"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Wildfire – Part 2

I had the first conversation with Taz about Wildfire and it was not pleasant.  In case you missed the story behind Wildfire, click here.  Based on my Dear Reader comments, I decided to try the honesty approach and broach the subject with her.  The conversation started out with a casual “what have you been up to” and finally I had to say it.  I told her that I had spent close to $36,000 since Wildfire went into retirement 7 years ago.  She stopped me and asked the timeframe of that amount.  When I reiterated that it was when she went to college, she dismissed the number as “inflated because you were still married.”  Oh yes, she really said that.  It just continued down that same vein.

Her response was:

  1.  She will not have the horse put down just because I “refuse to pay”
  2. That my timing couldn’t be worse due to her high stress levels with residency applications, wedding plans, etc.
  3. She is facing $300K worth of student loans, so she doesn’t understand why I am refusing to continue paying for the horse.

I responded that I knew the timing sucked and I wouldn’t bring it up if it wasn’t necessary.  I told her that due to the pending litgation and some other issues, I simply cannot afford to continue this expense.  I told her that obviously this isn’t an easy conversation for me and that I have thought long and hard about it first.  Finally I told her I could give her some time to think about it.

I called the Hunter and said one of the most painful things a parent can say.  “I don’t like my daughter.”  He responded by saying that she is being very selfish.  He asked if at any time did she thank me for all that I have done previously.  No, she is not wired to appreciate the sacrifice of others.  <<Sigh>>  I rarely get words of affirmation from her, but I know that and usually accept it.  The Hunter also commented that it’s interesting how different my kids are and that I am right — my daughter is just like my Ex and my son is like me.  Told you so.

I have decided that I will continue paying for Wildfire through the end of this year, however, as of January 1, 2016, Wildfire will be her responsibility.  I am hoping that in a few days she will have had some time to process what I am saying, and hopefully we can have another conversation so I can let her know the timing.  I hope that when she discusses this with her fiancee, she gets some clarity about the situation.  I also hope that our upcoming weekend for the MIL’s engagement party doesn’t become a shit storm.  <<Sigh>>

Doing the right thing isn’t always the easiest solution.  Shit.  This honesty crap is hard.

Wait – here’s a news flash update:

As I was wrapping up this post and about to hit Publish, Taz called me back.  Very business-like.  When do I need a decision?  I told her that I would continue paying through 2015.  She asked if she contributed, would I be able to continue paying longer.  I said yes (I think that is a very fair compromise actually).  She asked who else I have spoken to this about and I told her onlly Wildfire’s caregiver.  Taz is going to get back to me.  I love this fiancee — I feel his influence in this call.  Perhaps I did impart something good with her.  Time will tell.

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Comments on: "Wildfire – Part 2" (7)

  1. I’m sure it was hard to tell her, and the initial reaction must have been devastating. But it wil work out, I know. We’ll all keep the faith

    Liked by 2 people

  2. You did the right thing. I had about the same amount of medical school loans, but that was my choice to take on. I would never expect my parents to bear a financial burden for me just because I chose to take on a lot of debt. My parents helped me through college and the agreement was I would be on my own financially after that. I saved money for a year to buy a used car after college. It felt like an amazing accomplishment when I was able to buy it and I never took having a car for granted. You are helping your daughter to start acting like a fully independent adult. Some day she will understand.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ugh, the process is never easy. I am guessing I’ll keep paying the cell phone until she graduates – LOL. However, at her age I was fully on my own. Thanks for the kind words…

      Like

  3. You are a FAB mother and deserve to hear it on a regular basis! I also hate to say it but I would have taken the easy road out and put him down, told the lie and rolled on. I can’ think of very many people who would have kept paying that every month and not expected anything from her.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aw! thank you! I think the fiancé is talking some sense into her and once she sat back and thought about it, I am sure she understood. I wanted to take the easy way out, but my new chapter revolves around honesty, so I have to give it a chance. It usually works out better than I anticipate, so I end up pleasantly surprised. I am learning that to “assume” makes an ass of me, not you!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. […] As you, Dear Readers, know, I have been grappling with the debate of what to do about Wildflower, my daughter’s elderly horse.  He spent 9 years in retirement at a total cost of over $46,000 during that time.  If you want to read about my earlier turmoil over this, click here and here. […]

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