So I had posted a couple of days ago how Taz friggin’ stressed me out during her recent wedding planning visit. Please don’t think that she’s a Bridezilla, because she isn’t. She listens to the the seasoned pros thoughtfully and always thanks them. It’s just close friends and families that get the brunt of her waspish tongue.
Here’s an example of her opinated, sharp voice. I was in the car (my favorite spot for a conference call) while Taz darted inside to return some overpriced cosmetic she didn’t want. My son called and I asked him if he had made arrangements to leave college a couple of days prior to Spring Break for the wedding and if he has made any plans for the remainder of his Spring Break post wedding. He said he was thinking about a road trip with his best friend, but they hadn’t come up with a direction much less a destination.
I suggested a cool, hip town that would wind them through some non-snowy areas which he has never seen. Then I said that Taz’s preschool BFF lived there and since her mom and I are still close, he could probably couch surf or at least be able to grab a shower and a meal. Taz jumps in the car and hears this part. She flipped. “No, that’s a horrible idea. She is so different now with long armpit hair and she’s a vegan chef. I can’t believe you would suggest such a crazy idea.” She ranted a few more minutes about how stupid and crazy my suggestion was. Lovely end to the call.
Now this bothered me on a multitude of levels. 1) how fucking judgemental has my daughter become? I was so sad and taken aback by this. I love a good hippie chick and this young woman has always had a gentle, artistic and kind soul. 2) it has nothing to do with Taz’s friendship or lack thereof with this chick, but my friendship with her mom. Mothers help each other out by volunteering their kid’s sofas when another is traveling. This is about the sisterhood of motherhood, not the sisterhood of long ago friends. 3) how about telling me I am wrong (and I could be wrong – I do have some over-reaching creative ideas) in a gentler, more loving way. It brought back not-so-fond memories of her dad. I guess she learned from him.
The last point is interesting now that I think about all this as I write. Towards the end of my marriage, Taz and her dad had developed a horrible habit of ganging up on me. If I made one slip, had a bad idea (in their minds), whatever it was, they would fucking tag-team harass me. They would both start jumping in my shit which a couple of times left me in silent, frustrated and saddened tears. I did speak up for myself a couple of times but it was explosions of fury and hurt which made me look overly sensitive and a bit crazy as they sat there dumbfounded at my outburst.
Least you all think poorly of my wonderful daughter, let me also tell you that she gave me two cards over the holiday full of warm, loving messages of appreciation. She told me during this last trip that she really values how I parented her and she hopes she can be as great a parent as I am. She now sees my many parenting virtues — she had realized this during her later college years, but continues to thank me on rare occasions. I am always flattered when she tells me this — and relieved that some of my lessons sunk in.
Anyway, the funny part is that my son loved the road trip idea. Let’s see if his buddy will join him. I think they will have an amazing time and I can set up a couple of safe havens for them along the way if needed. Yes, I am backing away now and will let them figure it out on their own. I have road tripped with both of them before and we had a blast. I would love to see him strike out on his own adventure.