I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you wanna go,
And if you’re faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin’ till you find the window,
If it’s cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile.
But more than anything, more than anything
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you’re out there getting where you’re getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
I went camping for New Years Eve in a redux of my magical camping with the Hunter last year. Last year’s New Years Eve was our first camping foray and when we discovered that we were really interested in one another. It’s a multi-post story that begins here and continues to Part 2 . This year it was me, the Hunter and my son, who felt like a third wheel. He likes the Hunter but doesn’t like that squeamish thought of our intimacy. It is palapable and was glaringly apparent in the close confines of a campsite. He spent one night with us before bolting to spend more time with his dad. After he left, I wrote the following open letter to my son.
I know that I must puzzle you these days post-marriage. My actions speak louder than words, but I want to provide some words, some context, to my actions.
You and your sister were the focus of the most important chapter of my life -motherhood. That was a busy time of life with the plates spinning non-stop. I balanced family, work and running a house for over 20 years. That took a lot of work on all fronts: mental, physical, logistical, psychological, sociological to be successful. I like to think I was/am extremely successful with that chapter. After all, I have raised 2 incredible young adults who are very accomplished albeit in different ways. I think that is one of my biggest parenting success– recognizing and embracing the differences in my kids.
My married years were very busy and I enjoyed them for the most part. But my yearnings/daydreams were always focused on a quieter/simpler lifestyle. A cross-country road trip, walking thru Tuscany from BnB to BnB, living in a cabin like Majorie Kinnan Rawlings. I have always craved quieter moments where I can think, rest, reflect.
soughtcraved all that because we were always so busy. As we have discussed, I’m a social introvert who prefers smaller gatherings and I enjoy being alone. When I moved out and set up my new place I wanted to provide you with the same quiet sanctuary that I wanted. That’s why I don’t push for tons of activities/events. I now realize that perhaps it is too soon for that much quiet for you.
For the past 1-1/2 years I have been writing a great deal and exploring. I am living my life on my own terms. These terms may continue to change and evolve, but my life is pretty near perfect for me. The Hunter is part of why my life today is so satisfying. He is a great companion in so many ways. He wants to take care of me; treats me well, and is very in tune to my feelings. I find him to be very smart and open, although our politics are opposing and he’s not an intellectual like you.
My #1 goal in motherhood was to give you roots and unconditional love. I didn’t have either when I was growing up. I wanted both you and Taz to have the best I could provide. Mission accomplished.
Taz is moving through life in classic Alpha female, oldest child fashion. Don’t get me wrong — I mean that only in the good, positive way. She will do better than me professionally and economically and I am thrilled with her many long-term friends and other accomplishments.
You have so much life before you. The only thing I want you to know –OK, there are two things. The first is that I will always love you both unconditionally. The second is that you have infinite choices. Travel, big job, not-so-big job, exploring, learning, experiencing. Follow your heart, sometimes your mind, always your intuition. Nobody told me (or the Hunter) that life has many forks in the road and sometimes we should take the road less traveled.
I am still a mother and damn proud of it. I am trying to figure out what I should do to best mother young adults. I’m a woman who still has dreams and a small bucket list. I’m not afraid of living alone, but I realize that I love sharing my life with the Hunter. His love and companionship are precious to me.
But I feel no need or desire to “keep up with the Jones”. I feel no need to follow society’s dictates or at least those I perceive from my married days. I saw how folks reacted when I moved out and realized that it really didn’t matter. I want more outdoors in my life. I enjoyed downsizing and living with less. I enjoy cleaning my house, walking to stores and living a slower, simpler existence. I like life in the right Lane now after 30+ years in the left Lane. I want my next 30 years to have simpler pleasures, more travel, family and friends.
I just want you to know that I’m happy. I’m struggling to figure out the best way to parent you these days, so use your words and help me out once in awhile. I’ll try to remember that we need to do stuff together because that’s when we talk/interact the most. Your ideas on things to do are always welcome ….
OK, I was pleasantly stoned when I wrote that and it meanders a bit, but I like the thoughts in it. I also felt much better when a dear friend and co-worker told me, that as an adult, she still felt awkward with her dad and his long-time girlfriend. She’s a level-headed woman, so that eased my mind tremendously. I won’t give this to my son, but I’m glad to spew the thoughts.