"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Nightmares

When the darkness creeps in,
I feel my nightmares watching me.
And when my dreams are sleeping,
I feel my nightmares watching me.
Oh, oh, oh!
I feel my nightmares watching me.

Ed Sheeran

This weekend was a busy one for me because I had to work most of it. I host an annual hospitality tent at a lovely local festival. We distribute about 100 tickets to friends, family and even customers (LOL). My boss was out of the country, but regardless, the bulk of the work rests with me on this day.

I guess that Sunday’s festival had me on edge also because I awoke Sunday morning due to a nightmare. I dreamt an awful dream about my Ex. It was a ridiculous dream where he had all my clothes in a hidden closet and only when I began furiously screaming at him, did he reveal the secret closet which also held my deceased mother’s clothing, my kids’ clothes along with mine. His father, who has been dead for 20+ years, was alive in this dream. I awoke furious and emotional. As I silently cried for a few moments (tears of anger and hurt), the Hunter woke up. “What’s wrong, love?” I told him it was a bad dream and I can’t talk about it yet, but it doesn’t involve him. He pulls me tight, strokes my hair and lulls me back to sleep. I’m a lucky girl.

The reason I dreamt of my Ex on the morning of this festival is that last year he ruined the day for me. He managed to humiliate me and put friends in the middle of it all. It’s a story worth telling, so sit back and read on.

Last year at this time, we were finalizing our divorce. I knew that my Ex was dating someone already. I hadn’t really tried very hard to hit the dating circuit. I was happily enjoying my singleness and my son’s final days of high school. I wanted to get my son off to college and spend some time alone.

This hospitality event is actually funded by one of my biggest clients. They are very, very generous with me. We had completed a big project that had taken a great deal of my time but had given me the biggest payday of my career which enabled me to leave my marriage on my terms. Naturally my Ex hated this client for those reasons and others. Last year was our third year at this festival. My Ex had helped me out at the first one and didn’t attend the second, so I didn’t know if he would show up or not, but I was unconcerned. I should have been concerned…

During our marriage, we had very, very close friends, R& F. F had dated my Ex in college and they remained friends afterwards. I knew that R&F would end up with my Ex at the end of the day, but they were always nice and cordial to me. F even called me crying when I filed for divorce saying that they wanted “joint custody” and didn’t want to choose. Yeah, yeah, my counselor warned me about friends like these. In any case, a couple of weeks earlier I had chatted with F and mentioned the festival. The night before the festival, F called and asked for tickets. I eagerly agreed. She was also bringing her 80+ year old mother, who can be a pain, but whatever.

Festival day arrives and I am walking up to the entrance to greet them and give them their tickets. I get a text from a colleague, “Your Ex is at the tent”. I glibly think, “Oh, F&A must have told him they are coming so they will spend the day together.” I am not too worried. My Ex joins me at the gate and we see F&A approaching. My Ex turns to me and says, “I just want to let you know that my girlfriend, Olga, is also coming along with the Putins.” WTF. The Putins are next-door neighbors of F&A with Mr. Putin being a client of my Ex’s. The Putins also brought along other family members, so all together there is a group of about 8 – 10 people including F&A, my Ex and Olga.

Let me clarify the situation: The Putins and F&A live about an hour away. They all carpooled down together. My Ex got tickets for the Putins and his girlfriend. F&R mooched free tickets off of me for themselves and the bitchy elderly mom. Seriously?! This shit is going down during my WORK event? F&R never warned me of this as good friends should do for one another. I am blindsided by all of this. Lovely.

I quickly rally. I greet everyone with hugs. Distribute my tickets, make sure everyone has tickets to get in and then make excuses of needing to get back to my guests. I bolt back to my tent. Sitting at my tent are my boss, my colleagues, friends, prominent members of the community. Now I have this new entourage of people are about to join us…. I am fuming because my Ex knows I will not pitch a fit in front of people. I announce to everyone that my Ex will be joining us shortly with his new girlfriend, need I say more? My girlfriends rally and lock down. They declare they aren’t leaving. My boss and colleagues quickly drink all the beer so we don’t have to share. I love how they take one for the team – LOL, but it helped because I wasn’t about to be hospitable.

The afternoon was just embarrassing. The bitchy elderly mom is dumped off at my tent. The Putins, F&A, my Ex and Olga enjoyed the festival and then sat down at my tent at the end of the day. Ugh. I overhear my Ex telling R that one of the tents and some of the chairs are “his” and I took them. If he wanted to be petty, those items were all gifts from my kids. The entourage was hanging around wanting to say hello to my son who was scheduled to show up at the end of the day to help me break down the tent. I refused to call him because I was so mad, so I kept telling them that he’s delayed. They ended up running into him in the parking lot on their way out. My son asked why I didn’t have him come earlier, so I had to tell my son that I didn’t want him there because I was so pissed off.

The whole day just clarified who my friends were and what a douche my Ex was (and still is). I spent that evening tired, in tears and incredibly hurt. My girlfriends sent me texts of support because I just couldn’t talk to anyone. It sent me scrambling for an emergency session with my counselor so I could digest it all. I realized that my Ex was doing this, perhaps subconsciously, because it involved that particular client. What an asshole.

What was even more insane was that F stopped by my place the next day because she and her daughter were in the neighborhood. She had never seen my new place and wanted to check it out. She thought everything was hunky dory between us. I confronted her gently about the previous day’s events. I asked her why she didn’t give me a heads up? She had no explanation other than she didn’t know the Putins and Olga were going until that morning. “ Yeah, right,” said my counselor. Interestingly enough all of F’s Facebook postings of the event had pictures of the Putins and my Ex – none of me. That tells a story in itself.

With all of this soap opera drama taking place last year, I went into this year’s event with a bit of trepidation. What if my Ex attended this year? Would he and the Hunter cross paths? No wonder I had a nightmare! I am surprised I didn’t have more, but what a difference a year makes. Tomorrow I’ll tell you about meeting the Hunter’s sister and the Hunter meeting some of my girlfriends.

Advertisements

Comments on: "Nightmares" (8)

  1. I still cringe at the mere thought of being in the same room as my Ex. I don’t even want to see him if I can avoid it.
    We have friends… and I think that I may lose them soon. I just posted something yesterday on FB that may speed things up. I love them dearly, but I am afraid that they only hear his version, never really contacted me since the split. It’s not quite true, they did send a Xmas card. I just didn’t have it in me to reply. Not just to them but to anyone…
    I guess time will tell. But there are friends I know I may lose. And since most of our friends during our marriage were his (funny how he was never interested in making friends with mine!), I am losing a whole deal of friends. But I’m not alone.
    I am looking forward to the difference this coming year will make in my life.
    Your experience gives me hope, thank you for that 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for your thoughts. Funny how our married friends stayed with our Ex’s. For me, it goes back to his controlling nature and my unwillingness to fight for my independence. With the Hunter, he realizes their importance in my life and makes sure he doesn’t impede my time with them.

      I think my mom and former father-in-law were in my dream because they too were very controlling. The secret closet with the clothes? I have to think about what that represents – perhaps my public self? Hmmmm…..

      Like

      • I was on my way out to work when I read your post, so didn’t have time to delve in the dream part of it. Yes, I think the clothes may be part of your public self and how you’re afraid to be seen naked (your true self) by these people whose clothes were there as well…

        My ex was controlling as well. He chose who got to become our friends. If it was someone I liked, it wasn’t always important to him that I should keep connections. The fact we kept moving cities or countries didn’t help in keeping in touch with the people I liked. Thank God for FB. He wasn’t on it, refused it as saying this was not real friendships… so I was able to make new friends or cultivate some old friendships.

        My married friends didn’t all stay with my ex, but the thing is, I still cringe at the idea of showing just how abusive our marriage was, so I don’t talk to them much. It is really my fault if I don’t have more contact with them. Or maybe I need a clean break from them? I had to build new friendships any how, since we moved again just before starting the divorce proceedings… Maybe it’s my way to break free… I don’t know, anyone’s guess is as good as mine at this point 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      • I wonder if some of your friends were observant enough to know that all wasn’t right in your marriage. I surprised everyone…

        I like your thought of the clothes – my public self. That’s what I needed to be that day…dreams fascinate me when I can remember them. LOL.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Some of my friends knew, because I told my closest girlfriends. But they didn’t know how abusive it was, because I didn’t really know it myself and was always trying to downplay everything. Plus, you have to understand that I only was with my friends for a few years before I had to make new ones. Yes, I kept the ones from previous postings, but it’s not like you bitch about how bad things are in your marriage to people you only speak to a few times a year. And it’s not exactly what you say on FB either :-/
        Most everyone else didn’t know. Some discover my Ex now, are surprised at what he was able to write to some of my closest friends, hinting that her husband and I had an affair which was absolutely not true (Now, if everyone had been OK to play together, that’s another story, but he didn’t say that, he said we were about to cheat on her). Luckily her marriage is strong, her husband is a great guy and her trust in me as a friend won.
        But I guess a lot of people were quite surprised!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. […] I hosted a business event at a local festival. For some background on this event, you can click here for the drama that ensued last year. This year I enlisted the Hunter to help me pack up at the end […]

    Like

  3. […] The other distasteful aspect that was dealt with was the topic of the “Married Friends”. Those are the good friends we had during the marriage who spent holidays and vacations with us and remained with the Ex. They were his friends more than mine, so although unpleasant, it wasn’t unexpected. If you want to read how I have been treated since we separated, you can read this example. […]

    Like

  4. […] I am not ambushing him like he did with me while we were single. You can read about that shitstorm here. If he is smart, he will be magnanimous and stay the fuck away from […]

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Tag Cloud

%d bloggers like this: