Thanskgiving was lovely and we shared it with a small group of family and friends. I am accustomed to hosting a Thanksgiving of between 18-24 people during my married life, so yesterday’s total of 8 was a walk in the park for me. But I did learn a few things about myself.
First, I have high expectations of myself and how I want to present my home when entertaining. I shampooed the carpets myself (I own a carpet cleaner – great investment when you have pets and kids), I scrubbed the house from top to bottom and it is a lot of work. In the past my housekeeper would arrive on Wednesday and handle that aspect. This year I am handling it myself, but the Hunter helped and we got it done. To me, the preparation of Thanksgiving is time to scrub the house down for the holiday season.
Then I started cooking and made 90% of the food. A full menu including five desserts (2 gluten-free for my girlfriend). It was all a lot of work. By Wednesday night, I was pooped and still had to take my son out to Costco for his quarterly food run. He is headed back to college today, so our time was limited. It was actually a fun outing, but I was cranky and had to hit the sack early. The Hunter was being so sweet. He was thrilled with his first paycheck from his new job and bought me a bottle of my favorite champagne. He didn’t know it was my favorite and I was touched by his generosity.
The Hunter has now experienced me in a different mode. Not Maggie, the hard-working, but laid back woman. Instead he got Maggie, the hostess, who wants everything perfect. Yes, I have discovered I have a perfectionist streak. Over the weekend, we decided what he would be responsible for and on Sunday, as he sat down to watch some football, he looked at me quizzically. “What?”, I asked. He said, “Aren’t you going to say something about the chores?”
“No”, I replied. “I am not going to nag you. You are a 48-year-old man. You know what needs to be done and when. It’s up to you to decide how to get it all done. “. He sighed and said, “God, I love you” and relaxed and enjoyed his game. Guess what? He was stellar and got it all done — and then some.
This Thanksgiving was for me. It is the first that I have hosted since becoming single. The past two were spent alone and then going out to a fancy dinner with my girlfriend. I enjoyed the novelty of those and the relief of no longer hosting the big bashes, but I was also bitter. I hosted friends and family for about 20 years. When I separated, my counselor warned me to be prepared for ostracism, but I couldn’t fathom that all of those loved ones would turn their back on me. They did and I was hurt. I sent cards with notes to who I though were my closest friends a week before Thanksgiving telling them that I was thankful for their friendship and their kindness and love towards my children. Not even an acknowledgement. I did it more to shame them and put them on the spot. To test them to see if they truly loved me. I guess not. Not enough to check on me, particularly that first holiday.
So yesterday was my comeback. It was on my terms. It was lovely and I enjoyed having everyone over. I no longer want to host the huge gatherings and yesterday was the perfect size. I finished the day happy and content. Plus a little ganja while enjoying the beautiful evening sky relaxed me. The Hunter just left for the woods with Teacher, so I have the weekend to myself. I am thrilled. I plan on indulging myself with some movie-binging, some exercise and mischief with my toys. Last night, the Hunter and I enjoyed a delicious romp fueld by the ganja. We were quiet because the Teacher was in the guest room, but intense. I have forgotten how much I love sex when I’m high. I have more to say about me, pot and the Hunter, but for now I am thankful that I am successfully working on re-defining the holidays on my own terms.