"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

For Part 1, click here
When the Hunter is upset with me, he leaves my bed. He won’t sleep next to me. Since one of our top love languages is physical touch, it hurts. Tonight we have a flare up and I stayed up late watching TV. He had gone out and was still angry when he returned. He went upstairs to bed. I followed about an hour & a half later. I was surprised that he wasn’t in our bed, but apparently he’s asleep on the office futon. The office door is firmly closed. It makes me sad. I am sad that we continue to have these jealous flare ups. For so long I led a life of secrets, and now I don’t hide anything from the Hunter but there are times when the truth doesn’t set me free and instead it bites me in the ass. It would have been so much easier to have lied about who I discussed my sex life with, but I refuse to lie anymore. I refuse to keep secrets. I read this blog to him and I don’t filter a single word. I never write with an inner voice asking “what will the Hunter think of this?” He hears, like you Dear Readers, the unfiltered thoughts in my mind. I process my thoughts and feelings more clearly as I set them down on paper. Oftentimes, my writings give the Hunter clarity on my thoughts, feelings and moods. But tonight it has cast doubt and angered him. He struggles to understand why I seek out this anonymous blogging world. He lives in a world of black & white where he confronts life head on. I don’t. This goes back to my childhood I suppose.
I grew up with two polar-opposites for parents. I am watching Mad Men and imagine my parents during that time. My dad has never been a great dad for kids. My mom was impulsive. In 1970, they separated when I was 6 and divorced when I was 7. My mom went back to college for the degree she wanted – not the one her parents pushed upon her. Because of my mom’s school and then career, we moved a lot. 6 towns in 10 years. I made friends easily but it got old starting over so frequently. I read a lot and played Little House on the Prairie with my Barbies. I was lonely oftentimes but books helped. I don’t exactly know where I am going with this or how it all ties into my current situation. I just know that rejection stings. His coldness burns. I struggle to have the proper empathy in this situation. I am very sorry he struggles with his jealousy. I feel bad that he doesn’t realize how much he means to me and that hurting him breaks my heart. But I also wish that he trusts me more. I know he has been burned before. I would never be unfaithful to him. He means too much to me. His jealousy may end up being our demise. Only time will tell.

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Comments on: "If You Don’t Know Me By Now – Part 2" (14)

  1. Sending you virtual hugs.
    I know the life you describe. Mine as a younger adult wasn’t exactly as sliced as yours, but having moved many times for my ex’s job, I understand the tiredness of always having to start anew and how tiring this is.
    Maybe this is something that you could explain to the Hunter? That you are not looking to start anything anew right now, because you suffered from that too much as a child? MAybe seeing that you seeking some other man’s point of view doesn’t mean you are trying to move on?
    Alos, it would help him see why it’s so easy for you to live in a ‘fantasy’ world (not that we’re fantasy, but we’re not completely real either). As a child having to filter through the tense marriage of your parents, you probably retreated often and kept to yourself. Writing this, I realise I did 😉
    And then, moving so often, it was easy seeking relief in places other than real life interactions.
    I imagine how much it hurt to see he wasn’t in your bed. I remember the need to not even touch someone when I was angry with them, so I can relate.
    I hope this all sorts itself out soon. Or rather, you both manage to work through it.
    XOXO

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Dawn. You are so right about our fantasy worlds. I never put the two together. He just needs to address his anger better. He can get mad at me and not expect drama and the world to end – that is his previous reality. I just want to respect his feelings, discuss, apologize and move on. He’s not there yet.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Hi Maggie! I love your blog and love to read about women like me who are forging new lives after ending long marriages. My current partner and I were both bloggers during our affair, before we left our marriages. We both had lots of interaction with others thru blogging. Over time we had to have honest talks and agree on boundaries that we can both be comfortable with. It sounds to me like the Hunter and you need to really understand each other’s’ needs and expectations regarding interactions with the opposite sex. If he needs boundaries that you aren’t ready to accept, it’s better if you find this out now. Clearly you both love each other very much and I’m rooting for you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you! We had a long conversation about it today. He likes my blogging and he thinks it’s good for me and our relationship. What he doesn’t like is individual conversations with men about our sex life. I get it. He is just frustrated that I struggle with understanding his expectations. Hopefully we will work through this because the good far outweighs the bad.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. My first husband was the jealous sort — that’s one of the reasons I’m not married to him anymore. It got to the point that he would accuse me of having affairs so often that I would think, “Why not just do it? I’m already paying the price for the imaginary affairs I’m supposedly having.” I will never again be with a man who is so insecure about our relationship that he feels the need to be jealous — because jealousy has NOTHING to do with me (or with you) — and has everything to do with the person who decides to feel that way. I find it disrespectful and a HUGE turn-off — you are being open and honest and he responds with anger and jealousy. I know you love Hunter and he has some great qualities — but his “expectations” are for YOU to change your behaviors and act in a way he finds more acceptable. If he has a problem with jealousy, then (I believe) he should be looking at himself — at why he finds himself feeling this way — and then find some help to work through the issue. Perhaps he would be willing — but if not, and you find yourself feeling guilty because he is jealous because of something “you did” — it’s time to re-examine the relationship (again — in my humble opinion — only you can decide how much of that sort of nonsense you are willing to put up with when weighed against Hunter’s good qualities).

    As you can tell, I’m super sensitive about things like this. I’m going to be vigilant and picky about my next relationship — and that might severely limit my opportunities — but I will never be treated in that manner again — by anyone.

    Liked by 4 people

    • I know his jealousy stems from the insecurity of his past two relationships cheating on him. I know he struggles with it. I know he can be reasoned with and he is an excellent listener.

      What I don’t know are reasonable boundaries. Apparently I missed some of those lessons during my marriage. Since I had so many secrets during my marriage, my ethics were a bit clouded. It will be an interesting conversation with my therapist this week.

      In the meantime, he has calmed down and willing to put this aside. There is a lot more to say in the aftermath of this kerfuffle. Lessons learned, feelings and emotions that were expressed by the Hunter. It’s been a very interesting couple of days.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. I knew this would happened eventually

    Like

  5. Oops wrong spelling my name is suri

    Like

  6. Because I used to read your description of him before.

    Like

    • Time will tell. At the beginning this was a wildly waving red flag, but he has taken a number of years living by himself and not getting into relationships so he can better understand himself. He continues to grow and works hard at our relationship. That’s all I can ask for now. Thanks for reading.

      Like

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