Life is running full steam these days, but I’m not so much. I am overdue for a rant, so let’s go!
I am disappointed that one of my new virtual hires didn’t work out and was a complete waste of time and, more importantly, money. She was an important component of my business development plan and achieved zero results, so she’s out and I have to start interviewing again. Ugh.
Then Taz is needing me for a variety of reasons. Her interviews have kicked in and I am her coach for these. I am so thrilled for her because she is really kicking ass and taking names. Her stories are funny, alarming at times, interesting and it takes time and mental energy to give her the right advice. I am honored that I am her “go to” for a lot of this. I just finished interviewing four florists for the wedding, checked on the dress and arranged the fitting, ordered a cake for the bridal shower so we can see if we want to use this person for the wedding cake, and the list goes on. My list is nothing compared to hers.
Then we have the upcoming bridal shower. About 20 people gathering at my former brother & sister-in-law’s home. I have some of my posse attending , but the entire clan of the Ex will be the majority of the attendees. I opted to have the Hunter stay home because I cannot expect the Ex and his two brothers will behave. A small gathering in enemy territory with flowing alcohol is a recipe for a clash. Plus the holidays caused quite a few fights between my mom, my Ex and me as I tried to balance time between her and the Ex’s family, so I have a PTSD reaction to conflict during the holidays. The Hunter is accepting of this, however, he (and I) want to make it clear that his absence is due to them. Something along the lines of “He’s not here because I knew you couldn’t be civil” is how I want to respond. Dear Readers, your thoughts are appreciated here.
Today I have a colposcopy scheduled and I dread it. I am taking headphones so I can listen to music since this apparently will take half an hour. I didn’t sleep well and had a hilarious aniexty dream. The Hunter has a chest cold, but he is concerned and will be picking me up from the doctor. A neighbor is dropping me off. I am grateful. He brusquely told me this morning to relax and let people help me. He’s right.
My daily affirmations are wonderful and keep me from sinking into a funk. I need to work on my 2016 business plan and my coach has been awesome with directions, encouragement and praise. She’s amazing. I need to remember that action begets action. I need to take care of myself first and foremost. I need to let people help me. Interesting — I wrote that line twice. Hmmmm.
Last night I came home and the Hunter pounced on me saying that I looked upset. He kept asking me what was up and why I had such an angry face. I finally snapped and said something along the lines of: Why in the world should I be upset? I have a moderate (for me) amount of demanding work (always at the holidays– WTF), my daughter’s interviews and wedding demands, my kids haven’t sorted out Xmas schedules like I asked, the upcoming bridal shower and the stress of that, Christmas for which I haven’t shopped, oh and a couple of medical procedures designed to see if I have cancer. He’s right – I should just be full of sunshine.
He was a bit abashed and toned it down immediately. I continue to think that he is a sensitive soul and thinks my bad moods directly relate to him. I appreciate his sensitivity, but he needs to accept when I say it’s not about him. So enough ranting. It’s time to get back to work and to be thankful for the many blessings in my life. I am thinking of some right now and it’s the Hunter, my kids, and the beauty that surrounds me as I sit outside typing this. Lucky, lucky me.