"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Little Lies

Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies
(Tell me lies, tell me, tell me lies)
Oh, no, no you can’t disguise
(You can’t disguise, no you can’t disguise)
Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies

Fleetwood Mac

I promised you the story about how I caused some pre-wedding drama between the Ex, Taz and the now In-Laws. Right before the wedding, I made a whirlwind visit to Taz’s city because she was getting an amazing award and she wanted me and the Ex there. My daughter is incredible and this achievement is an incredible honor. It was a lovely ceremony, lively reception and then off to dinner with Taz, Hubby-to-Be (H2B), In-Laws and Ex.  

Taz had told me something prior to the trip that wasn’t sitting well with me. The Ex was suggesting/encouraging the Happy Couple to go ahead and get married at the courthouse when they went to get their marriage license. The reason was so his law partner wouldn’t have to bring her notary seal to the ceremony to properly witness the marriage license. Taz said they wouldn’t tell anyone they had really gotten married two days prior to the wedding. 

Well, apparently this was bothering my subconscious more than I realized and it bubbled out of me during dinner as we discussed wedding logistics. H2B was telling his mom that he was jonesing for a particular restaurant that he wanted to hit for lunch upon his arrival in my fair city. Taz was reminding him that they had to go together to get the marriage license. I spoke up and said something to the effect that if they were getting married at the courthouse, I wanted to be there. That, my friends, stopped the show and all civilized hell broke loose. 

Taz sent me horrific death ray looks. The MIL asked what the heck was I talking about. The Ex began explaining and the MIL had questions because obviously she couldn’t believe what she was hearing — this wedding was going to be a fake because the kids would already be married. Taz and H2B left the table because apparently H2B wasn’t up to speed on this idea and Taz was upset. It left us parents at the table unwinding this. Rather the Ex trying to provide some rational explanation for his idiotic idea. I sat back and watched.  

Then Taz returned, absolutely furious with me.  By this time the Ex had apologized and confessed that he had given the kids “bad advice”. I explained to Taz that the Ex had explained everything and admitted his mistake. Then the In-Laws left the table which freaked Taz out because she didn’t want them upset. Everyone was way too polite to really let loose and say what was on their mind, but the end result was everyone agreed that there would be no courthouse marriage. Dinner was over and the evening ended on a bit of a sour note. I felt awful for being such a killjoy but secretly happy to have aired this dirty laundry. Actually I was surprised that the In-Laws didn’t know about this. Taz had told me 4 days prior and the MIL is a divorce attorney –I assumed they knew. Anyway, I was staying with Taz and H2B which made for a bit of awkwardness when we got home. 

Taz and H2B spent about 30-45 minutes in their room. I retreated to the guest room and was prepared to call it a night. Then Taz called me down because they had made a fire. We all chatted and everyone was relaxed. Then I learned of more wedding drama — family friends were asking for plus-1’s. This created stress between Taz and H2B because he had cut cousins and friends from the guest list only to now be asked to include perfect strangers.  H2B and his kin would cut off their arm before asking for the favor of a plus-1.  Our neck of the woods apparently hasn’t read enough etiquette books to know that it’s rude to ask and ruder still to ask inside the 10-day window. We chat some more and I headed to bed only to be surprised by having Taz follow me to apologize for being mad at me. I was pleasantly surprised and relieved. 

When I returned home the next morning, I immediately called the MIL and apologized. I didn’t say what for and I guess I was apologizing for creating drama. She apologized for leaving the table and her behavior (which I had no problem with -I thought she had handled it well).  She had apparently texted Taz that night to apologize. What a class act.

Then I called my BFF and asked for a reality check. My BFF is from the same area as H2B so she was mortified with the plus-1 BS.  She was equally horrified with the courthouse marriage idea. As I told her, I got angrier as I thought about it. My damn Ex. What an asshole and here’s why:

  1. He was basically advising the Happy Couple to begin their marriage by lying to all their closest friends and family. “Come witness our exchange of vows” but the joke’s on all of you because this is just pretend. Why the fuck are we even flying in the minister? Why are we spending $50k on a wedding? There is no way that could have been kept a secret and imagine the explosion when the truth emerged? 
  2. Start your marriage with a lie so my law partner and I aren’t inconvenienced. Seriously? If that was my responsibility and I thought she was too flaky to remember the damn seal, I would have brought it or asked other guests who are notaries to bring theirs. It’s an honor, not an imposition. 
  3. The whole plus-1 situation was bubbling up from the Ex’s side. Control your damn guests and tell them NO and don’t bother Taz. She’s got enough on her plate without having to be the bad guy. YOU be the bad guy. They should know better. 

I ranted to my BFF and then got another rant with the Hunter. He plied me with wine and weed which softened my anger.  He thinks I did this on purpose and perhaps he’s right, but it wasn’t pre-mediatated. My rants did give me a whole new perspective of what Taz had been dealing with, although she later brushed it off when I later mentioned it. Perhaps I over-reacted because it’s simply my Ex being his usual douchebag self and I’m still sensitive about his shittiness. 

So Dear Readers, what are your thoughts?  Man, I am so glad I only have one Type A daughter to get married. Another would send me running for the woods. 

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Comments on: "Little Lies" (11)

  1. And aren’t you glad the wedding is over? šŸ˜‰

    Right, my thoughts are thus. Where I’m from, it’s quite normal to go to city hall to get married first (civil wedding, which is the only one recognised by law), and then go to church for the religious ceremony. It is impossible to have someone at a religious ceremony recognise a wedding, so that’s that. Everyone goes through at least the first step and then a second one (church or temple, or mosque I guess) if they want to. Sometimes there are a few days, even a few months between the two. The big difference I guess is everyone knows about it, so it’s not a big deal, and most importantly, it’s not a lie! The big reception usually takes place after the church wedding if there is one. We didn’t marry in church (his choice) but still had a good 100 guests at the wedding reception.

    Considering the way things are done in the States, I find it a bit shitty too, especially since witnessing a wedding and bringing your seal isn’t an inconvenience, as you state, but an honour.

    My father could have married us in city hall, though I didn’t know it at the time (elections were underway and he wasn’t yet abilitated to do it, or had just been elected to that rank). The fact we had our wedding in my ex’s town was quite upsetting to my dad (though as I said, it was all a bit of an unlucky schedule) as he couldn’t perform it at all, not being elected there. But he didn’t make a big deal out of it and we managed to have an OK wedding (of course I’m looking back on it with the black coloured glasses of a shitty marriage šŸ˜‰ ).

    As for the +1s… I do understand the tension it must have created. I agree with you, your ex should have been the one to tell them no, after having it quickly discussed it with your daughter, especially so close to the wedding day. I remember having to change the table placement of our guests at the last minute (I’m talking on the morning of the wedding) because guests from out of town called that morning to say they wouldn’t make it. It was a 10 hours trip. They probably could have let us know a bit earlier, don’t you think? Because things got changed at the last minute, and because we were going to be too busy with the actual wedding and a first reception for guests who weren’t coming to the dinner, we couldn’t supervise the name tag placement, and it led to a lot of confusion that night when guests tried to find their seats. Really frustrating. So yes, asking for +1 may be a thing (though a question to the ex about ‘why there was only one invitation and no +1 to start with’, to which he should have been able to answer with ‘the guest list was getting too big’), your ex asking your daughter to deal with it was a bit shitty too. I know. as I said, I was that bride having to handle all of these changes on the day of the wedding. Not fun!

    But hey, we’re not surprised here, are we? šŸ˜‰

    Glad the Hunter was able to help you find your center again. He really is a good man, isn’t he? šŸ˜€

    Liked by 2 people

    • In the post-game analysis, everything worked itself out. Thank goodness for the Day Of Wedding Coordinator who kept us on schedule, sorted out any issues and handled all the details.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. The Woman Invisble said:

    Ummm I don’t think I would have been as graceful as you were so I think you handled all of that pretty amazingly well.

    I remember when I got married and had friends ask for plus ones and being so mad that we had cut out people we would put before strangers! It’s the rudest behavior ever.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Well I’m in total agreement with BFF. Particularly this +1 thing. Not even dreamed of in my part of the world. The city hall thing? I really, really don’t see the point of that. It was a ridiculous idea. And though I know you had a particular pleasure in bringing it up (you did didn’t you!) it was a good idea. So you come out smelling like roses. And the Ex … not so much.

    Liked by 2 people

    • It did make for an interesting evening. What fascinates me is how diplomatic the in-laws are. They try to remain impartial at all times, which impresses me. I doubt I could pull that off.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. You did the right thing, and did it right. So good to hear that the Ex had some come uppance. The gall to suggest the court house wedding and the +1. At least the outcome was more in your favor, apologies and all. Your rants upon coming home helped release the whole event and all agreed.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. […] remain in the moment of this auspicious occasion and not to plan anything. That is all she said of our pre-wedding wipe-out of her award evening – that we forgot why we were there and the wedding plans overwhelmed the […]

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