"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Funk

Last week I had a night where I relapsed into a funk that kept me up until 2:30 am. I had these episodes regularly during my marriage where I would do nothing really – playing mindless computer games or reading crap on FB while staying up all night. I was doing nothing of any value. I was merely feeling numb and distant. In some strange, twisted way, I enjoyed it. Sometimes I feel the need to mope and clean it out of my system.

It pissed off the Hunter. He didn’t like the garbage of my marriage entering into our life. It was not only the spat with my Ex that caused my funk. All of last week I was in a non-productive mood and accomplished very little on my To Do list.

The next day, after my evening funk and before dinner, the Hunter gave me a pep talk. It is perhaps the first true pep talk of encouragement I have received from a loved one in many years. He told me I was a strong, powerful woman.

One of my issues was that my boss hasn’t been very supportive with resources for my work. I have to repeatedly ask for the same things over and over without resolution. I keep complaining about the same issues.  Isn’t that the definition of insanity? The Hunter suggested I leave my firm and set up my own. Why am I staying with this one when I don’t get the support I need?  To be honest, my boss doesn’t need to work. He could putter with his investments and his own book of business and be perfectly happy. I make him a lot of money. The Hunter said I should either start my own firm or find something with a stable salary rather than 100% commission.

I have to admit that I have been having the same thoughts. I don’t see myself doing this job in 10 years. I need to start making other plans. I need to see what other options are out there for me.

The Hunter also told me that I need to confront my Ex head on. Put him in his place. That is easier said than done, but he is right. I do need to stop these old tired patterns of behavior. After my spat with my Ex in the parking lot, the Ex called me up the next day telling me all these things “we” needed to do – meaning me. I calmly told him that all of these things were things for my daughter to decide and do. Then when he called me over the weekend, I ignored the call. Lo and behold, I receive an email transmitting the signed contract for the venue that my daughter and I want for her wedding. Ha! Victory!  I also went ahead and un-friended the Ex on Facebook.

But I do have a lot of thinking to do. The Hunter has some ideas for a business for us to open. We would pursue some government contracts as a “woman-owned” business since they are few and far between in his area of expertise. I need to determine where and what I want to be in the next couple of years. Both of my big bonus opportunities evaporated last week, so I am back to the grind. I realize these were like a winning lottery ticket, but the disappointment, although slight, is still unavoidable.

In the meantime, I ditched cable and cancelled my gym membership since I am not going anyway. I purchased a $30 HDTV antenna from Amazon so I can get standard network TV.  I have been using the heck out of my Amazon Prime membership for both movies and exercise videos.  Between those two changes and letting my housekeeper go, I am now saving about $3,600 a year.  Wow.  That felt really, really good.  I have been looking at my spending and thanks to the Hunter, my out-of-pocket expenses have dropped dramatically.  I have some more things to adjust in my financial house, but I feel like I am making progress.

 

It’s time to step up and be an adult. No more funks allowed. I need to get to work and stop procrastinating. I am very, very lucky to have my type of career. I just need to get my mind back into the game. My vacation is coming none too soon.

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Comments on: "Funk" (17)

  1. Madeline Harper said:

    Maggie, I really love this post for so many reason! I know EXACTLY what you mean about doing something so mindless and time-sucking … I actually sometimes think to myself this offsets falling into a major depression – you just have to get it out of your system. I know sometimes I get into this funk for a few days at a time, though I do notice I do it less now that I have an x and not a husband.

    I love that Hunter gave you a pep talk…I know I have had several of these from R last summer and they made such a sincere impact on my self esteem. Sometimes you just have to hear it from someone else to believe it.

    So, I want to tell you that I think you are a fantastic role model and I love to read your blog and share in your journey. You have made such an impression on me since I started reading you and I always appreciate when you take the time to make comments on my blog. I think you are a pretty amazing woman who really has gotten her shit together!

    The job thing is tough because women are just now starting to stay in the workforce until retirement age at a more senior level. It makes it hard to switch jobs after 40’s and 50’s because it’s not common for women to be working longer and I think there is a stigma in a way. However, I also think that does open us up for new ideas and projects that may not have been tackled before and maybe the Hunter is right with a new opportunity for you! It’s great that there is even a kernel of discussion there and he is supportive of your change.

    Great job on the finances! 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    • Wow – thank you! This phase of my life is a strange and wondrous journey. If I had to tell you where I would be in 5 years, I would not have a clue at this point. I think that is part of the crazy fun of it all.

      I agree that a career transition after 50 is trickier for women. I know that younger women do better in my profession because who wants to do business with someone the same age as their mom? LOL. One thing that is rattling around in the back of my mind is training and/or coaching people in my profession.

      The Hunter’s idea is a really interesting one. It involves great risk and a bold step in a whole new direction, but it could be the answer I am looking for.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Ah, yeah, I’ve had those funks quite often. That’s what makes my ex say I am a lazy bitch. He doesn’t realise that, part of it was escaping being in bed with him and part of it was trying to reconcile the person I was told I am with the person I was. Or maybe the person I was told I wasn’t with the one I should be. This shit is exhausting!
    Whatever you decide professionally, I wish you good luck 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • OMG – you nailed the funk exactly!! I am so glad that it’s just not me!! This has been my first funk since the Hunter has entered my life. Interestingly it tied into my kerfuffle with my Ex the day before. I am soooo glad those days are behind me.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yes, I’m not surprised it happened just after that argument with your ex. What must feel nice is the Hunter’s reaction to it. When you started writing that he didn’t like it, I had the vision of how my ex would have responded to it, making me feel inadequate. Instead of that, you got a pep talk… This must feel great 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • He is really showing me a lot about myself, what a normal relationship is and how a real man treats his loved ones. I am a lucky, lucky woman.

        Liked by 2 people

      • It is a wonderful thing when we get to be reminded of that, isn’t it?
        Glad you found this man who can show you how normal men behave 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • And, as with most things, it’s rarely just us, even though we believe it (or are led to believe it by husbands who want us to feel inadequate 🙂 ).

        Liked by 1 person

      • My relationship with the Hunter has been a stunning revelation about what normal really looks like and how dysfunctional my marital relationship was. I really really love the “new normal”.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Even though my relationships, with G, the Healer or the Dancer, are nothing compared to what you have with the Hunter, I remember how I felt, discovering that things could be so very different from what I experienced in my marriage! It is indeed a nice feeling!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Yep, having him move in has been the smartest, albeit craziest move yet! He has been so good to me and for me in so many ways.

        Like

  3. Best of wishes to you, Maggie! You will succeed at whatever you do because your just that kind of determined woman.

    Liked by 1 person

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