I have recovered from my meltdown last week. I unleashed that rant on the Hunter after I wrote it. I added in some extra stuff, tears and really let it all out. He took it well considering I basically said I hated the life we had together. He held it together and was actually great even though some of my thoughts pissed him off.
It appears that I am burned out in my current career. I just sat down at my desk, opened my emails and instead of being thrilled by some of the activities, I felt anxious and uninspired. Not a way to start a Monday. A good friend sent me something she read this weekend and I wanted to share it with you all.
Writing in your journal about what you really want will automatically attract circumstances that can arrange for those exact things to happen. That is why you must be very clear. They say “Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it.” To some degree this is true, but in a good way; as these things you’ve always wanted begin to appear, you may realize that some are not so important to you after all.
Your vision will begin to shift and develop into what you truly desire. In fact, your vision may change dramatically over time, so it is a good idea to consistently re-create and revise your vision in your journal. If you do so, it will always reflect what you want to attract.
Actress Salma Hayek has talked about how she wished to be a famous actress, but as she achieved success in her own country as a beloved soap opera star, she questioned whether that role was the right thing for her. Later, when she became a successful actress in Hollywood (which everyone told her she was crazy to attempt, barely speaking English at the time), she again questioned whether the dream she had achieved was what she truly wanted. Finally, she realized that her dream was not just to be a famous actress, but to contribute something she was proud of —something that would be a lasting symbol of her voice in the world. She explained how she figured this out for herself: “How do you recognize what is your true dream and what is the dream that you are dreaming for other people to love you? If you enjoy the process, it’s your dream. If you are enduring the process, just desperate for the result, it’s somebody else’s dream.”
Use your journal to make certain that the work you are doing and the life you are living, every day, in your every action, reflects your true dream, not somebody else’s.
We have made the following decision: we will spend the next 18 months to 24 months pushing forward on our new companies. At the end of it we will sit down and decide if this is what we truly want. If it isn’t, we sell everything and hit the road. Sounds far-fetched, doesn’t it? I don’t think so. I’m finding that I am clinging to this life because it’s what is expected of me. I need to figure out how to unwind my bourgeois life and live more authentically. Now its time to get back to work to make some money so I can then uncover my true passion.