We all lead such elaborate lives
wild ambitions in our sights
How an affair of the heart survives
days apart and hurried nights
Seems quite unbelievable to me
I don’t want to live like that
seems quite unbelievable to me
I don’t want to love like that
I just want our time to be
slower and gentler, wiser, free
The Hunter and I are rapidly approaching the one-year mark. It is interesting to see how far we have come and how comfortable we are with one another. I wouldn’t say complacent because we both try to stay interesting. I was thinking about what my list of attributes in a man was and how, in many ways, the Hunter has shown me the ones that truly matter the most.
Here are some things that fell by the wayside for me (in no particular order):
- Education – I just need a smart man, but formal education doesn’t equal smart. The Hunter is very smart, but not necessarily book-smart. I have discovered that it’s fine and if I need to stretch my brain beyond it’s limits, I’ll call my son, for example, and engage in a deep conversation with him about geopolitics or whatever.
- Money – I have realized that I can do with less and not feel deprived. The Hunter has gone to great lengths to provide for me. He got a great new job that has tremendous upward mobility and every paycheck is spent on us. He is incredibly generous and giving with what he has. I know that I out earn him and we are both OK with this. I’m feminist enough not to need a man to totally take care of me. Do I miss a great dinner out occasionally, yes, but it isn’t a big deal and once again, I don’t feel deprived. Money is going to get interesting as I enter my First Quarter Pinch. Between taxes, Taz’s wedding and an break in my pipeline, I will be tapping into my reserves heavily. I’ll need to keep using my self-discipline muscle.
- Water – this is an unusual one. I wanted a guy who loves the water – beach, boating, etc. This is the one area the Hunter and I don’t align. It isn’t really his thing. I understand and that’s fine, but I will need to make an effort to satisfy my craving for it.
It is interesting that as I reviewed this post (written at 2 am last night when it couldn’t sleep), that my list above seems trite and superficial. I think that once I got clear on the man I wanted, it was easier to recognize him. It goes back to this post which was written before the Hunter and I began dating (he was on my radar though). In that post (for those who don’t feel the need to click on it), I talk about trust and honesty. Now fast forward and here are some of the things that I now understand are incredibly important to me:
- Patience – the Hunter has the patience of a saint with me. He never yells or snaps when we are doing something together regardless of how bumble-fingered I am. He is a wonderful teacher also, but his patience is inspiring. My Ex had none and would snap frequently which kept me on a nervous edge when we tried to do things together. The Hunter is a breath of fresh air in this regard.
- Helpfulness – the Hunter is always helpful without me asking. Last weekend for my Vision Board brunch, for example, he helped set things up and made some awesome sandwiches — and he wasn’t even staying for the party. He willingly disappeared for a couple of hours. He does all sorts of things around the house. It’s lovely. I constantly am happy with all he does.
- Thoughtfulness – maybe this ties into helpfulness, but he really thinks about things that give me pleasure. For example, my Christmas present was a bike. It is a wonderful, expensive bike and the nicest one I have ever had. He wanted to make sure I got what I wanted, so he took me to four bike shops so I could try different ones. Then after our camping trip the bike needed adjustment, so he immediately took it in for its 30 day adjustment. He just bought tickets to a Valentines concert because he knows it will make me happy. He doesn’t know that I have wanted to go to this Valentines concert for years, but he just thought it would make me happy.
- Sex and snuggling- damn this man is good in bed. He keeps things spicy. I love his touch. I love when his large hands touch me so gently or not-so-gently. I love his strength. I love the smoothness of his skin, the scruff of his beard and his manly scent of tobacco, outdoors and other things. His kisses are divine and he enjoys a good snuggle.
- Listener – he is great at listening to me. He let’s me babble about my day, tell my silly stories and he really listens. I know that he is always ready to listen to me.
- Communication – I put this separate from listening because it’s about him talking to me. He calls me a couple of times during the day. He never hides things or evades me. He confronts any issue head-on. I know I can tell him anything. I love his sexy laugh and his dimples when he smiles.
I think that because we are empty-nesters and older, we both realize that great companionship is key. We truly appreciate one another and try very hard not to take the other for granted. We also know that compromise is necessary and the ability to compromise gracefully is important. The Hunter has learned and grown tremendously over the years. If I had met him any sooner, I probably would not have fallen for him. He needed to work out a few things and I needed to also. Timing is everything and out time is now. Now I need to wrap this post up because the Hunter discovered I am writing and he is bursting with curiosity, so it’s time to read this to him. Happy Sunday!