I’m a bitch, I’m a bitch
Oh the bitch is back
Stone cold sober as a matter of fact
I can bitch, I can bitch
`Cause I’m better than you
It’s the way that I move
The things that I do
I can be cruel. I can be snippy. I can be difficult to live with. These are the lessons I learned about myself this week. I am not sunshine and roses 24/7/365. The question becomes can those who love me deal with the moods of Maggie? That’s a good question and it remains to be seen if the Hunter can surf my emotions.
This week was an intense one work-wise. I have hard deadlines, tricky negotiations, meetings all over town and a To Do list that has only grown exponentially. The Hunter has now seen me at a stress level I would consider about a 7 in a scale of 1-10. Wednesday night was a particularly ugly one. I burnt dinner to a crisp – don’t even ask – I can’t remember ever doing that. I was working and watching my only reality addiction, Survivor, when he walked in the door around 8:15. He had been out in the forest scouting for an upcoming hunting trip this weekend, so he was in a great mood. I was fine with all that, but when he walked in the door, I was not warm, sweet, loving Maggie. I was work-oriented, focused, don’t-interrupt-me Maggie who apparently is not fun to deal with. He asked me to order a pizza since I burnt dinner, I obliged but a bit grudgingly. He didn’t like me on Wednesday night.
Thursday was a bit better, but the Hunter was moody. He woke up late, was still not happy with the night before. We patched things up during the course of the day because I recognized that I was difficult. Then I had an issue with my housekeeper of 16+ years. I had asked her to show up earlier than 3:00 because that means she is at my house as late as 7:00 and that’s generally disruptive for dinner, the Hunter coming home to shower, etc. She didn’t show up earlier. I asked her to start coming only once a month, so she increased her price by 20% and wouldn’t give me a specific day. Then she left and I saw all the things she didn’t get done in her four hours that should have been done. The Hunter and I talked about it. He was actually great on this topic. I decided, without his input, that I don’t want a housekeeper. My place isn’t that big, we aren’t that messy and I would rather save the money. I have been thinking about this for about a year. His immediate reaction was to ask what chores I want him to take on. I loved that – he’s ready to be a true partner.
We had great sex on Thursday night. It was fun, relaxing and satisfying. Then on Friday morning, even though he’s not too much into morning sex, we romped a bit. I think he’s doing this because I had been pulling out the vibe a couple of mornings this week, so he mentioned that perhaps he’s not satisfying me enough. Another sign of insecurity perhaps? In any case, he fucks me for about 10-15 minutes, slaps me on the ass and heads to the bathroom to get ready for work. No cuddle, no kiss – WTF. I felt a bit used. So when he called me for the second time before 7:00 I was a trifle snippy. I was sleeping, with a bit of a headache. Now his feelings are hurt. Sigh. I called to apologize and he doesn’t want to talk about it while at work. Sigh again.
This also goes back to a brief conversation we had last night. He hinted about the threesome again. How he had to crank down his freak side. How our marathon sex sessions have waned. How he won’t mind-fuck me anymore because if his sexual tales won’t come to fruition, then he doesn’t want to spin those tales anymore. Topic closed, no more discussion. I didn’t like that. I didn’t like the complete closure of a conversation topic and I didn’t like the fact that we were discussing this while stoned. But since I have been a bit intense this week, for once I had the good sense to shut up and let it rest.
This week has been one of settling into a relationship and learning how to ride the waves of an ever-changing dynamic of living with someone. I have to consider that the Hunter had a not-so-good week also. Driving home from work last night, he was rear-ended on Thursday, the weather is getting hotter so his job is harder since he is outside all day. His girlfriend has been cold and snippy and he hasn’t done anything to cause this, he’s only the recipient of that nastiness. Tonight will be interesting. Can we reconnect? Oh yeah, I’m working this weekend and he’s hunting. Reality is intruding in our haze of lust and love so it will be interesting to see how we move through this…