"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Letting Off Some Steam

Life is running full steam these days, but I’m not so much. I am overdue for a rant, so let’s go!

 I am disappointed that one of my new virtual hires didn’t work out and was a complete waste of time and, more importantly, money. She was an important component of my business development plan and achieved zero results, so she’s out and I have to start interviewing again. Ugh.

Then Taz is needing me for a variety of reasons. Her interviews have kicked in and I am her coach for these. I am so thrilled for her because she is really kicking ass and taking names. Her stories are funny, alarming at times, interesting and it takes time and mental energy to give her the right advice. I am honored that I am her “go to” for a lot of this. I just finished interviewing four florists for the wedding, checked on the dress and arranged the fitting, ordered a cake for the bridal shower so we can see if we want to use this person for the wedding cake, and the list goes on. My list is nothing compared to hers. 

Then we have the upcoming bridal shower. About 20 people gathering at my former brother & sister-in-law’s home. I have some of my posse attending , but the entire clan of the Ex will be the majority of the attendees. I opted to have the Hunter stay home because I cannot expect the Ex and his two brothers will behave.  A small gathering in enemy territory with flowing alcohol is a recipe for a clash. Plus the holidays caused quite a few fights between my mom, my Ex and me as I tried to balance time between her and the Ex’s family, so I have a PTSD reaction to conflict during the holidays. The Hunter is accepting of this, however, he (and I) want to make it clear that his absence is due to them. Something along the lines of “He’s not here because I knew you couldn’t be civil” is how I want to respond. Dear Readers, your thoughts are appreciated here. 

Today I have a colposcopy scheduled and I dread it. I am taking headphones so I can listen to music since this apparently will take half an hour. I didn’t sleep well and had a hilarious aniexty dream. The Hunter has a chest cold, but he is concerned and will be picking me up from the doctor. A neighbor is dropping me off.   I am grateful. He brusquely told me this morning to relax and let people help me. He’s right. 

My daily affirmations are wonderful and keep me from sinking into a funk. I need to work on my 2016 business plan and my coach has been awesome with directions, encouragement and praise. She’s amazing. I need to remember that action begets action. I need to take care of myself first and foremost. I need to let people help me. Interesting — I wrote that line twice. Hmmmm.

Last night I came home and the Hunter pounced on me saying that I looked upset. He kept asking me what was up and why I had such an angry face. I finally snapped and said something along the lines of: Why in the world should I be upset? I have a moderate (for me) amount of demanding work (always at the holidays– WTF), my daughter’s interviews and wedding demands, my kids haven’t sorted out Xmas schedules like I asked, the upcoming bridal shower and the stress of that, Christmas for which I haven’t shopped, oh and a couple of medical procedures designed to see if I have cancer. He’s right – I should just be full of sunshine. 

He was a bit abashed and toned it down immediately. I continue to think that he is a sensitive soul and thinks my bad moods directly relate to him. I appreciate his sensitivity, but he needs to accept when I say it’s not about him. So enough ranting. It’s time to get back to work and to be thankful for the many blessings in my life. I am thinking of some right now and it’s the  Hunter, my kids, and the beauty that surrounds me as I sit outside typing this. Lucky, lucky me. 

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Comments on: "Letting Off Some Steam" (16)

  1. Yes, let people help. Your stress is rising seemingly unabashed. Hunter does need to stay home because the behavior of others is unpredictable and you have already experienced that fact previously. The less said the better and stay away from the confrontations. It sounds like Hunter is on your side, he doesn’t seem to add to the stress and is helpful.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for your thoughts! I am giving myself time today to breathe and just work from the iPad. I’ve got my To Do list, but I’m skipping the crappy stuff and sticking to some of the easier tasks. But yes, I think having the Hunter stay home will prevent unnecessary drama. Deep breaths.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. A few things… I thought of you tonight: my doctor called me to let me know that my Pap smear is slightly abnormal due to some inflammation (which may be caused by a change in partners she mentioned, so I guess it’s a possibility, since I’ve had a few). She didn’t sound worried so I choose not to be either, until the colposcopy confirms I DON’T have cancer.
    I had a mammography a few months ago because I had pains… I will try to not let it get to my head! But I’m with you! Deep breaths! We’ll get through this!

    About the rest: maybe The Hunter pouncing on you and demanding you explain what is wrong… maybe it was a good way to get you to release all those things that you’re not allowed to say otherwise!

    As for the bridal shower… I would only explain to your daughter why The Hunter didn’t attend. She and her fiancé are the only ones who need to know. I wouldn’t say anything to your ex or his brothers unless they ask directly. You say you don’t like conflict… making a statement to your ex and brothers is asking for a confrontation.
    If they ask, gently respond by saying “Experience has taught me that it’s not always easy to know how people will behave, so he preferred to stay home to make sure the focus of the day can remain where it should be, on Taz”.
    Or something along those lines. I want to say: don’t name names, don’t point fingers, it’s the surest way to start a fight :-/

    I know, it’s hard to find an assertive voice without the bitchy undertone, but it’s probably what you should aim for 🙂

    Good luck! You’ll get through it! (says the woman who is still seething at her dad for demanding an answer to a sick, tired, trying to fix dinner in the rush hour before bed-time
    mom and who thus had to tell him “don’t count on me then!” I feel for you, I truly do!).

    XO

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your thoughts. My gyn surprised me and did the hysteroscopy instead. Ugh. It’s more uncomfortable than the other because he did a biopsy of my uterine wall. The good news is that he said things look fine. I saw lovely pictures of my ovarian tubes, my uterus — but now I’m on the couch remembering what nasty menstrual cramps feel like. The Hunter is plying me with tea and snuggles while teasingly asking if we could anal sex or at least a blow job. My sense of humor is intact so I must be OK. Hugs to you!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. With all you’ve got on your plate at the moment I’m surprised you aren’t eating everyone for breakfast. You’re doing just great! get through this next month and it’s all downhill coasting! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • I appreciate the vote of confidence! I need to get past February, but for now I will take surviving Christmas. I just need a great snarky comeback for the Ex and his tribe. Suggestions are welcome!

      Like

  4. Since you asked for opinions, I’ll give you mine. I wouldn’t use your daughter’s bridal shower as a place to make snarky comments to your ex and his family. While it certainly may be true that they would not behave if the Hunter was there (and they may not behave even if he isn’t there), this gathering is about your daughter – not about any differences between you and your ex’s family. If asked, I would simply say that the Hunter was unable to attend, but is looking forward to seeing everyone at the wedding (that’s assuming he is going to the wedding). And then leave it at that. Don’t respond to any assholery on their part. Be bigger and classier than that. Focus on your daughter and help make it the happy time it should be for her.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you for the reminder that it’s actually not about me -LOL! You are absolutely right. I just get tired sometimes of taking the high road. I’ll behave or at least try to, but I will stand my ground.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Jana! It’s exactly what I’d been trying to convey too… Glad you found the words to express it better than I did 🙂

      Maggie… no one is saying to not say a word. Just don’t go about shouting it from the rooftop. If they ask or make snarky remarks, stand your ground, but… don’t give them fodder 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • I am quite non-confrontational especially with my Ex (part of our dysfunctional relationship dynamics) so I have no intention of bringing it up. But I do want to be “locked and loaded” with a pithy response just in case. It’s Taz’s party, so hopefully (and rightfully) the spotlight is on the happy couple.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I do understand the need to feel prepared in case of an attack. Maybe just trust that the perfect words will come to you on the spot? I hope so for you.
        And I hope even more that you don’t need any of those words because everything will run smoothly 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Rants are ridiculously-healthy, keep ’em up!

    Liked by 1 person

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