I expect instant, unrealistic results. I’ve been working out religiously but haven’t changed my diet yet I am disappointed that the scale has not budged. I have been putting more energy into business development but have yet to gain a new client (I have a long sales cycle so that’s reasonable). We have a new puppy and I expect him to have manners overnight.I make long To Do lists for work and home and become frustrated when I can’t complete 1-2 weeks worth of work in a single day.I just re-wrote my business plan because I had crammed too much into it.
I’m overly optimistic and dare I say unrealistic about life and it spills over into how much I expect of myself and others with oftentimes me becoming disappointed. I have never hit my projected income goal yet every year there it is. I haven’t seen my targeted goal weight yet and I’ve been “trying” for a decade.
I tell myself just to keep putting one foot in front of the other. True, but I also need to work smarter by saying NO more often. I need to value my time more and stop taking meetings that cost me too much of my valuable work hours. I need to focus on my future but realistically. The next year is going to be tough. No vacations, few dinners out – very frugal and I am going to have to work longer hours 50-60 hour weeks.
The Hunter is helping me and doing an outstanding job doing a task I despise – cold calling. He excels at it with his beautiful deep authoritative voice and quick thinking, but I know it is wearing so I only ask for 100 dials. My client’s job for the Hunter didn’t materialize and his unemployment hasn’t begun, so he is dead broke. He doesn’t feel well today and has a colonoscopy next week, so he was moody. The puppy’s demands can sometimes stress us. Our idea for his new business seems brilliant but how long is the ramp up time? We have 2 meetings this week to pick the brains of some of my colleagues to see if our idea is as brilliant as I think.
Life is tough right now. My commute is long and when school starts in a few weeks it will become even worse. I arrive home tired and need time to decompress but that is off-putting to the Hunter. I find myself sitting in the driveway for 5-10 minutes wrapping up a call, listening to NPR and procrastinating.
My boss’ disrespect and lack of support are clearly evident even to blithely optimistic me. I am suppose to be his “partner” yet my contact info on our webpage is his phone & email. That was a slap across the face. First he didn’t tell me it was being overhauled, then I discover the contact info. I haven’t said anything – what’s the upside? He told a vendor that he wouldn’t expand a service I need because he thinks I’m just going to “dabble”. It just confirmed what I already knew– he no longer trusts me.I thought he had my back, but he only sees me as an income stream.
What have I done? I wasted my money over the past 3 years. I lost my focus and mojo which will take me 2 years or more to recover. Yes 2 years. It’s like starting from almost zero. i can do this. I have done it before and I can do hard things, but tonight I’m tired and feel defeated. The Hunter went to bed in a snit and here I sit with a worn out pup on my lap watching the convention. Even the news defeats me so I’m taking a break. I’ll write something more uplifting in a couple of days. I’m fine – just looking at the boulder I need to roll up the mountain.