"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Careless Whisper

I’m never going to dance again
These guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it’s easy to pretend
I know you’re not a fool
I should have known better than to cheat a friend
A wasted chance that I’ve been given
So I’m never going to dance again
The way I danced with you

Oh Time can never mend
The careless whispers of a good friend
To the heart and mind
Ignorance is kind
There’s no comfort in the truth
Pain is all you’ll find

Wham (featuring George Michael)

What have I done? Is he over-reacting? I think he is, but perhaps it is not for me to say. Our relationship is over according to the Hunter. I am stunned and disbelieving. A wise friend is counseling patience and calm. I am sitting at a restaurant drinking a glass of wine & pondering my situation. WTF happened, you ask? Good question – I am still putting the puzzle pieces together.

Last night I was out later than usual. I was at a city council meeting hoping they would approve my contract and they did. I strolled in the door happy as a jay bird. We had won that business and I scored another win earlier that day, so I was riding high. The Hunter was not.

He is sitting outside in a full blown snit. “You know what you did”. My mind was racing. I thought he had discovered this blog. Shit, I think I would have a hard time coming to terms with someone writing about me albeit anonymously.

Let me digress for a moment. The Hunter recently discovered the joys of an iPad and he had been logging onto his FB thru my app. I was a bit trepidatious since I have the WordPress app and Google Hangout on there, but I figured he wouldn’t snoop and his computer skills are minimal. Who knew FB would be my demise?

He went into my profile and found DB in my Messenger. Shit. DB is an old high school friend that I haven’t seen since high school. He and I have sexted in the past, but this came to a full stop once I got involved with the Hunter. This didn’t stop DB from sending me harmless flirty messages about watching me have sex with the Hunter, him daydreaming about me sucking his cock, etc. The Hunter said he read it all, but if he really had, he would have realized I was being s good girl. OK, good in our world. DB was sexting or flirting heavy and I was deflecting but not putting a full halt to it. The Hunter accused me of cheating. Holy shit – over some texts? Are you kidding me? It was nothing to me but harmless flirting that stroked my ego. Even DB admits that he is harmless and not going to pursue this because he has a girlfriend in real life.

The Hunter is hurting oh so bad. I think he is over-reacting but then again I am not on the receiving end of this drama. His texts today were angry and betrayed. I tried apologizing but stepped back because I really don’t think I was being horrible. What devastates me the most is that I have hurt, perhaps irrevocably, a good man who has been open, honest and caring. What a shit I am. It’s hard to realize how callous I have been.

Now it is Day Two. Last night I ran some errands so he could come home, shower and relax without having me there. When I got home he was out on the patio smoking. He had nothing to say to me. I went inside to watch a little TV but after 45 minutes, I gave up and went back outside. He told me it was over. Really over. I tried to gently argue my case but he would have nothing of it. For the second night in a row, he slept on the couch. Our weekend plans are cancelled. I cannot reach him. I am lost.

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Comments on: "Careless Whisper" (26)

  1. Oh honey I am so so sorry to hear this. If you want to reach out, please do so.

    Perhaps with a little bit of time he may come back to you. I hope he does. xoxo

    Like

    • Thank you! I have a follow up post to start. It’s not looking too good for me. Sigh. He is a proud and stubborn man. Sigh. I am trying to give him space yet let him know I am open to working things out. It’s a delicate balance.

      Like

  2. I’m so sorry to hear this Maggie. I hope everything works out for you. I think maybe you should give him some space to think things through. He has his own conclusion regarding you and DB. Good luck. x

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  3. The Woman Invisible said:

    oh no Maggie! This is awful and I am so sorry…I’m just a text away if you need me! And will jump on a plane to give hugs if needed too! Maybe just a little time…they were just text. It’s so hard to determine how another person is going to react to something we considered harmless.
    M
    x

    Like

    • Aww – thank you! I am trying to figure out what to do for this endless 3-day weekend staring me in the eye. We had made plans to go out of town but obviously that’s not going to happen. Sigh. I may just hit the road and escape. Who knows?

      Liked by 1 person

      • The Woman Invisible said:

        Yea, 3 days on a holiday weekend seems like forever when you don’t have plans… 😦

        Liked by 1 person

      • My girlfriend just offered the theory that since he is Latin, he is perhaps needing a more emotional display of my love. I am thinking a dramatic exit and heading somewhere zen for a night or two. I am liking this the more I think about it.

        Liked by 1 person

      • The Woman Invisible said:

        I am in total agreement – Latin men are hotheaded and definitely need very obvious emotional displays. They need to be made to “feel like the man” in my experience. My best friend is Cuban so I’m around it all the time.

        If you think a night away will do you both good – go with your gut. I doubt it can hurt and might just help you hit reset.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m so sorry to read this Maggie. We men are sometimes (often?) too proud and too set in our ways for our own good. I know he’s thinking about the great love he’s about to walk away from. It will be everybody’s loss. Let’s hope he will come to his senses. Leave him be to cool off and hope for the best

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  5. Obviously I only know as much about Hunter and your relationship as you put on these pages but it seems strange to me that he went from 0-60 that fast. Is it possible he was looking for an excuse? Or that there were things going on under the surface that this pulled up?

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    • He wanted us together and set s blistering pace. I was always wondering in the back of my mind that we could flame out just as quickly. He’s a stubborn, proud man. Let’s see.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. My experience with this… I don’t think I wrote about it on WP, but last summer, I had a similar situation with G. I had sent some pictures (all fully clothed, don’t go imagining too much) to another male friend while shopping. And he was awfully hurt and went away for a bit.
    I wrote him an email (which was the best means to reach him since we were in very different places, there was no talking to him directly), explaining what this had meant to me, what his reaction meant, that I didn’t want to lose him and that I was sorry I hurt his feelings (note it’s different to be sorry for hurting him rather than for the action). And then I decided to wait. There was nothing more I could do but give him space. I took every single drop of communication he gave me over the next 5 days as a sign that he was at least still communicating (going from maybe 60 emails a day to 1 every two or three days), but didn’t move in too fast either, I let him reach his decision by himself.
    I had explained the way I saw what I did, how he reacted to it, and made him aware that I would be happy if he chose for us to continue. But I wasn’t prepared to go further, it was me standing up for myself too, which was a brand new thing for me 🙂
    I also knew that this type of decision couldn’t be forced. If he was able to overlook, or at least come to terms with what had happened, then great. If not, it was going to be over.

    I’m not going to lie: I hurt like crazy for a short week. Thinking at times, like you, what a horrible person I was. And then reminding myself that I was only human and was allowed to make mistakes. It was a grueling 5 days, but he finally came around and sent me an email, we discussed it (the break) briefly that one time over the phone, and then again much later on, when we were actually together. And that was that.

    I wish I could tell you there was something you could do, but I think what you need to do is speak your truth, say you never intended to hurt him and… wait :-/

    Good luck. Hugs and healing vibes coming your way.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I have to tell you, Maggie, I’ve been a bit concerned by some posts I’ve read about you and Hunter. He seems to have a problem with jumping to conclusions, as well as jealousy and anger. And I’m concerned that you, so often, seem to be fine taking the blame for his behavior.

    Let’s look at this logically – first, Hunter was the one who invaded your privacy and snooped through your computer – after you had shown trust by allowing him access. Second, he then took offense at messages he never should have read in the first place – without even bothering to give you a chance to explain. Third, he immediately accused you of cheating and ends the relationship – no discussion, no discourse. Granted, you could have put a stop to the sexy flirting – and maybe you should have – but YOU are not responsible for Hunter’s feelings or actions. That is all on him.

    Hunter obviously has some issues, what with his jealousy (you’ve posted about that many times), the addiction to pot, the way that he tells you that you never initiate sex, when I can see by reading your blog that certainly you do (just read your “Gonna Change My Way of Thinking Post for a great example). And in most of these cases, you seem to internalize HIS problems and try to adjust your behavior to accommodate or soothe him. While I’m all for compromise in a relationship, it seems a bit one-sided from my perspective. I’m also sure he has his good points – and of course the sex seems incredible – but I’m just saying to watch for the red flags. Maybe re-read some of your past posts and make a list of the pros and cons as you do so. It might give you some insight.

    Also, you’ve been worrying about how to take a vacation when he can’t afford one — maybe now is a perfect time to take off for several days to soak up the sun!

    Liked by 2 people

    • I really appreciate your thoughtful insight. A friend suggested that his behavior is controlling and I have to agree. I never considered this a LTR, so perhaps it is time to just let this hot flame extinguish. Time will tell. He’s back home and we are chatting pleasantly. I think he’s angling for sex. We shall see, but trust me, my eyes are wide open with this one. They always have been because I have seen warning signs all along the way. I’m not ignoring them, only delaying the inevitable. Thank you again for your comments, I really appreciate them.

      Like

      • If you see it a inevitable, why delay it? That’s my first reaction when reading this reply.
        I agree with a lot Jana has said. There have been many red flags along the way. And the fact that he refuses to hear you at least doesn’t tend to prove otherwise.
        I think that, due to the way our marriages worked, we tend too often to provide excuses for our significant others (or partners, which ever one you prefer), sometimes without even realising it. I agree that feeling so strongly about how you behave is akin to trying to control your ways.
        In the case I described above, G never threatened to end the relationship because what I did was wrong, he was simply hurt and had to figure out for himself whether he was OK with me possibly continuing to have this behaviour and checking whether that changed his feelings towards me. At least that’s how it felt to me.
        It seems that it’s quite different for the Hunter, as if he’s trying to push blame and shame onto you. That’s not good.
        Good luck!

        Liked by 1 person

      • You are absolutely right! Thanks for your insight.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Well, you should know by now that I just can’t shut the f*ck up 😉
        But I guess a polite ‘You’re welcome’ would be more appropriate 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oh no – you are awesome!! I always love your thoughts.

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      • Awww, you’re too kind! XO

        Like

  8. Annie B said:

    Hugs!!!

    Like

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