Life is moving along and quite interesting right now. We have been really busy and the Hunter’s company has launched to resounding great response. He’s already been asked to submit a proposal to a huge company and has strong leads for two others. It has finally dawned on him that this new gig can be an incredible success. Duh! I knew this man had it in him and it just needed to be unleashed. We work well together and make a great team because our strengths complement one another while our weaknesses are compensated by the other.
For me, it appears my new company will launch very soon. My situation is a bit complicated and those who know my boss have advised me to lawyer up. Therefore, I’ll be meeting with my Ex on this week. He’s willing to help, I trust him and since I know he’s an asshole, why not unleash that on my soon-to-be former boss?! I’ve got a website under design, new business phone and a colleague who is just as excited and invested into the dream as me. It’s nerve-wrackingly thrilling.
Then we have the romantic relationship of me and the Hunter. It’s an interesting dynamic when you are working and living virtually 24/7 with a person. Right now he is off at a seminar and exam that has him overnight in another town. He’s been a bit distant literally and for several nights this past week he slept in the other bedroom. His claim is that I’m crowding him in our queen size bed or snoring or whatever. This situation lightly concerns me and makes me sad. I feel a waning of physical affection from him and not only from the sex. Yes, I have to realize that we are both in a stressful, intense professional phase of our lives. Yes, I have to live with the ramifications of my recent tirade about my life and that tirade has come back to bite me in the ass a bit. Yes, I know the man has test anxiety.
The Hunter’s anxiety comes out in interesting ways. He wants to know that if this new company doesn’t work, are we over? He wants to know that when the lease on this not-so-great house is up, are we over? On that one, I told him that if I wanted it over, a lease on a house wouldn’t stop me. His old jealousy rears its head and he questions me occasionally. I have nothing to hide, and since we are together so often it annoys me slightly. He asked what I have been writing on my blog and I’ve told him nothing –we are too busy. I have to remind myself that these are only symptoms of his anxiety. We all show our vulnerabilities different ways and the Hunter shows his by testing/questioning my love. I get it, I really do. I also know that working from home causes cabin fever. We both realize that and we each individually take steps to get up and out of the house several times during the week. We are also taking steps to go out with our friends separately so we have something to bring back to share with the other.
He’s taking an exam today that is huge for him. Add to the stress of the exam the fact that his eyeglasses broke right before he left town. He’s forced to wire them back together and has an old semi-broken pair for backup, but it’s miserable. That alone would freak me out. The test is for a major accreditation that will give him a lot of credibility in his consulting, so he feels the pressure. While at the conference, he’s been asked to immediately take another big exam next week for another major accreditation that he had but it lapsed (lack of money to renew it). He needs to immediately pass the second test so he can teach a course. Yes, he’s being asked to teach.
His future is blindingly bright. I know that between the two of us, we will make it a resounding success. He has asked me to help and I am grateful that he will ask for help. I told him this and he shakes his head in disbelief. Obviously he hasn’t been married to someone who was a Know-It-All. We talked about that. I told him that my Ex would spur all my suggestions and offers to help. Anyway, I find the Hunter’s new company thrilling and I love working on it with him. I love discussing the strategy of it, how to put together the proposals that have been requested, how to market the firm. I get into a beautiful work flow that is fantastic.
Then we have him not in my bed every night. He fucks me occasionally and leaves the room. No snuggles. He doesn’t smooch on me like we use to. Our physical touch isn’t what it used to be, and I miss it. I told him that I miss it. Physical Touch is one of my Love Languages. I know the man loves me. I know that he has changed his life for me. BUT, I still need the touch. I still need the morning snuggle, the hug, those things that show me that he’s attracted to me.
He tells that I hate his dog. I think that part of my rant really hurt him. I do feel bad, but with all that is going on, when the puppy is picking on the other older dog, chews up my flipflops (I’m now down two pairs), pees on the floor still – that’s chaos I don’t like right now. The Kracken is now over 30 pounds. He more than doubled his weight and size in a single month. He’s almost 5 months old and I cannot imagine how big he will grow to be. The barking gets on my nerves. But then the pup snuggles up to me and tries to woo me and love on me. I relinquish. Then he bites on me… sigh. I thought my child-rearing days were over….
So life in Maggie’s world is complicated, but isn’t life always a bit complicated? We have a lot going on. I need to remind myself to relax. Everything will work out.