Because you can’t have your way you tell me every day
I should grow up stop acting like a child
But I, I think its you that’s got some growing to do
And honey I think its gonna take you quite a while
If you were half as smart as you think you are
The world would be a-standing at your door
But I, I won’t be there cause I no longer care and
I don’t want you around me anymore
I wrote about my daughter’s whirlwind visit to kick-start her wedding plans. It left me exhausted both physically and mentally. Perhaps exhausted is a bit strong. How about beat? One appointment that wore me out was meeting my Ex at the venue for the walk-thru with the new event coordinator. Taz, my daughter, had not seen the venue (trusting soul that she is), and we were assigned a new coordinator because our initial one is no longer with the venue. We had a lot of ground to cover at this meeting and fortunately it worked out beautifully.
First and foremost, the venue exceeded Taz’s expectations. We booked it based on a FaceTime tour for Taz and an on-site meeting with me and the Ex. You can read about that lovely experience here. The most important thing is that Taz is so excited and happy about the venue. She immediately called her fiancé and raved about it. The pictures will be stunning. She said it was a little smaller than she expected but that was great because she didn’t want it too big anyway. This venue fits her vision perfectly. I nailed it. Whew!
We mapped out a timeline with the Event Coordinator and got a lot done during our meeting. The Ex had a couple of good points but as usual he gives them with a negative slant. Then after the meeting, I suggest to Taz that we walk through one more time without the planner so Taz can see it again before leaving. The Ex then launched into his insistence that he needed to see the ENTIRE guest list. Taz has told him at least three times over the past 6 weeks that he can invite X number of people – same as me. I have already sent her my list with addresses and I could care less about seeing her entire list. He wanted the entire list because he is just that controlling. Taz told him that he won’t even know half the people on the list, so she could send it but it will make little sense to him. His approach was negative and passive aggressive. Taz gently called him out on this.
During my marriage, I was always the monkey in the middle on these situations. My Ex would hold all of his commentary for me and then expect me to transmit that bundle of shit to the kids or whoever. This time it was delightful to WALK AWAY from the conversation. I literally walked out of hearing. It was lovely.
Then I suggested that since we had a little time that we should pop over to one of the rehearsal dinner venues for a quick drink. Taz knew it but had never been inside. All three of us drive over. My Ex is driving a brand new Mercedes even though a month ago he was crying poor. Asshole. Anyway, we get to the restaurant and we are walking through. They are asking for rehearsal dinner count and I tell them 50. He exploded with the “are you insane?” and other complimentary shit. I calmly responded that I had spoken to the MIL and this was her count, not mine. Oh yeah, I reminded him, it’s HER party, not yours. Taz intervened and he quickly calmed down.
For his next performance, he continued lobbying for the rehearsal dinner and hotel block to be in his area of town. He is living in the trendy, expensive part of downtown, so he’s right that the venues for both are more exciting and perhaps walkable. Taz doesn’t want that. She likes the neighborhood of the venue because it is geared more towards locals than tourists. She pointed out to him that an empty bar is the best thing for a wedding party because it becomes THEIR bar and folks don’t get lost in the crowd. She shot down all of his ideas. It was a win for Maggie!
The other distasteful aspect that was dealt with was the topic of the “Married Friends”. Those are the good friends we had during the marriage who spent holidays and vacations with us and remained with the Ex. They were his friends more than mine, so although unpleasant, it wasn’t unexpected. If you want to read how I have been treated since we separated, you can read this example.
The next day I explained to my daughter that I was over these friends. They haven’t behaved decently to me, so I will be nice but nothing more. She kindly asked if she should not invite them and I replied, “Of course invite them. These are people who are very much a part of your childhood. They have always been kind to you. I have no problem and expect you to invite them. Just understand where I stand with them.” Then I had a little Facebook run-in with the batshit crazy 85+ year-old mother of one Married Friend. It was actually kind of funny. I posted this on my page.
I add the disclaimer that I don’t want to kill the Hunter. A girlfriend jumps in with a “Not Yet” comment and the Hunter adds a “Haha, very funny.” What does crazy grandma say? “Thought you had the best!!!” Yes, she had three exclamation points. Sigh. I let that sit and had decided just to unfriend her crazy ass with no comment. Last night as I tell the Hunter I am about to do so, he tells me vehemently to stand up to her and confront her. Not to let this sit without a comeback. OK, he is more confrontational than I am, but he was right. So I timidly posted, “Apparently not from my point of view. LOL”. The wedding politics have begun. Game on.