And everyone around her
Knows that something is wrong
Sometimes the Hunter and I are out of sync. He pulls one way and I pull another. His birthday is a great example. We started fooling around at about 4:00 am and things are going hot and heavy. He gets the idea that he wants a new sex toy, so I tell him that I think my store is open 24/7. He laughs and takes off to the store. I am bemused and snuggle up under the covers to fall back asleep. I hear him come back, but he doesn’t join me in bed. The store was closed, he tells me, and he disappears downstairs. What? No more snuggling? Hmmm, but I drift back to sleep and wake up a couple of hours later.
I stroll downstairs happy and rested. I ask him why he didn’t come back to bed and he tells me that he couldn’t get back in bed because he was wide awake. I completely understand because that happens to me sometimes. My skin itches to get up and get going. I walk the dog while he makes breakfast because I tell him that I must have breakfast before any sex. I’m starving on the brink of hangry. During breakfast, I explained I needed about 2-3 hours to work, so he suggested I get it done early so we can relax later. I agree.
After breakfast, we are sitting on the patio reading and having coffee before I pull out my work. I come across the Ted talk on infidelity that I put up on the blog yesterday. OK, yes, it was a poke to him as I sat and watched it. He watched a little but wasn’t interested and dozed off. Then he went upstairs to go back to bed. I was worried I poked a little to hard so I went to check on him. He was snoring away. One of my favorite guilty pleasures is a full nap after a big breakfast. There is something decadent and lazy about crawling back into bed for a long snooze, so I was fine with this. I got my work done.
When he woke, I asked if he was OK and he was. I don’t know, I wasn’t convinced for some reason. He wasn’t convinced that I was OK when he didn’t come back to bed early in the morning. We were just out of sync. We hung out and had an early dinner. He asked me to read more of this blog but I demurred. Instead I re-read the post about our camping trip. He now wants to hear the comments, but I refused. He made a comment about me making a decision for him, but I reminded him that this was my blog. He whined a little about not having an outlet for his feelings and emotions, so I asked what he needed for that. He wants the counseling. Good answer. But I am not happy feeling like I am required to share 100% of this blog. I am selfish and it’s mine. Besides as I look over the entries for May, it’s gonna get real very fast because I had some serious thoughts about our relationship.
We grab separate showers before bed and I am thinking we are clearly going to have some great birthday sex. Instead I end up stretching and massaging his hamstring which had been causing him serious pain. He had a naked woman massaging him – we laughed about it, but after the massage we snuggled and fell asleep. Interesting. What’s going on here? I am fine with all this, but I am trying hard to not miss his non-verbal cues and in doing so I somehow convey more worry than I am feeling.
I gave up a fun Sunday outing with friends because I knew he really didn’t want to go and deep down I knew I needed the rest, but the outing would have been on the water and that always nourishes my soul. Sigh. Relationships are a lot of work sometimes.