Perhaps I screwed the pooch when I let loose a barrage of emotions and words last week. The Hunter has been a little distant. He is commenting on my faults and they have been sticking out more.
Just tonight we were watching Shameless and I made a critical/catty comment and the Hunter looked at me and said I shouldn’t be so critical. That stung. I was being judgmental but trying to be funny also. I asked him about it the next day and he said that it reminded him of his mom who was always critical. Ouch.
Earlier in the day I told him I was sorry that my controlling behaviors were popping up. They are sprouting everywhere and I have to bite my tongue and yet they still slip out. Sigh. It isn’t attractive. He told me that I should relax and just let things flow. He said he doesn’t really understand why I have to bite my tongue — basically he doesn’t really get my compulsion to control. Yes, control because at the end of the day that is what I am attempting.
Add to the pile that I’m not very adventurous in the sack anymore. He wants anal and I’ve lost interest in that. Regular sex is still really good, but I’m pretty vanilla these days.
Is the end in sight? Is he tolerating me because right now he needs me to launch his new business? He doesn’t snuggle with me much. Yesterday we had a great, vigorous round of sex and when he came, he got up and walked out of the room. Nary a tender moment to be had. WTF? That’s not the first time of late – as a matter of fact it’s fast becoming the new normal.
I don’t know. I am trying to reconnect and be sweet and loving. I was telling him that I appreciate his feedback on something and he said it makes the hair on his neck go up when I say things like that. I was simply trying to tell him I appreciate his candor.
Well, I need to use my words and try to figure out what’s up.