rotating basis) because he’s so dependent on me these days. He’s dependent on me for helping create his new business, providing living expenses, plus all the aspects of our romantic relationship. We are deeply intertwined now and it’s only been three years.
As for me, I cannot imagine my life without him. I love him deeply because he allows me to be me without compromise. He loves who I am and has no desire to change me (except perhaps the hobby part). He is my biggest fan. People always look aghast that we work together in the same home office. They ask us how we make it work without driving each other crazy. The reason is simple: mutual respect and love.
But man, relationships are weird things. Always changing, always shifting, always interesting.