"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

I Don’t Need No Doctor

I don’t need no doctor ’cause I know what’s ailing me
I don’t need no doctor ’cause I know what’s ailing me
Yes I do, all I need is my baby
You don’t know I’m in misery

Ray Charles

Ugh, I had the second procedure on my lady bits. A colposcopy with the doctor nipping biopsies off my cervix that are the size of a grain of rice.  My grimacing facial expressions said it all.  The great news is that my uterine biopsies have come back clean.  We are very hopeful that this round is good as well. The doctor feels confident that all is well, but we just need science to confirm his gut instinct.

My doctor is gentle and kind. I have no embarrassment bursting into tears in front of him. I did this once after my mom has died (of breast cancer) and he made the strategical error of simply asking me how I was doing. He must get that frequently because he is that rare man that doesn’t get freaked out by a tearful woman. But he is also pretty funny. 

Today I teased him about where was his GoPro camera for today’s procedure. The last procedure he had used a camera that eerily looked like one. Deadface he tells me, “we had to stop because the pictures were going viral on YouTube”.  I, of course, believe him for a split second. “Seriously?!”  He laughs and tells me he’s joking. I don’t tell him it wouldn’t be my first nude picture on the internet. 

These biopsies suck.  I am crampy afterwards and they are uncomfortable as hell.  When he is done, he puts the icing on the cake,”no sex (douching or tampons) for a week”.  I exclaim, “Wait – what?! That doesn’t work for me!”  He laughs and says “OK, how about five days?”  I reluctantly agree. Then he tells me that only women over 30 protest on the abstinence orders.  I told him I had to make up for lost time. 

I like my doctor, but I would like to see less of him. One more follow up visit to go!


Comments on: "I Don’t Need No Doctor" (8)

  1. Yeah, a week afterwards? Ugh! That would suck!
    I’m crossing fingers and toes that I don’t have to wait as long after mine!
    But I’m glad that the uterine biopsies came back clean.
    My doctor seemed pretty calm on the phone when she told me about having to do these procedures. I’m hoping that’s a good sign.
    Get better soon. I am somewhat glad that the procedure will take place on a day before one of my lowest days in terms of work. Hopefully I’m fully up and running on day D+2 :-/

    Feel better soon!

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s been over 24 hours and a very busy work day, but I feel fine. I’m tired but no pain, no after-effects. I think they say no sex just to cover their butts.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Yeah, I researched it a little. I think 3-4 days before is overkill, so I think I’ll enjoy some sort of fun with my lover, even if maybe we won’t do everything 🙂
        As for after… here they tend to say 3 days after the procedure, but I guess it depends how deep the biopsies were, how much healing needs to happen 🙂
        I may not even *need* a biopsy, for all I know. Fingers crossed 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. You’re a riot! And I’m super glad everything down there is in great working order

    Liked by 1 person

    • Haha – I didn’t mention the other interesting habit he (and all the ob/gyns in this area) have — they greet you with a quick peck on the cheek. At first, I was stunned and then realized it’s just ordinary here. But when his partner, a gorgeous 6’3″ hunk, would give me this greeting and then plop down at my other end during my pregnancies, it would give me pause. 😜. Now it just cracks me up.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. What a shame after such a sex fest. Now glow must last longer with no reprieve for a week. I am glad the lady bits are so good. Best wishes for all results to be good.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Madeline Harper said:

    Glad to hear the tests came back clean! I hate those biopsies. Have to have mine later this year once off blood thinners.

    Liked by 1 person

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