"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Purple Haze

Purple Haze all in my brain,
lately things don’t seem the same,
actin’ funny but I don’t know why
‘scuse me while I kiss the sky.

Purple Haze all around,
don’t know if I’m coming up or down.
Am I happy or in misery?
Whatever it is, that girl put a spell on me.

Help me
Help me
Oh no, oh

Jimi Hendrix

As I mentioned in my last post, the Hunter has fallen off the wagon regarding his pot smoking. It put me in a bit of a conundrum. His slip-up occurred on Friday night when I was exhausted and not on my A-game to provide any type of intelligent debate or discussion on the issue. The Hunter had a tough week finding the willpower to stay off the ganga.

He began the week with no weed. His regular dealer had gotten out of the business, so he didn’t have a ready source. Within 48 hours he wanted to smoke. He had a rough day of withdrawals and we had a long conversation concerning his self-worth, his low self-esteem and confidence. The Hunter admitted that the sharpness of sobriety was hurting. He went down into a dark place, so he started looking for a new dealer. He had another clean 24 hours and I thought perhaps this interlude was behind us because he was feeling much better. The next day he found an old friend who would sell him some. Classic addict excuse: “Babe, I can’t go back on my word. You can hold onto it for me. I will only smoke it one night and you can hide the rest.”

Ugh. Really? I don’t want to be the guardian of the illicit weed. I reluctantly agreed and hid the pot. That worked for about 2 nights and then Friday came upon us, and the Hunter wanted only enough for that night. I surrendered the entire bag. He was worried about asking me. He was asking if I was judging him, if I was upset, was I disappointed. The Hunter wanted expected me to spew negativity at his lapse. Instead I told him that I was confused. I was confused because I thought he needed wanted to stop. I told him that stopping was his business and I knew it wasn’t easy, so I had no judgement only confusion. He kept that weed and finished it up 3 days later. I even took a couple of hits because, well, if you can’t beat ‘em then sometimes you might as well join ‘em.

I don’t see any upside in this situation. If he quits, that’s great but it is only to get through this job situation because he fully intends to commence smoking again when he doesn’t need to worry about a drug test. If he keeps smoking and then needs to find a new job, he will need over 40 days to get clean, so how will he earn money in that interim? He’s resourceful, but seriously? He thinks he can cut back to the weekends and lower his THC level so that he cuts his time frame to get it out of his system. That just sounds like addict excuses talk to me.

Now to further add to my confusion, he has given me the money he typically spends on pot. He plans on giving it to me every week. He wants to use it for a vacation. Hey, is he reading this blog? It makes me wonder…..

Oh and the pot he bought is called…Purple Haze

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