Last week I had a night where I relapsed into a funk that kept me up until 2:30 am. I had these episodes regularly during my marriage where I would do nothing really – playing mindless computer games or reading crap on FB while staying up all night. I was doing nothing of any value. I was merely feeling numb and distant. In some strange, twisted way, I enjoyed it. Sometimes I feel the need to mope and clean it out of my system.
It pissed off the Hunter. He didn’t like the garbage of my marriage entering into our life. It was not only the spat with my Ex that caused my funk. All of last week I was in a non-productive mood and accomplished very little on my To Do list.
The next day, after my evening funk and before dinner, the Hunter gave me a pep talk. It is perhaps the first true pep talk of encouragement I have received from a loved one in many years. He told me I was a strong, powerful woman.
One of my issues was that my boss hasn’t been very supportive with resources for my work. I have to repeatedly ask for the same things over and over without resolution. I keep complaining about the same issues. Isn’t that the definition of insanity? The Hunter suggested I leave my firm and set up my own. Why am I staying with this one when I don’t get the support I need? To be honest, my boss doesn’t need to work. He could putter with his investments and his own book of business and be perfectly happy. I make him a lot of money. The Hunter said I should either start my own firm or find something with a stable salary rather than 100% commission.
I have to admit that I have been having the same thoughts. I don’t see myself doing this job in 10 years. I need to start making other plans. I need to see what other options are out there for me.
The Hunter also told me that I need to confront my Ex head on. Put him in his place. That is easier said than done, but he is right. I do need to stop these old tired patterns of behavior. After my spat with my Ex in the parking lot, the Ex called me up the next day telling me all these things “we” needed to do – meaning me. I calmly told him that all of these things were things for my daughter to decide and do. Then when he called me over the weekend, I ignored the call. Lo and behold, I receive an email transmitting the signed contract for the venue that my daughter and I want for her wedding. Ha! Victory! I also went ahead and un-friended the Ex on Facebook.
But I do have a lot of thinking to do. The Hunter has some ideas for a business for us to open. We would pursue some government contracts as a “woman-owned” business since they are few and far between in his area of expertise. I need to determine where and what I want to be in the next couple of years. Both of my big bonus opportunities evaporated last week, so I am back to the grind. I realize these were like a winning lottery ticket, but the disappointment, although slight, is still unavoidable.
In the meantime, I ditched cable and cancelled my gym membership since I am not going anyway. I purchased a $30 HDTV antenna from Amazon so I can get standard network TV. I have been using the heck out of my Amazon Prime membership for both movies and exercise videos. Between those two changes and letting my housekeeper go, I am now saving about $3,600 a year. Wow. That felt really, really good. I have been looking at my spending and thanks to the Hunter, my out-of-pocket expenses have dropped dramatically. I have some more things to adjust in my financial house, but I feel like I am making progress.
It’s time to step up and be an adult. No more funks allowed. I need to get to work and stop procrastinating. I am very, very lucky to have my type of career. I just need to get my mind back into the game. My vacation is coming none too soon.