"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Archive for April, 2015

You Can Count on Me

You can count on me like 1, 2, 3
I’ll be there
And I know when I need it
I can count on you like 4, 3, 2
And you’ll be there
‘Cause that’s what friends are supposed to do, oh yeah
Ooooooh, oooohhh yeah, yeah

Bruno Mars

For me, one thing that stands out about the Hunter is his many, many Acts of Service (this relates to the Five Languages of Love). For example, he got up early on Sunday so he could load coolers in my car for me and then he packed up everything after the festival. He does all of the cooking and grocery shopping; he takes out the garbage and a myriad of other some chores that help me in ways big and small. My Ex never did these things without being asked. The Hunter insists and even apologizes if he misses something (like putting the garbage cans at the curb). Wow. When I read Sheryl Sandberg’s book, Lean In, she talked about having a true partner for a spouse. Although I had a big “Ah Ha” moment as I read the book, it’s an even bigger “Ah Ha” moment when you see it in action.

Now, of course, being the recipient of all these lovely Acts of Service resonates with me because Acts of Service is one of my top languages of love. Seriously, if you haven’t taken the quiz, do so. It is really interesting and if you can get your significant other to take it, even better. I also know that the Hunter responds well to Acts of Service as well. The top language for both of us is Touch, so I make sure that I am constantly touching him with small gestures.

I finally got to provide a great Act of Service for him and it scored huge points with the Hunter. I went to two doctor appointments with him. The first one was a quick diagnostic so they could set him up for a CT scan. The Hunter, like many people who are rarely sick, was convinced that he had cancer. He has some nagging lower back pain and had a nasty incident of kidney stones about a year ago, so he thought perhaps it was cancer or kidney stones. Apparently the poor guy has no middle ground here. In any case, I went to both appointments with him. Since I was the calm one, I asked a bunch of questions the first time, got to see the doctor examine his prostate and generally held the Hunter’s hand. The prostate exam made us giggle endlessly afterwards because the young doctor was a bit flustered that I was watching and the Hunter said he used more lube than he was accustomed to.

The second appointment involved a procedure called cystoscopy, which puts a camera up your urethra. I have had it done by this doctor and knew what to expect. The Hunter was very anxious. All morning before his appointment I was getting nervous texts from him. He was worried about the CT scan results, the procedure, and a myriad of “what if’s”. I felt for the poor guy particularly because he had no idea what was going to happen with the cystoscopy. I got to watch that one also. Joy – because I am squeamish with medical procedures. I am glad I was there. Everything was fine. He has one large kidney stone that the doctor doesn’t want to mess with. His back pain has nothing to do with his kidneys or bladder. Little does he know that this is a HUGE relief for me because kidney problems are big problems. He does have an enlarged prostate but nothing that the doctor wanted to pursue. He told the Hunter to stop smoking – pot, cigars – doc said to stop it all.

Now the Hunter is just a mushy pile of appreciation because I went with him, asked questions, held his hand and was just generally supportive. For me, it is wonderful because it was minimal effort on my part and maximum return.

Another wonderful new habit is how we have instinctively incorporated the Touch language of love into our day first thing in the mornings. The Hunter wakes up at 5:00 for work. This is a godforsaken hour for me because I am not a morning person, but I am rapidly growing to enjoy it. We wake up a little before 5 and spend about 15-20 minutes just smooching and touching. What a delicious way to start the day. We rarely have weekday morning sex because he doesn’t like morning quickies. If he leaves me too horny, I simply pull out my vibe and send him the recording. This new routine is getting me out of bed earlier, so I hope to take this new habit and build in healthier routines like the gym. I can get use to waking up early with this to look forward to.

For now, I am basking in the wonder of a man who wants to please me. We continue to talk openly and I’ll tell you about some of our conversations. I find the openness of them refreshing and fascinating.

 

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Getting to Know You

Getting to know you
Getting to know all about you
Getting to like you
Getting to hope you like me
Getting to know you

Getting to feel free and easy
When I am with you
Getting to know what to say

Richard Rodgers & Lorenz Hart from The King & I

This weekend I hosted a business event at a local festival. For some background on this event, you can click here for the drama that ensued last year. This year I enlisted the Hunter to help me pack up at the end of the day. We used this event for him to meet my girlfriends and for me to meet his sister. What a day!

I didn’t expect or want him to spend the whole day there. It’s a big crowd and I have a steady stream of folks coming by off and on all day, so I am the busy social butterfly. He arrived mid-afternoon, which was perfect. He ran into his sister as he was entering with his close friend, Teacher, and Teacher’s date (another friend of mine – small world just keeps getting smaller). I liked his sister (“Emily”). She is smart, attractive and we instantly bonded over the kids. Her son plays lacrosse at a private school and knew my son from a travel team. I knew her son’s coaches and a bevy of players, so we quickly found common ground. Emily is curious about me and asked questions about my kids. She later told the Hunter that she liked me.

I actually better understood Emily after meeting her. As I wrote here, the Hunter raised his son as a single parent and Emily was a very active godmother. She was in a position both economically and socially to help her nephew, so she did. Sometimes she did it without first checking with the Hunter, so that lead to some past problems. I had a taste of that yesterday when a discussion about a new car for Nino ensued. It is clear that Nino contributed to the misunderstandings by only providing partial information to both parties, but I digress.

Poor Hunter wasn’t feeling 100% and the night before he confessed his ambivalence. I know now that he is shy underneath his bravado. Meeting my girlfriends, clients, etc. at a large festival is daunting for many people, and he did just fine. One of my older girlfriends immediately set him straight, “We are so glad that Maggie is happy with you. Please keep her that way because she deserves it.” He later mentioned it during our evening recap and commented on the loyalty of my friends. One of my other girlfriends called me today to tell me how handsome she found him. He didn’t spend a lot of time with my girlfriends because he was exploring the festival with his son, Teacher, and sometimes me.

One of the funny moments for me was introducing him to a longtime business friend of mine. BC is a prominent attorney and former elected official. I didn’t tell the Hunter this and just casually introduced BC without dropping his last name. Apparently the Hunter and BC had a great chat about an issue that the Hunter is actively working on. Later the Hunter said, “I had no idea BC was, well, BC!” I laughed and said it was a better way to get to know BC (I was right, of course).

It was a very good day. The Hunter packed up my tent in about 10 minutes – I truly love this man’s ingenuity and work ethic. He definitely spoils me and I thoroughly enjoy it. When I got home, he unpacked my car and gently sent me off for a well-deserved shower. We sat on the patio and chatted for about a half hour. Then the Hunter looked me in the eye, held my hand and told me how much he cares about me. That he truly loves me and wants us to think about long-term plans together. He said, “Not marriage because I know that spooks you, but I want us to be together for the rest of our lives. Think about it.” I was touched, but didn’t say much. Then we scurried off to bed because we were both tired….but not too tired to have a wonderful romp in bed.

Last’s night’s sex was fabulous. He was attentive, loving and slowly took his time. I was quivering and had waves of orgasms. It was awesome. I later told him that it was perhaps the first time I considered our sex to be “making love” as opposed to something else. He laughed and said it was just because he was too tired for much else. I beg to differ – for the first time, the Hunter made love to me.

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