"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

The Wedding Approaches

It has been an interesting week. Taz was here for three days for wedding planning. Man, this young woman can be tough for me to handle. She is so much like her father and it brings up some strong emotions in me at times. Before I rant, know that 70% of the time was fine. She had a couple of times when she snapped at me and I was dumbfounded because it was completely out of line. I swallowed my hurt and anger but became a bit cool. She calmed down and realized she overstepped, but the damage was done. Just like her dad. 

One interesting thing is that perhaps I have been able to be a strong positive influence on her. I like to think so. On one ride home, we talked about her high school counselor, a man that I am forever thankful for being in my daughter’s life. She has stayed in touch with him and by some weird 6 degrees of separation, he is somehow related to a dear friend of the groom. We are talking a thousand mile connection – bizarre, but I digress. 

Anyway, during Taz’s senior year of high school, she was a handful. Too smart for her own good, strong alpha personality, the rigors of all AP classes, the pressure of college application process and a host of other things in her life made her a force to be reckoned with. My Ex and Taz were clashing regularly and both expected me to resolve it. I was stuck in the middle with my Ex bitterly complaining about her, directing me to correct her and then furious when I apparently “failed”.  Taz was simply growing to hate her dad for all his controlling actions. In steps the high school counselor who wisely told Taz that her dad was never going to change — most adults don’t, so she needed to decide if she could accept her dad for who he is. He told her much more, and she listened to him. Heaven has a special place for people like that counselor. I begged him not to retire until my son graduated and fortunately my son was also able to benefit from his wisedom when I moved out of the house before my son’s senior year. 

But returning to the present, Taz really churned up some emotions in me. They weren’t all happy thoughts either. She said some really sweet and loving things but then she zapped me a couple of times. The Hunter has gently asked if I am over-reacting.  Perhaps, but I know without a doubt that she will not be my caretaker when I get old and senile. She’s too tough. She is headed for a glittering, successful career at the top of her profession. She will be a rock star and I am so proud of her. I just hope that the success doesn’t come at the sacrifice of her loved ones. 

Then after the highs and lows of Taz’s visit, I ran into a colleague at a cocktail party. She told me she ran into my Ex at the bar of her neighborhood restaurant. She told me that he’s excited for the wedding, worried about walking Taz down the stairs in her dress and then she told me that he looked so woebegone. That it is glaringly apparent that he pines for me. WTF. I told her that perhaps if he wasn’t such an asshole we would still be married. 

After I left I called a girlfriend to discuss the conversation. Why the hell did my colleague feel the need to share the conversation with me?  She could have simply told me that they ran into each other and left it at that. As I told my girlfriend, part of me wanted to tell my colleague not to have pity on my Ex because he hates her and always called her a dyke when we were married. But there was no upside for me to do that. I simply had to listen and then retreat. My Ex also talked shit about all my business colleagues. He had nothing nice to say about any of them. It always pissed me off because if he was insulting/belittling those in my trade, wasn’t he also doing the same to me?  I asked him once and he kinda of laughed and admitted that I was right — he didn’t have any respect for my work. 

In any case, it feels good to write this and get it off my chest and out of my brain.  Today I feel fabulous. I figured out some complex financial stuff, cleaned my office and flirted with the Hunter.  I broke my alcohol-free January a bit early and feel great about it. My positive affirmations are working and I see a very bright and happy future before me. I found my dress for the wedding and Taz said that it was the most beautiful dress she has ever seen me wear. Let’s leave it there – happy. 

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Comments on: "The Wedding Approaches" (10)

  1. Madeline Harper said:

    This post reminds me so much of me and my mother and I felt I was reading words written by my mom. Some mom/daughter relationships are just not easy and nurturing but I have no doubt she loves you in her own hard headed way. It took me too many years to truly appreciate my mother and her wisdom and style and grace. Hopefully Taz will learn sooner than I did.

    I have no doubt you will be a stunner the day of the wedding – congratulations on getting the most beautiful dress ever!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I really appreciate your insight in this because my relationship with my mom wasn’t particularly close. It became more strained as I got older, had kids and was busy shaping my own life –she didn’t like my independence and transition to adulthood. Towards the end of my mom’s life, I finally better understood her, me and the dynamics of our relationship. Before she died we had the chance to say everything that needed to be said – that we loved one another unconditionally. I am at peace with that. Now I’m learning how to parent adult children – it’s a whole new game.

      As for the dress, I gotta look good – the Ex, the Ex’s family, the former friends will all be there…along with the Hunter. We are using my hair stylist and her makeup artist. My stylist knows how to make me look my best and I start with a personal trainer this week. 😎😈. Better a little late than never.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. When you said your ex had no respect for your colleagues and you felt it was as if he had no respect for you… it reminded me of my ex (surprised? 😉 ).
    I am a believer. Have been forever and it won’t change. It’s not something I was taught, as I would get up by myself and walk myself to mass every Sunday, everybody still asleep at home.
    But he used to shame friends who are also believers, and would say out loud, in front of the kids, that Christians are cretins… It made him laugh. Yeah, he was an asshat!

    All this to say… I’m sorry he feels like that.
    About the colleague, think of it that way, if he is indeed pining for you, you may not need to know. But if one day you had to find out, it’s better you did through a colleague than through your ex directly, isn’t it?

    And things with Taz… I am suffering similar problems with my teens. Though I’ve noticed a lot of improvement in the past year. I’m hopeful that, as things settle in the divorce, and as they move out for their studies, things will indeed settle down with the kids too.

    Good luck with the wedding. I’m glad you found a dress to look fabulous in. Remember though: you want to look fabulous for yourself and for The Hunter. The other sob… it doesn’t matter much what they think and say, does it? What matters is that your daughter is happy that you are there 🙂

    Enjoy!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I feel great in this dress and am content with wearing it for pictures that will last forever.

      Liked by 1 person

      • This is all that counts 😀

        Liked by 1 person

      • I guess my issue this week is I was a bit taken aback by the emotions Taz churned up. I thought it was all behind me, but apparently it doesn’t take much for them to peek out. I need to listen to my daily affirmations more — I had slacked off.

        I always appreciate your thoughts and insights – thank you!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Yes, emotions have a way to remind us something isn’t quite healed yet, don’t
        they?
        I have been thinking about you a lot lately. I am going for my colposcopy tomorrow. Was wondering how you are… I know, you probably said it somewhere, but I can’t remember what the biopsies said. Can you tell my mind was a bit preoccupied too? :-/
        XO

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      • Everything came back clean as a whistle. I had my follow up check up and I had healed like a champ. They want another pap and uterine ultrasound in June just to be safe. My daughter said they use a vinegar type solution to coat the cervix. For some weird reason, if there is cancer, it lights up and is easily seen. I think you’ll be fine soon. My thoughts will be with you. Good luck!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oh Maggie, I’m so glad! I had done some research and yes, they use some diluted solution of vinegar, as it reacts with a protein (I think) secreted by cancerous cells. It makes it easier for them to spot changes in tissue.
        I’m hoping. I’m horny as can be. The Dancer unfortunately decided that we were going to follow doctor’s orders (3-4 days of no sex before the exam) to the letter. I haven’t even had the pleasure of his skin on mine and I’m getting crazy with everything else that is going on (divorce lawyer who messed up, prospects for professional development that I must fill and scan before tonight…).
        Ugh!
        Thanks for the thoughts and good wishes. You’ll probably still be asleep, but they’re appreciated 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  3. […] I had posted a couple of days ago how Taz friggin’ stressed me out during her recent wedding planning […]

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