Least you think that it is all sunshine and unicorns around here, the Hunter and I were in disaccord earlier this week. Apparently we always do what I want. I find that funny, but also interesting because that is one thing my Ex could never say.
After reflection on the Hunter’s claim, I decided a couple of things. First, damn right we do what I want because I spent a lifetime not doing what I wanted. That’s Maggie the Rebel, Non-Conformist speaking. Ahhh, that felt great.
Then we have gentle, loving, pleasing Maggie who says, “Surely that can’t be! I always acquiesce.”
Finally reasonable, rational Maggie emerges after a day or two and she unravels perhaps the real thread of truth in his statement. The Hunter is still learning about compromise and discussions on difficult, fraught issues.
So what the hell went on that caused this friction? I pulled a veto vote on the place he wanted to rent. I must admit that I also wasn’t fair about how I did it and I admitted such to him. Here’s the story.
We went out house searching last weekend and looked about 5 or so places. We came to the final one and it backed onto the Hunter’s beloved outdoors. He could launch a canoe and be gone. He fell in love instantly. My innate pleasing self said that this could work, but it wasn’t ideal for several reasons. It didn’t fit quite a few of the criteria we had started with. We drove away and within 30 minutes, my feet were icy cold. We got home and I kept looking for places against his wishes. Then I threw my black ball on the house.
He was upset. He struggled to keep his emotions in check and did a masterful job. He thought about it, asked me if I was too afraid to move and was that driving my veto. I explained that although the backyard opened up to the woods, the place failed several key criteria. I had the intuition that this wasn’t our place.
The Hunter sighed. I could feel the waves of frustration verging on anger radiating from him, but I was firm. Then he told me that he would give me six months and at the end he would be moving regardless. Now many of you would see that as a confrontational ultimatum, but I didn’t. I found that to be a generous, loving gesture. Remember, he is driving 120 miles round trip every day for work and he was agreeing to keep up that exhausting schedule until I felt ready. I felt he listened to me and my concerns, but he was also giving me his boundaries/limits. He wasn’t going to let me walk all over him.
The next day wasn’t a good day. He wanted to look at cars due to his commuting situation and I wanted to go to a barbecue festival first. He was miserable and wouldn’t eat. I wanted this to be a fun date outing, so I immediately agreed to leave. Nobody wants a grouchy date. He dropped me off at home and took off car shopping alone. I know that he was pissed off at me and I was not being the gentle, submissive Maggie that he expects, but I was OK with that.
I wasn’t mad and knew he needs some room to think, but I also wasn’t going to sit at home all day because it was Sunday Funday dammit! I jumped in my car and drove towards the Hunter’s new job location. I wanted to feel the distance so I could more readily relate. On the way, I stopped to check out a house I found the night before. This house is 15 minutes from his job, but an hour away from my clients. It is perfect.
The owner is perfect. She and I hit it off. I came home triumphant because this was perfect and fit all of our criteria except one – price. It was a bit more than we wanted to pay, but it was still reasonable. I showed the Hunter and he reluctantly agreed it was beautiful. It sits on the water and has a fruit tree. He sighed because he knew that resistance was futile. Then I told him that the next door neighbor also hunts. He said, “Dammit, you just had to find the perfect place, didn’t you?”
So the lease is signed, the deposit is made yet the Hunter still hasn’t seen it. Partially due to stubbornness and partially due to scheduling issues. He’s getting excited each day as he realize how close it is to his work, that a coworker lives nearby, that the fruit tree will be bearing fruit within a month or so of our move in, that he will have the ultimate man cave workshop in that garage. The Hunter is a good man and this has been a great test of our relationship. Let’s see how our journey continues to unfold.