"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Archive for January, 2017

Back in the Saddle

I am back in the saddle at work. I am busily working on business development pursuits as well as some current projects that will yield decent pay days. Then I have the elephants. An elephaElephantnt (to me) is a business pursuit that is so crazy and outside of my normal line of work. I have three elephants right now. One is much smaller than the other two, but all three have some viability. When the Hunter asked for a probability, I gave all of them about 5% chance. The odds have risen to 25% on two. It will take a couple of months for the two big ones to play out and it involves other folks taking the lead, so there is a lot of uncertainty. I shouldn’t think about the $$ but I can’t help it because the paydays are so substantial.

Cash flow at the beginning of the year is always tight and this year is exceptionally tight.  I’ll be OK in about 30 days, but until it will be by a razor-thin margin.  I just need to work hard and stop dreaming about those elephants…..

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Ebb & Flow

The Hunter makes me laugh. Living with someone 24/7 is not for everyone and I completely understand why based on my former marriage. Fortunately the Hunter and I make a lot of room for each other to have the independence to do as we please. Each of us has the right to take a pass on an activity without repercussions from the other. I tend to be a homebody (typical Cancer) and can be perfectly happy with a book. The Hunter has pointed out, gently, that I don’t have any hobbies and few friends up here. He has been advocating that I do more activities. I think he does this so he doesn’t feel guilty when he goes to the woods, but also he cares about me and my well-being.

I have taken his advice to heart and have been trying a bunch of MeetUps in an attempt to cultivate new friends. I joined a book club (great), went out with a group to a movie (great movie, met one nice woman, the rest ignored us), walking group (old farts, but nice) and business networking (more fun than I was even hoping for). This has resulted in me being out and about more than usual this month. The Hunter has been supportive but slightly, ever so slightly, teasing me about having an affair. I typically invite him unless it’s a woman-only event and I am clear on where I’ll be and with whom. I think his teasing is a residual of his old controlling, insecure ways from his Pre-Maggie days.

I was getting a weird vibe from him this week. Something was ever so slightly off with him. He asked me to initiate sex more and be more assertive in bed. I tend to be an Alpha submissive. In this conversation, he reminded me that he has requested this before. Since it was post-sex and he compounded this request with another regarding my performance, I had to swallow hard and think about it in the right context. Yes, he hurt my feelings a little, but I appreciated his candor. I think taking constructive criticism is a skill in itself, so I reminded myself that he loved me and to not get all freaky about it. He also realized I was a bit hurt and scooped me up in his arms to cuddle me. The air was cleared, but the weird vibe still lingered.

Then I came home last night from a networking event. I had a couple of drinks and was feeling randy. I walked in the door, grabbed him and headed to the bedroom. We stripped off our clothes and he told me that he might not get erect. We’ll see about that! I gave him a great blow job, got him hard and he proceeded to fuck the shit out of me. He, as he so eloquently put it, “pounded the pussy” until I was begging for mercy. The bed moved about 3 feet across the wood floor. He didn’t come, but I made up for it by really enjoying it. We stretched out together and he triumphantly declared the preceding events were basically to stake his claim on me. We snuggled and the weird vibe has disappeared.

The Hunter is an interesting man. I know that it’s hard to be with an Alpha female. You have to be comfortable in your own skin first – which he is. I know that he has his moments of something (self-doubt, insecurity, anxiety – whatever you want to call it or perhaps all three on a rotating basis) because he’s so dependent on me these days. He’s dependent on me for helping create his new business, providing living expenses, plus all the aspects of our romantic relationship. We are deeply intertwined now and it’s only been three years.

As for me, I cannot imagine my life without him. I love him deeply because he allows me to be me without compromise. He loves who I am and has no desire to change me (except perhaps the hobby part). He is my biggest fan. People always look aghast that we work together in the same home office. They ask us how we make it work without driving each other crazy. The reason is simple: mutual respect and love.

But man, relationships are weird things. Always changing, always shifting, always interesting.

Repost – A Year of Celibacy (by choice)

Thus is an interesting article by a gay man in LA who took a break from sex – but not dating – and the lessons he learned.

My year without sex

http://wapo.st/2iNQaTd

2017 Started with a Bang

New Years Eve was low-key, but that’s fine since the Hunter and I are low-key types anyway.  We made a nice dinner, popped open some champagne and smoked some weed. I caught a nice, pleasant buzz.  We watched a movie and headed to bed right before midnight.  The Hunter had plans to go shooting with friends, so he was getting up obnoxiously early.  

We ended up having a lively and lovely New Year fuck that was fueled by the evening’s earlier indulgences.  About 2/3 of the way, my phone goes off.  I have my son, my daughter and others texting and calling to wish us a Happy New Years.  My son left a warm, loving message that truly touched my heart. It was all great, but the timing ….. well, I learned another life lesson.  Get the fucking done early to avoid interruptions.

Happy New Year!

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