"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Dear Hunter

You are coaxing me with that sexy voice of yours to step way outside my comfort zone and have a threesome. I struggle with sharing the man I love. I have been doing my homework and listening to my guide, Dan Savage, and reading about polyamory. I think I understand where you are.

It’s not about me being “not enough” for you. It’s about your nature to reach and experience. I’m beginning to understand that. I needed time to process that. I need to realize that you love me more than any other woman in the world and that your exploration is not because I have failed you or am lacking. You want to share this adventure with me, and I am grateful that you feel comfortable bringing me into your most inner longings.

What I needed, when I snapped last night, is love and reassurance. I need to know that I will always been your Number One. That no matter what happens between the sheets with others, what you and I have outside the bedroom bonds us more than anything else.

I can make room for others so long as you make me your Number One and show me that you value me above all others as your most important, primary relationship. I am insecure. I had a long sexual abyss and I lack experiences and sexual maturity. I struggle sometimes to keep up with you. But know this – I love you. You are the man for me. You listen to me, encourage me, support me and love me unconditionally. And I do the same for you.

So if you need to spread your sexual wings and explore, I am grateful that you are bringing me along. Please give me a bit more time to process, please continue to carefully outline the path you seek and in return I promise to keep an open mind and strive to embrace the change you want to introduce.

I love you, Hunter, and together we are such a supportive, loving couple. Help me help you embrace all of your sexuality and mine. Help me shed my shyness and learn what truly appeals to me. You are so lucky to know what cranks you up, please help me through that same journey so I can learn and explore my own sexuality.

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Comments on: "Dear Hunter" (10)

  1. This is a beautiful letter. I hope he gets to see it.
    I think you described everything pretty well, really. The fact that it’s you exploring alongside him, being open to let him be who he is, without your insecurities coming to ruin everything. And thus, he must hear you too, see that you are trying, but need more time and reassurance.
    I remember the first time I went to a club with The Dancer. It was a completely new experience for me and though I was seeking to do it as much as he was (I may have been the one suggesting it, I know I certainly had been looking into this even before I left the ex), I was apprehensive and I needed to know that he was there with me and was ready to drop everything if I needed to go, without making me feel guilty about it. We had a talk in the back of his car (before we had a fuck in said car), because I had to be able to voice my concerns and fears before hand, so that the experience was as good as possible for everyone.
    It was a gamble he took, taking me there. Apparently, he’d been with at least one other woman before and she hadn’t lasted 10 minutes, I think they didn’t even get to fuck together. So he knew it was a possibility.

    I just want to state something here. Polyamory is very different from having a threesome. Polyamory implies that there are feelings exchanged with the third person, as well as emotions. You may want to read some of Mrs Fever articles on this. (here is a link, I’ll leave you to explore her blog if you want, I don’t have time right now https://mrsfever.wordpress.com/categorical-conundrums/)

    What I hear the Hunter wants is a threesome. Which, as I said yesterday, is more of inviting a third person between your sheets, and they are basically a toy for you both to explore your sexuality, rather than a person to have feelings about.
    I also want to comment on the fact that third person needs to be someone you don’t have a relationship with, that you don’t know. That’s exactly what The Dancer told me about a MFM threesome. He doesn’t mind being in one (we’ve actually done it since, in a club setting), but… he doesn’t want to know the person, because I think he wouldn’t be comfortable looking them in the eye outside of that moment. He is pretty shy, really!

    So polyamory is a thing, but… don’t mix it up with a threesome 🙂
    A threesome is just you bonding as a couple with the help of a third person. That’s why I couldn’t have the sorts of experiences I had if The Dancer wasn’t around. I would never go to a club without him. At least not at the moment 😉

    Good luck figuring it all out. I am confident you will. 🙂
    XO

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh I agree that threesomes are different from polyamory. My point with the reference to polyamory is the basic concept of poly that one person cannot be expected to meet every need of another. I think that relieves some pressure from a relationship while making it complicated at the same time. I suppose it’s similar to why we have friends outside of a marriage and/or relationship — the friends bring a different energy and experience.

      I read it to the Hunter and he appreciated what I’m saying. I have to write some more right now because we had some growing pains this weekend and it was interesting how we each approached it. Are they red flags? Too soon to say, but we both had an awakening and a jolt. Our relationship has been such smooth sailing that we were surprised when we hit choppy water.

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      • Ah! Well, good luck with the choppy waters. They are worth going through if they take you to a beautiful lagoon on the other side.
        Polyamory is far from easy, that’s for sure. I am not sure how to approach it. But I’m not sure I need to, at least not right now. That’s the good part 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you. I think the choppy waters are an important part of continuing to build our relationship. We are fine, but it’s an interesting process.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Exactly. It’s like every time I have had doubts or we have had setbacks. I am thinking if everything was smooth sailings all the time, it would probably mean that either one of us isn’t speaking up. And that is never a good sign in a relationship.
        For what it’s worth, and because I realised not long ago that, as prime actors in the play, we sometimes forget things that did happen (I noticed that when re-reading my pubic hair post): it’s not the first time you’ve been in choppy waters. I remember when he tried to get clean to look for a job, or at least when you felt he was dependent and didn’t quite like that idea… It didn’t feel like smooth sailings from that side of the screen, seeing your side of it at least.
        All this to say: maybe we are even more sensible to the choppy waters because that was the norm in our former relationships, and to have them happen only once in a long while makes us feel like the whole relationship is smooth sailings. It’s not necessarily the case, it’s just a matter of being with someone who is true to themselves and also allows us to be true to ourselves. We can have a different approach on some things, but… we are able to listen to the other one and work through it. I don’t want to impose my feelings on you, but I know that this is so novel for me, it still surprises me. I haev no doubt that you will get through these choppy waters, because I think both of you want to get there together.
        XO

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thanks, Dawn!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. That is exactly how I felt with Bobby – make me always feel like number one and I don’t see a problem. Dawn gave really good advice in her first reply in an older post – make sure you discuss boundaries, have a signal and be sure to follow through with after care.

    And “stop” is perfectly acceptable at any time,

    Mostly, enjoy and try and get out of your head – that’s the hardest part.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Your letter is well written so that it clearly expresses what you would like in the relationship. For me it would spell out for me what I would need to think about the relationship in the first place before going on to a threesome.

    Liked by 1 person

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