Would I lie to you?
Would I lie to you honey?
Now would I say something that wasn’t true?
I’m asking you sugar
Would I lie to you?
The Hunter and I frequently ask one another a question meant to develop a better understanding and intimacy. My questions are based off a New York Times article about 36 questions that will cause a couple fall in love. I wrote about this earlier. The Hunter is far more creative and comes up with his own questions. Here is our exchange this week on one of his questions.
The Hunter: If you have the ability to change one thing about your boyfriend/girlfriend what would it be?
Maggie: Wow. Good question. Are you ready for brutal honesty? You leave the toilet seat up sometimes. But seriously I have a blunt answer but I don’t want you to get upset, just think about it.
The Hunter: Ok go ahead.
Maggie: I would change the fact that you were a serial cheater. I don’t expect perfection & I know that 40% of marriages have some form of infidelity, plus I am no angel myself. It does flit thru my mind on rare occasions that leopards don’t change their spots…but I love you & know that we have strong, open communication so I’m OK.
The Hunter: Wow! I’ve never been called a serial cheater. Lmao! Maggie, you’re plenty woman for me. You do something no other woman has done for me. You never say no! And we can talk about anything. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.
Maggie: Awww. I was concerned on how you would take that. OK. What would you change about me?
The Hunter: I would add another pussy and a dick, and put tiny little hands inside your ass to grab my dick when I fuck you.
Maggie: LMAO. Ewww – really? I would be some genetic mutated freak, but wait a minute, think of the money we could make from porn….
I knew that he would want to discuss my answer further, so I simply gave him the room to think about it and sure enough the next evening he brings the subject up again. The Hunter has been very open about the fact that he did cheat. He was laughing because he had never been called a serial cheater. He said he had been called an asshole cheater, a goddamned cheater, but never a serial cheater. The Hunter gently reminded me that I am no angel either. I agreed. I did cheat in my marriage, but I was young when it occurred and afterwards I never strayed. I pointed out that how we cheated was different. I also said that, to me, cheating meant that something was missing from the marriage. It was a symptom of some larger issue.
I reminded him as I mentioned in my text that 40% of marriages/LTR experienced infidelity. With that high a statistic I was realistic about the odds. Perhaps I am somehow giving him a hall pass by telling him that I know that the odds are against us for 100% monogamy, but as I told him I will be hurt nonetheless. The Hunter said that he has quashed his freaky side and tucked it away, so I have nothing to worry about it.
My girlfriends are of the opinion that a leopard doesn’t change its spots. In my text above, I used this analogy with the Hunter. He says he’s not a leopard. So although I have given this man my heart, my head still cautions me. He was married twice and lived with his son’s mother for five years so his track record is poor, but the Hunter claims that he has grown and learned from the wrong that he did. Time will tell.
I know that the Hunter struggles with bouts of jealousy. He asked me if I am in communication with any of the guys I was dating prior to him. I told him that BG had texted me about two weeks ago with an invitation to a basketball game. I went on to tell the Hunter that I declined the invitation and the next invitation for some “no one needs to know” sex. I also told him that BG is now deleted from my phone.
One night this week I had curled up in bed early to read and comment on blogs with my iPad. As he approached the bed, I closed the screen and kissed him. He crawled into bed and I could feel his coolness. Something was wrong, so I asked him what was up. He asked me why I close my iPad screen when he approaches me. I told him one reason, but not the other. The hidden reason is that although he knows I keep a private blog as a diary, he doesn’t realize that it’s also a public, anonymous blog that I share you with, Dear Readers. Many times I am up on WordPress reading, commenting and writing. The other reason and the one I told him is that when he approaches me for attention I want to give him my undivided attention, so electronic devices are closed and put to the side out of respect. Now I leave the screen up so he can glance at it as I put it aside, but this is giving him glimpses of my blog and my WordPress reader. I value my privacy on this blog, so I may have to revisit this with him. For now, he is reassured and not seeking any additional information.
Living together and relationships remind me of the ocean — constantly in motion with ever changing moods. So far it has been smooth sailing, but as I continue to say, time will tell. Enjoy the video — it’s the Eurythmics at their best.